Thursday, December 01, 2005

Amazing Stories*

Amazing things that happened tonight:

1. Everyone who left me comments is awesome. Thanks for being so nice all the time. I really don't deserve it, but I accept it graciously and will completely let it go to my head and brag about this to everyone I know.

2. Suzanne and AJ bought me dinner. Suz and AJ, you guys rock! I love you! And I think it goes without saying that I love free dinner.

3. Golightly and I figured out we have the same birthday. Golightly, I believe you are younger than me therefore I am required by law to hate you. However, I have noticed you have an aptitude for making cupcakes, and I am chubby and love cupcakes therefore I have decided that I don't hate you after all. Phew!

4. Okay I don't want to give anything away for those who haven't seen it, but in regards to tonight's episode of "Lost" I would just like to say: HOLY F*CKING SHIT!!!! Despite the fact that it was just a stellar episode, something happened tonight that made me so happy, I rewound it 1700 times to make sure I saw it correctly. I imagine I will watch it 1700 times again tomorrow. Thank you, ABC. Thank you, "Lost" creators. You have completely made up for that Ana-Lucia bullshit. Oh and the ending? Yeah my heart exploded. Just FYI.
P.S. Charlie Salinger: God. Dammit. I will pay you to have babies with me. I am not even kidding. My whole life savings-it's all yours. You fucking beautiful, beautiful specimen of a man. Yes I spelled out the F word. That's how serious I am.

5. Diane and I were watching Rachael Ray, and she was talking about making this fruit sauce to put over pound cake or angel food cake-any type of cake really. It's not important, Internet. Quit getting hung up on the details. Anyway she said, "In the summer you buy fresh fruit and then cover it with a little sugar and let it marinate for a while." Only she didn't say "marinate". She said "masturbate". I SWEAR TO GOD ON ALL THAT IS HOLY. This is a true story. Diane is the one who caught it. We rewound it many, many times to make sure we weren't hearing something that wasn't there. I think I was actually praying we were wrong. But alas we weren't. Rachael Ray said the word "masturbate" on television in reference to fruit. It was the greatest most disturbing thing ever in the entire world. Hey-for some girls it's a nice body or sweet smelling cologne. For Rachael, it's fresh blackberries. Whatever floats your boat (you kinky slut).

*Do you guys remember that show "Amazing Stories"? I used to love that show.

18 comments:

russ said...

I used to Tivo Amazing Stories on some high-numbered cable channel last year, hoping for my favorite two episodes -- the one in the bomber with the cartoon wheels, and the one with Mark Hamill. But no dice, they just kept showing other, crappy ones. Alas. The who intro to the show with 1984 computer animation is pretty funny, now.

ffjemwho

matt said...

Rachael Ray has scary man hands.

twisted panties said...

My husband loves Rachael Ray. I would tell him about this because be would LOVE it, but then I would be forced to watch every episode in hopes of hearing her say masturbate. I always thought she was too damn perky. Now we know why. She's always got sex on the brain.

Mon said...

Lost was awesome!!!! I will be depressed for weeks when it is over for the season!!!! I'm sad I missed someone say masterbate on TV. It would've made my day too!

Tigerlily said...

p.s. AMAZING STORIES was my favorite show EVER! My mom used to punish me by not letting me watch it. I loved the one where the dude was a muumy in a movie, then his wife went into labor and he had to get to the hospital in his mummy gear and all the locals thought he was this REAL mummy Rah Ahman Kah, so they tried to lynch him, then, damn. Damn tangents, that was a good show!

Tigerlily said...

OMG Russ, I loved the one with the cartoon wheels on the plane too! Seriously, i think we were made for each other. Girlfriend, shmirlfriend!

Sarah said...

Yes I loved the cartoon wheels! I also liked the one where that one nerdy college student science guy made that goop that when it was poured on a picture of something, the picture would come to life. Do you remember this one? First he did it on a pretty girl but since it was only a picture of the top half of the girl, only the top half came to life. That kind of scarred me.

Golightly said...

She said WHAT? OMGosh, how did I miss that one?
I'm turning 28 next Tuesday...how old will you be? I will send you a cyber-cupcake next time, hee hee.
OK, LOST is the best thing ever, ever! My eyes and brain could not keep up with each other!!
I was screaming and throwing pillows last night, but I'm wondering what happened that you will be watching 1700 more times...the kiss? or Dad?---that left me sitting there mouth wide open.

russ said...

The did play the one with the goop and the girly mags -- it stars someone big, I think Jon Crier (that is totally spelled wrong).

ekbmhvg

russ said...

BTW, TLA, as a wee pup I had to shush my parents as I tape recorded Seperate Ways from MTV onto my little boom box -- no wires, just speaker next to mic.

I heart Journey. Let me know when you want to make out and I'll see if I can clear it with the schmirlfriend.

mosjl

Oh, that girl. said...

Saw this and thought of you!

http://photobucket.com/albums/c364/MUSiCMADETOROXU/?action=view¤t=effinglove.gif

Carly said...

I don't want to tell you this, really, but,

macerate:

mac·er·ate
v. mac·er·at·ed, mac·er·at·ing, mac·er·ates
v. tr.
To make soft by soaking or steeping in a liquid.


but yes, Lost was awesome

A Loyd said...

Sarah, I have finally gotten back to reading your blog again... just in time too.

I have never watched Rachel Ray but my sis loves her. Now I love her too because she talks about 'bating on TV (BTW, I refuse to let Carly take this away from me). Add in the fact that she did a pictorial in FHM a couple years ago where she was licking a wooden spoon of chocolate, while wearing this sexy baking apron thingy...
I can tell already we are destined for each other.

Sarah said...

OMG, Carly, THANK YOU!!! Diane and I sat there for like 10 minutes trying to think of another word that she could be saying. I wish I was right, but in a way I'm glad I'm wrong.

A Loyd, we can pretend she still said masturbate. I will keep it alive for you.

Oh, that girl. said...

Nothing about my link???? I am devistated. Effing devistated

Rebecca said...

Sarah, you are hil-arious! You had me laughing out loud about the Rachael Ray thing!

Sarah said...

Min Pin, I'm so sorry! The link is AWESOME. I love it!!! Or should I say I effin love it.

Anonymous said...

I saw this episode as well, and she very clearly said "masturbate". Probably a slip of the tongue when she meant to say "macerate", but it was hysterical!