Friday, December 30, 2005

Why I hate New Year's by Okay Seriously

New Year's seriously sucks. When I was younger it was the most amazing holiday ever-especially the year my mom and dad got us the New Kids on the Block concert on Pay-Per-View. But now it sucks. For one, there is nothing on Pay-Per-View anymore except wrestling. Boo. Second, there's always a lot of build-up, and it's never as awesome as you think it's going to be.

After about the age of 25 is when New Year's really starts to suck the most. At that age, people are starting to get together in serious relationships, and you start to slightly panic about being closer to 30 than 20. Pair that with the fact that New Year's actually has a built-in activity only for the people who have dates, and it quickly earns the title of Worst Holiday Ever. The part leading up to midnight is awesome, but once the ball drops, well, really I just want to go sit in a corner and throw stuff at people who are with someone.

Look I am a secure person. Would it be nice to have a boyfriend? Sure-I want someone to cook for me. Do I need a boyfriend? Absolutely not. I can get Diane to cook for me sometimes. But at New Year's, it's like a rule of the holiday or something that you have to have a date. And that really blows. Even Valentine's Day isn't that bad because it's not a for real holiday. Plus I can buy myself chocolates. I can't kiss myself at midnight-at least not without causing some serious injury to my neck. Or without being arrested.

I think I can sum it up best by quoting my friend Mike. A few years ago on New Year's Eve, we counted down, "...5...4...3...2...1!" and almost everyone around us started kissing-like junior high makeout party style-and Mike raised his glass and said, "God I hate my life" and downed an entire Jack and Coke. Yes-that is how I feel every effing midnight of every effing New Year's Eve.

The real rub is that 2 out of the past 3 New Year's, I actually had a boyfriend, but I didn't get to kiss him at midnight because he lived in stupid Baltimore. Stupid Baltimore-obsessed mofo.

All that being said, I have decided maybe this year will be different. I say that every year, but I really think it might this time.

1 - I am kissing everyone. I don't care who you are-I am kissing you. If you're near me, I'm coming for you. You've been warned (Woody).

2 - Our little group actually has a pretty solid base of single people, and we are a force to be reckoned with. And by that I mean we do not respect the sanctity of anyone's relationship and will make out with whoever we please.

3 - Diane bought me some Moscato D'Asti for Christmas. Hell yeah, Diane. You're a good little sister.

I don't want to sound like a total New Year's grinch. Despite it's suckiness, I do enjoy getting to spend this day with my friends, and I know this year will be fun. I hope everyone has an awesome holiday. Please be safe-no drinking and driving. Just do one or the other. And make sure the one you do is drinking.

I just received this email from Steph-things are looking up!

"I just learned…you are not allowed to do laundry or wash the dishes on New Years Day…if you do, you are washing away good luck (excuse to be slobs).

You are supposed to wear new shoes…(excuse to shop?) because it symbolizes what will come this year…new shoes show new outlook, fresh foot forward, whereas old shoes, repeat the same.

And kiss at midnight to show you have warmth…(I’m dead inside, suddenly I have an excuse to not have to kiss someone at midnight).

And make loud noise at midnight to scare away evil. Evil and the devil hate loud noises, hence the noisemakers. This is also good to know, because I am a very loud person which means the devil hates me*."

This is great info. I need new shoes.

*It's true, you guys, Steph is very loud.


Anonymous said...

If you try and kiss me at midnight, so help me, I'll punch you in the neck. Though I wouldn't blame you for trying, I am known to be easy and your opportunities to see me are dwidling. We are hanging out less in '06 as my resolution is to not be mentioned in your blog next year. You can sweet talk me all you want with the "muse" talk, I'm out.

Hell, who am I kidding, I have to hang out with you, all my other friends are in relationships and coupled off. At least they are until I get a hold of them this Sat. Watch out, Diane...come midnight, I'm making a move on Gordo, your boyfriend. -Steph

russ said...

The coolest thing to do on New Year's Day is to come to my place in the OC (Ohio City) and drink mimosas/bloody marys/coffee&baileys and eat lots of carbs & other food which we provide a lot of all of the above.

Then you can chat with lots of the other cool folk there or watch some football or whatev.

All you blogging fools should come. Get directions from Shoppy D.

Mon said...

Happy New Year! The midnight kiss is over rated! It's much more fun to make a goal to puke by midnight, cus then you don't care, and you can say "no one would kiss me cus I had puke breath..but I had fun!"

"AG" said...

Aw, when I was single I'd just go to bed early and be asleep by 10. :) Now I'm married...and we're alseep by 10.

Janet said...

New Years has always been a let down. The music never swells like it does in the movies and there isn't nearly as much confetti.

But which is worse for the single gal..New Years or Valentine's Day?

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I can't agree with you more Sarah! New Years sucks major ass.

This year should be interesting. I'm going to my (gay) friend Bryan's place for a dinner party. At midnight I'll probably be in the midst of man on man make outs and I'll be left to kiss my own damn hand. I wonder if Will & Grace made an episode like that??


Wow. I love this post. I couldn't agree with you more. I'm going to print this out and show it to everyone who thinks I'm crazy for not thinking NYE is the most wonderful thing since Valentine's day. Thanks for the support! hahahahaha!

John said...

man I wish I would have been wherever you were on New Year's Eve. Although Dan came to Keith's without his wife and violated the sanctity of all relationships by making out with all the married guys.

Violet said...

Hey Sarah! Hope it turned out better than you expected! You have to come my Superbowl Party this year! Send me your email address so I can pass on the Hope you can come!

ORF said...

Hear freaking hear! I H.A.T.E. New Year's and you've just summed it up nicely.