First off, I would just like to thank Carly for setting me straight on the Rachael Ray thing. Turns out she was saying "macerate"which means "to make soft by soaking or steeping in a liquid". Thank God. I was totally freaked out. Honestly I have never heard the word macerate which is sad because I am old enough to know that word. However, I am still going to keep alive the possibility that she said "masturbate" because goddammit that's funny, and I really don't want to ruin my friend A Loyd's day.
Secondly, Bennifer 2 had their baby last night. A baby girl named Violet-obviously named after the blogger Violet. There is nothing bad I can say about that name because it's adorable, and I'm so happy I didn't have to make fun of my Benjamin. Oh and just so you guys know, the next time he has a baby it will be with me.
Thirdly, I am decidedly anti-inflatable Christmas decorations. I'm talking about the big giant ones that sit on your front lawn. Danielle and I were discussing these today, and we concluded that a) they are too big, b) they're inflatable which, to me, screams "used car dealership" and c) they are too close to being mascots. Since they are filled with air, they tend to move around a lot in a menacing, mascot-like fashion. Not okay.
And lastly, is anyone else completely irked by the Lexus commercials that air during the holiday season? You know the ones where a husband gives his wife a brand new Lexus for Christmas complete with giant red bow on top and then the wife reacts in a manner that suggests it's completely normal to receive a $50,000 car for a present? "Wow-a Lexus. It totally matches the 87 foot yacht you got me last year." Number one, if someone gave me a Lexus I wouldn't weakly smile as if I was just handed a mock turtleneck. No-if someone actually bought me Lexus, I would immediately give them oral-male or female I don't care. Unless it was a family member. Then I would probably hi-five them and do the old chest bump. Number two, roughly 1% of the population actually has the means to purchase a new Lexus for someone. Therefore it would be more like, "Merry Christmas. I got you some debt. I hope you have $400 a month you can spare for the next 6 years." All I'm saying is come on, Lexus. No one watches your commercials and actually gets gift ideas for loved ones.
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16 comments:
Did you see the article in the PD about inflatable yard crap? It's horrifying.
The payments on the giant red bow would be to much to handle. You have been a favorite read of mine ever since the props on buying my print this summer at open air market square. I have to check your blog every day to see what it has to offer. I have decided that on day you and I need to be friends. I say that in a non stalking kind of way. Thanks so much Sarah.
Michael, Mike, MJ, the Reverend Michael Joseph Schmidt. You pick I am your biggest fan...where is my large hammer and rope.
MWG, are you talking about the article where the woman was like you know you can't resist the inflatable decorations. And I was like actually I really, really can.
Charlotte, glad you agree with me! One is bad enough, I can't imagine a yard with 10. They are so tacky! Luckily they now make ones you can put up all year round. Yikes.
Michael, thank you so much! I was JUST on your site last night staring at more art that I wanted. These are my new faves: http://www.bluetreeart.com/BLUE_TREE.html and http://www.bluetreeart.com/WHITEONVINE.html :) I agree-we should be friends. And also I will call you the Reverend Michael Joseph Schmidt or just "Rev" for short.
My roommate and I had the exact same conversation w/regards to the Lexus commercial.
As for the yard decorations. On principle I would agree - but the one that looks like a giant snowglobe is just adorable (http://fresnohub.com/inflatable-christmas-snowglobes.html).
I too, hate those inflated decorations, they scream TACK-eeeeeeeeee to me! And they cost a fortune, people are throwing their money away!
Oh my god, i was TOTALLY going to write about the LEXUS commercials today. MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, is from a few years ago where the "Dad" gives the SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD a new lexus under the guise of a "new stereo". I believe the gist was the stereo was in the TOTALLY SWEET lexus. Damn rich hors, damn them, NO EFF THEM, EFFTHEMINTHEEFFINGEAR!
p.s. have you seen the giant inflatable SNOWGLOBES, now that's some ill shit!
I like the inflatable snowglobes. That's all I wanted to say. Oh and I have to return this Mercedes and head over to the Lexus dealer. It will be from both Leah and I.
Thanks so much for the compliments Sarah. I have both the originals still White on vine is at home and the blue tree is at a gallery. All of my prints are at the Local girl gallery in Lakewood. Please email me if you would like to see them. mike@bluetreeart.com
I can bring the originals to you if you are interested in how they would lokk in your home. I think it would look nice next to that...oh umm never mind that last comment...non stalking way, non stalking way.
Since we are friends now we should totally go riding on our big wheels together.
I have decided to make new friends I am going to go the 7 year route. Wanna play? sure. My new best friend!
Take care,
Reverend Michael Joseph Schmidt
(it sounds really good with a thick southern accent)
I really need to speel chek these tings
you know what I love most about those inflatable lawn ornaments? Pellet guns.
Actually, since you brought it up, there is an inflatable snowman down the street from me with a leak or something, because he looks like he's trying to give *himself* oral, and there is no lexus in sight.
man I wish I was an inflatable snowman with a leak
Oh. My. Effing. GAWD! You've basically said everything I've ever thought. I freakin' love your blog!!!!!!!! I'm totally linking you. Thank you for making me literally LOL. LOST RULES!!!!!!!
1. Lists are good
2. Violet is sooooooo much better than Appel (or whatever Gwynn picked) - it's pretty, vintage, delicate. Let's hope she turns out looking more like Jen than Ben.
3. Inflatable lawn thingies scare me. There's a fan or motor or something involved. It just ain't right.
4. Lexus is boring. Gimme a Mustang convertible any day. I don't care about price tags. Well technically I do, since I can't afford either, but... whatever.
5.word verification is SO hard after too much wine
I think even my kids are a little scared of a snow man who is 5 times the size of me, much less 50 times the size of my kiddos. I mean, really - I'm betting the ADHD drug makers are paying companies to make that crap; get the kids to freak out on a parent or two for a month straight - you see where the profits are coming from, right?!!
The worst part of it... the people who don't even like the inflatable snowman, but get it just to prove to the neighbors that they, too can drop some money on crazy crap.
Blah, blah, blah... I am off my soap box.
Keep preachin' sista'!
I'm a bit behind, but I hope hope you are over the Pat Morita death.
I don't think it has sunk in for me yet. I am sure that after the initial shock wears off I will grieve like everyone else has, or the next time I wax on/wax off I might breakdown!
Have a good week!
Yeah that's the one: "oh you can't resist them!" Oh I think you mean I can't resist wondering WHY THE FUCK YOU WOULD BUY ONE.
And yes the Lexus commercials suck. Merry Christmas, trophy wife! (As I mentioned on my site.) Bleh.
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