Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hair hijacking thwarted, one dead

The alert level is being raised to Orange today as an "object of interest" was found on or near my person this morning. That "object of interest"? A grey hair.

Details remain sketchy at this time, however, we do know that the grey hair was immediately plucked using standard issue tweezers and anger. Authorities are not saying for sure how it got there, but early speculation points to the root. The root has been taken in for questioning.

The alert system was first implemented after a grey hair was spotted on the premises back in January of 1999-appearing after my boyfriend cheated on me, dumped me and then one of my best friends was diagnosed with (fake) cancer, all within a 2 month period. It is believed the new grey hair's motive for appearing might be age-related.

We can expect that this is the first of many assaults to come as I approach my 30's. As a result security measures are being stepped up, and an appointment was immediately made to get my hair highlighted.

Also grey hair will no longer be allowed in the passenger cabin on all domestic and international flights. You can check grey hair with your luggage, or shave your head with a dull razor before entering security.

Reported by Okay "I'm gonna wash that grey right out of my hair" Seriously


Anonymous said...

Nooo it's silver hair! Silver hair is cool.

Tom said...

No no, The Silver Hawks were cool. Also, possibly the greatest theme song ever.

"Wings of silver, hearts of steel,
Partly metal, partly real,

Youtube it if you don't remember.

Reverend Michael Joseph Schmidt said...

Think of them as platinum blonde highlights...really small highlights.

Mon said...

Yea, I hilight and color, therefore I shall never know when said assult is made upon me. You gotta gear up for the attack! Hey, 30's realllllllllllly not so bad. The leading up to it is way worse!
Once it happens and your hangover goes away 3 days later your like, this is 30? I kicked it's ass!

Tom said...

Actually, I think I got the lyrics wrong "heads of steel" doesn't ring true. (well, ok, real heads of steel would ring pretty well, I think, I meant as lyrics)

Give me a second, I'm queing it up on my iPod right now...

"(Tally hawk!)

Wings of silver, nerves of steel (Silver hawks!)
Partly metal, partly real (Silver hawks!)
Soaring through the highways of the heavens in their flight,
Silver hawks, the rainbow(?) in the night!
[guitar solo]
[extended guitar solo]
Wings of silver, nerves of steel (Silver hawks!)
Partly metal, partly real (Silver hawks!)
Silver hawks!"

The song is also interspersed heavily with the cartoon light-bouncing-off-metal *ping* sound.

What a truly, terrible adventure into the world of animation.


Carly said...

does the carpet go gray eventually too? because I may have to kill myself if that starts to happen.

John said...

what's Carly talking about if it eventually does happen. Carly, last time I was down there it was at least half gray.

danielle said...

welcome to the late 20s hor. g-zus, where've you been. i pluck/color those a-holes all the live long day since i hit 25.

danielle said...

what the h is mon talkin about?

Johnny Virgil said...

Carly, sarah will just go with the brazilian wax if that starts to happen.

Carly said...

John, that was your mother