Tuesday, August 01, 2006

What are you looking at, sugar tits?

Current ailment: pink eye
Current Crazy Church Sign Saying by my house: Free trip to heaven! Details inside.
Current least surprising news story: Lance Bass is gay
Number of people who've come to this blog by searching for pictures of Lance Bass because of this post: way too many
Most awesome news story out there: Mel Gibson's complete and utter breakdown

It's true I have pink eye again. For those of you keeping track that's twice in 6 months. Three year olds don't get it with this kind of frequency. WTF.

Lance Bass, listen, honey, I know it was probably hard to say the words "I'm gay" to the whole world, but it wasn't that hard for us to say, "Yeah we know." It's kinda like when Danny Pintauro came out (little kid from "Who's the Boss"). He was all like, "I can't hide it anymore." And we were all, "Oh my God that was hiding it?? Yikes."

And the Mel Gibson thing. I knew a mental breakdown wouldn't be far behind after he decided he was Jesus a couple years ago. I guess he's going to rehab now. My question is rehab for alcoholism or rehab for bigotry? Either way-good times are ahead when he relapses again.

Besides pink eye, I'm suffering from another illness commonly referred to in the medical world as a "hangover". Last night Carly was in town so she, John, Danielle and I went to a nice restaurant and classed it up by getting completely smashed and yelling about oralling and pre-lubing. I feel bad for the people sitting around us, and I feel bad for the two co-workers we roped into going with us. Mostly because they were sober. I also kind of feel bad that we stopped by John's friend Keith's house unannounced at 9:30 while he was trying to relax with some TV and his fiancee. Sorry, Keith.

So now I have a headache, but it is so worth it. I saw Carly this morning, and she was like, "Do I look as bad as I feel?" Then John wrote me and said, "I'm gonna lie to you. I feel good." All signs of a great night.

Carly, you effing rule. You have to come back soon.

Danielle, you're a giant hor. When are we drinking vodka again?

John, I have no idea how you get away with saying the most offensive things to women without getting slapped, but you do and it's effing awesome.

Tonight: tree decorating party. Bring it.

5 comments:

Keith said...

No apologies necessary... Prunty and I have an understanding that anytime we have an opportunity to bring drunk babes to the other one's house ... we must do so, and inversely, any time one of us brings drunk babes over to the other one's house .. it will be appreciated .... every time.

Jay said...

Sarah. . . do you wear contacts? I got conjunctivitis (the proper medical but very raunchy-sounding term) often until I realized it had to do with my case. If it wasn't properly rinsed, it would inevitably build up enough bacteria to slap my retinas around until they too were pink and pussy (that's puss-e, not the cat or chocha).

If you don't wear contacts, then I said this all for not and you're really just suffering from too much crying over the Lance Bass debacle.

Hope that helps!

Tom said...

Jay, it's spelled "puss-y" and "naught."

And, "pink eye" sounds waaay raunchier than conjunctivitis. Right?

Sarah said...

Jay, I totally wear contacts! You might have just changed my life. I will research this immediately. Oh and I love you.

Carly said...

right back at you, PinkEye! I think I love you, even though we didn't make out.

Keith and his wife were awesome even if we didn't get to see their neighbor who walks around naked. It's good that Danielle got us out of there when she did. I think she's the brains behind this whole operation.

John - I will never get over seeing you crawl around on the floor chasing that poor old sick cat. Or you telling the bellman at my hotel that you were just there to drop off some hookers (...just as I was getting out of the car - yeah, thanks for that in particular.)

I need to detox for a few days. Damn the glasses of wine are big out there.