Friday, August 18, 2006

Letters for August 18th

Dear Amy,
Thanks for inviting us to your shower. I had a great time. Your fiance is very nice, and I give you my blessing. The wedding may now proceed. I know it seems like you were going ahead with plans anyway, but secretly I know you were ready to hold up the wedding if you didn't get my okay. I can't wait to see you in September when you are getting married. Holy cripes I'm old. P.S. I would like to give a shout out to the ladies of Oak Hill.

Dear Sharda,
I hope you had a great birthday party on Friday, and that your actual birthday on Saturday was awesome. I'm just saying that on Friday you were pretty sober and definitely did not yell at people who said your sister had bigger boobs than you. Nor did you ask our permission to go home. "Is it okay for me to leave now?" Awesome. Enjoy this next year of being closer to 30 than you ever have.

Dear Meg,
Sorry that on Friday night I put on your bathrobe and a sombrero and was playing bongos at your house. Looking back I can't help but think just how inappropriate it was for me to have your bathrobe on. Also I think I may have been playing with your 9 iron. Look all I know is you have a lot of props in your house, and I took advantage of that. And I am sorry.

Dear Justin Timberlake,
Should you, a former member of 'NSync and the Mickey Mouse Club, really be making fun of American Idol contestants? P.S. "SexyBack" sucks.

Dear Haley Joel Osment,
Holy shit!! Look I know how much you want to be a part of the Coreys, but the simple truth is your name isn't Corey. So no matter how much you drink or how many drugs you take, you will never be one of them. I'm sorry.

Dear Guy Who Says He Killed JonBenet Ramsey,
I can't tell if you actually did it or if you are just totally looney tunes and are claiming you did, but either way you look like someone who likes to do bad things to children and no doubt should be locked up at all times. I have never seen someone creepier. I mean like ever. Also I like how you say you "accidentally" strangled her. Like hey I "accidentally" stabbed that guy 74 times or I "accidentally" held that lady's head under water for like 45 minutes. Seriously dude. Oh my God I just looked at your picture again. It's like your eyes are following me. I am so creeped out.

14 comments:

StrangerDanger said...

Oh but you missed what I consider the best part of that article...

"According to authorities, Osment was driving to his La Canada-Flintridge-area home in his 1995 Saturn shortly after 1 a.m. on July 20"

Thankfully he was ok, bone-wise.

Vicky Automobile said...

Gotta save up his money for hookers and blow.

danielle said...

john mark karr is in fact the creepiest thing i've ever seen. i don't think he's the killer. i say this because he has all kinds of alibis for the night she was killed. why you so crazy jmk?

Johnny Virgil said...

A 1995 Saturn is what you get when you spend all your money on booze and weed.

Johnny Virgil said...

dammit vicky automobile. I hate you.

Anonymous said...

my theory on jmk is that he did something bad in thailand and was about to be prosecuted for it so he claims he killed jon benet, they extradict him home, he has alibis and is cleared and tada...he is home and out of thailand. Creepy, creepy guy. -steph

jess said...

BAH HA HA HA!

Oh, how I love your letters.

Seriously, JMK is the creepiest man ever. I totally agree.

SoozieQ said...

I "like" (by "like", I mean that I totally find it disgusting) how he pulls his pants up to his chin. Did he do it or not, I have no idea but he should be punished for *something*!

Oh, that girl. said...

1st - LOVE SEXY BACK.

2nd - (In regards to hale joel) it was only a matter of time.

3rd - I am going to be in Michigan next week. Any chance you can drive up and hang out? I am dying to party with you

Formerly Min Pin Momma
- Oh, That girl

John said...

he looks like a nice boy. Not sure what you guys are talking about.

Matthew said...

OMG so true about the JonBenet killer. The first thing I thought when I saw the picture was "my god, he has his polo buttoned all the way up." The second thing I thought was "how did it take them ten long years to find this obviously sick and kiddie loving freak?"

Adam said...

Dear Sarah's Dad,

Happy Birthday for that time it was your birthday. I know I'm a little late, but can you please let Sarah put up racy photos of her cleavage if we all promise to glance, and then glace away quickly and not at all leer like George Costanza?

Kind regards,
Australia.

"AG" said...

I can't stand that that Karr freak is now a celebrity. And after hearing that love letter he wrote to JonBenet, I have't been right. Sickest thing ever.

Broady said...

Timberlake is a bit big for his skinny, girly britches these days. Love the letters...