We are not the champions

Well, I know you're all wondering so I'll tell you: Our football team, Yes I'm Still Drunk, did not make it further than round one of the playoffs. I'm sorry for all of you that put your hopes and dreams and any large wagers on the success of our team. We went 5-3 in our regular season this time. That, compared to other seasons, is a miracle. We suck. We never win. But for some reason we did well this season. Who are we, the Saints?

Saturday was round one of the playoffs where, as I already mentioned, we did not win. It really wouldn't have mattered anyway because we were going to forfeit next week to go tailgating at Ohio State. How we weren't able to pull it together to bring home a W with this level of commitment is a mystery. But all was not lost-Diane did get in a fight and punch a girl. It was fantastic. I normally don't condone violence as a means of solving problems between two people unless those two people are Jack and BenHenry, but this girl really had it coming. I'll just say that Diane ended up with scratches, a headache and a fat lip during the course of normal play. During recreation football. Not. Cool. Listen up, girl who looks young from behind but is actually very old, you're a hor-bitch, and I hope next week someone clotheslines your sorry ass.

Other highlights:
- During a huddle, Drew pointed to Gordo's crotch and said, "Look at Gordo's penis." And Gerbs said, "I'm not getting in the huddle anymore."
- At the bar afterward, somehow through a series of events I don't fully understand, these two phrases ended up written on the window in the steam:

"Steph wants to get lucky."
"Christy wants cock."

Two guys walked up to our group, looked at the window and this conversation took place:
2 Guys: "So which ones are Steph and Christy?"
S&C: "We are."
2G: "Great. We like baby seals, walks in the park and listening."

Hi. Best. Pickup line. Ever.