Sunday, December 03, 2006

I think this hangover is going to be a multiple day-er

If the sign of a good party is that it's 24 hours later and your hangover is still so bad it feels like you just woke up then the party my sister and parents threw for me last night was effing great. Apparently I was alone in my desire to skip over celebrating the end of my twenties so they rented out half a bar and invited all my friends. Thanks to Steph, everyone was wearing a picture of me that she had turned into a sticker. You could pick one of several poses. Baby pictures? Me wearing a Just Say No shirt? The first day with my tail? Me wearing a sombrero and making out with a mannequin head at New Year's last year? All available. Thanks, Steph! I guarantee there are pictures of me all over that bar today. Thank God. I love thinking about strangers getting a hold of my 5th grade school picture.

My mom made me cupcakes, rice krispie treats and a birthday cake-an actual birthday cake. I don't think she's actually made a birthday cake for me since I was in junior high. It was awesome. My sister worked out a plan with my beloved friend Marie from college to have her come in and surprise me. I haven't seen Marie in three and a half years, and she is the last person I expected to see this weekend. It was absolutely amazing, and I lost my mind. Then all my friends came to the party-only a couple of people were missing, but I know they wanted to be there. I honestly can't believe how many people came. People are just incredibly nice to me. I'm really not sure why, but I love it and am so grateful.

I have a giant stack of presents which is ridiculous. No one should have bought me anything, but I appreciate it so much. I would say that about 90% of them are alcohol or alcohol-related. Do my friends know me or what? John and his wife Leah bought me Salt and Vinegar Pringles. AWESOME.

Alcohol-wise, I really didn't drink that much. Well I mean for the first hour we were there. After that I ingested a mind-boggling amount of vodka. I'll be honest, I don't remember some things. In fact, here are things I can say for sure:

- I didn't pay for one drink all night. Even the bartender bought me a drink.
- It was BFHX Day 5 and John had a mustache. People who didn't know him would actually ask me, "So...who's that guy with the mustache?" in a very creeped out and suspicious tone.
- A kid at the bar was celebrating his birthday, too. We decided we were birthday best friends. He was turning 24 so obviously I had to hate him just on principle, but I did give him a cupcake.
- I'm pretty sure I kissed both John and Leah.
- Sharda definitely did not spend the end of the night on the bathroom floor of a stall puking into the toilet and by "did not" I mean "did".
- Using the above definition of "did not" Leah definitely did not puke into the garbage can in the bathroom.
- Danielle asked me how she could find a husband who she could get pregnant.
- My dad was really sick but he and my mom still stayed until 11.
- This is the first time I have ever been really drunk in front of my parents.
- I told about 20 people that we were BFFs including a guy who had wandered in from the other side of the bar and worked for American Greetings and made me a birthday card on a cocktail napkin.
- I'm pretty sure I wouldn't stop kissing every single person on the cheek. If you got attacked, I'm sorry. I was feeling a lot of love and needed to express it.
- At one point I was in the bathroom helping Sharda (who, by the way, kept yelling at me to leave because it was my party and she was ruining it by making it about her-what? Um hello, Sharda, that was awesome.). After about the third time John handed me a paper towel, it dawned on me that he was in the women's restroom.
- As a follow up to that, my sister told me that someone told her that they were going to go to the bathroom then they saw John come out of the women's room and 30 seconds later Danielle came out of the men's room.
- Steph, upon meeting my friend Marie, grabbed her boob. We tried to explain to Marie that that's like Steph's handshake. It basically means, "Hey-I'm Steph. How ya doin?"
- I fell on my ass and broke a glass full of cranberry and vodka. Apparently Danielle said, "Are you okay?" and then I said, "I need another cranberry and vodka!" Then I started cleaning up the glass, and my friends said to stop. They said if I cut myself the bar would be afraid I would sue. When the guy who worked there came over to clean up I said, "I don't want to sue you." And he said, "I don't think you can."
- If we spoke within the last hour or so of the party, I remember talking to you, but I have no idea what we talked about. I'm sorry if I said anything embarassing.
- At the end of the night when we got home, Drew was kind enough to direct me to the exact spot in the bushes where I could throw up.

I know I am missing tons of stuff, but my head is still pounding so it's hard to think. If my friends would like to enlighten me further with some memories in the comments, feel free.

I don't remember going to bed. Thanks to my sister for getting me there. From what I hear, it was neither fun nor easy to get me to sleep especially with all the puking. I guess I had heartburn, and I told her I needed her to take me to the hospital because it felt like someone was stabbing me. I'm sure that was not annoying. This morning when I woke up I was pretty sure I was going to die or was already in the process of dying. I threw up and then we went to breakfast with my out of town friends where I ate all of Diane's hashbrowns and a couple bites of french toast in between going to the bathroom every 10 minutes because I thought I was going to throw up again. I can safely say that I wasn't that drunk or that hungover for my 21st birthday. In fact I have never been that hungover in my entire life. I guess 30 is the new 21, and I am totally okay with that because I will now be telling everyone that I am only 21.

To my friends: Thank you so much for being there to celebrate with me. You have no idea how much you all mean to me. At least 20 times I stopped and looked around the room to see myself surrounded by so many wonderful people that I love so much, and I had to stop myself from crying. The fact that you cared enough to be there and to say such nice things to me, well, I really am overwhelmed by your kindness. I am the luckiest person on Earth. There is just no other way to say it.

To my parents: Thank you so much for helping to plan this party and for being literally the greatest parents ever known to man. I've had an amazing 30 years, and it's because of you. I love you!

To Diane: I can't believe how much trouble you went to just for your big sis's birthday. Thank you so much. It was amazing and fun and all because of you. I owe you big time for everything you did. You're the best sister anyone could ask for, and I love you. And I will be repaying you in just a couple short years when you turn 30.

To 30: I'll see you Wednesday.

P.S. We also ended up celebrating the fact that Kim and Kevin got engaged earlier that day. They were all worried about "stealing my thunder" like I'm J. Lo or something and expect all attention on me. Well they were right. I took Kim's ring and threw it down the toilet. Nobody is upstaging me at my own birthday party. Seriously, I was so excited that we all got to celebrate that, too. Kim and Kevin, I am so happy for you guys!

P.P.S. BFHX Day 4 pics are up.

14 comments:

Carly said...

Happy birthday!!!!

this sentence got better and better every time I read it:

"they saw John come out of the women's room and 30 seconds later Danielle came out of the men's room."

because at first I thought it looked like they were in there together and then I realized where she actually was...


too bad no one had any fun!

Anonymous said...

wow...can I be one your friends too...you guys have alot of fun! and alot of puking, which I can't do, but the fun part I can!

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

there's a good chunk of time from saturday that i just can't remember. luckily, i have a camera full of pcitures. holy crap. i made a picture cd for you.

John said...

until I read Carly's comment I too thought people were implying that Danielle and I were in the women's bathroom together. I mean, we were but it's not like we needed the women's restroom to cloak our make out sessions. Also I made out with Sarah a lot. Thank god my wife was there.

Johnny Virgil said...

Leah puked in the trash? That's awesome.

Danielle, I want to see the pictures.

Sarah, happy birthday. I wish I had been there!

Gordon said...

Fortunately, my hangover only lasted one day. I took a double shot of Tylenol PM and drank some of that Celestial Seasonings tea that's supposed to make you sleepy, all at about 9:45 PM last night, and slept until about 9 AM today. Classy.
Danielle, I'm also going to need pictures, as I am a retard and brought my camera, but no mem card. Aweosem.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

Did someone provide you with a bike so you could do a drunk bike ride? That would have been awesome - but only if you did not puke afterword (based on your definition of did not).

Jay said...

Best birthday recap ever. Thanks for sharing! I hope that when I turn 30 in a few years, my friends (several of whom are regular readers) do something similar. I have no doubt they can party fantastically too. If they don't take the hint though, and I end up with something clearly unawesome, can I borrow your friends?

Sarah said...

i am not, whoa-drunk bike ride. Excellent idea. I'm totally doing that for the next person who turns 30.

Jay, hell yeah you can borrow my friends. Bring that party down to Cleveland. We'll help you celebrate in style. And with puke.

Anonymous said...

Oh i had a man in a bathroom experience and it was creepier than John...which was hard with his BFHX and all...

I went to the bathroom alone (and broke the #1 girl rule) and as I'm washing my hands a man behind me at the sink says

"I can tell you want to have sex with me, I saw you watching me all night. We can do it in the bathroom now if you want."

Seriously! Seriously! And also, I was watching the triple overtime FB game over his head on TV.

I pushed him out of the way and left in a huff, indignant...but in retrospect, that is super creepy and dangerous. And seriously, the bathroom for sex? What happened to the backseat of cars like in our parents' day? When did chivarly die? -Steph

Anonymous said...

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, Sarah!

And question: are you still hungover?

Anonymous said...

If my birthday is even HALF as good as your birthday sounds, damn 30 doesn't look that bad afterall!!!! Friday the 15th here I come!

Michelle said...

Happy Birthday!!

I too celebrated my b-day this weekend, as it was a great time I do have to say that I did not miss all the puking you and your friends did...must be the age difference. :)

slcup said...

Dammit I wish I lived in OH. When you hit 30 tomorrow, you'll have to tell me how it is; 30 and I will be shackin' up in March.