Volume Two

Last week a crazy guy on the street turned to me and said, "Hey lady! Workin' hard or hardly workin'!?" and I was like, "Dad?"

So I'm like 99% sure that I sound exactly like Mariah Carey when I sing "All I Want For Christmas" at full blast in my car. You can just ask those people lucky enough to get stuck next to me at a traffic light. They cover their ears as if to say, "No stop-you're too good." And when I start dancing they stare at me eyes wide open, mouths agape as if my sweet, sweet moves have stunned them into a state of immobility.

More on Diane's b-day CDs.

Sarah's 30th Volume 2
1. I Think We're Alone Now - Tiffany: If you know me at all, you know I love Tiffany. Obviously. When I was a little girl, I used to pretend it was me with the cool jean jacket and earrings singing this song in all of the malls across America. Dammit I love her. Special note to Debbie Gibson: you know I love you just as much.

2. Break It Down Again - Tears For Fears: The summer before my junior year in high school, I went to Europe, and they played this song a lot there, and IT IS AWESOME. Interesting sidenote: My friend Mike thinks that when they say "hot tips for the boys" they are really saying "I touch little boys". It's fun to listen to this song with him.

3. So Yesterday - Hilary Duff: Holy crap I love Hilary Duff. Love her or hate her, the girl is a freakin' entertainment industry mogul. But still she's all like, "I'm gonna keep your jeans and your old black hat-cuz I wanna." Awesome! Girl power, Hilary! P.S. Um...stop losing weight.

4. Nice & Slow - Usher: I used to make Diane listen to the first verse of this song over and over and over. "It's seven o'CLOCK on the DOT I'm in my DROP TOP cruisin' the streets. I got a real pretty pretty little thing that's waiting for me." Rewind.

5. Parents Just Don't Understand - Fresh Prince: They seriously don't, you guys. Is there anybody my age who didn't love this song when it came out? I thought it was the most hilarious song ever. Is that guy for real a serious actor now? What? Also, do you guys remember "A Nightmare on My Street" about Freddy Krueger?

6. Bootylicious - Destiny's Child: I really don't think you guys are ready for this jelly.

7. More Than Words - Extreme: If you were a girl in junior high when this song came out, you love it. But I have to think that actual Extreme fans couldn't have been too pleased with this new "change in musical direction". Wait-Extreme fans don't exist. Okay we're good. Oh yes I did. Look at me going out on a ledge to make fun of Extreme. It's never been done before.

8. I Can Tell - BBMak: I can't believe how much I loved a band called BBMak. I say "loved" like it's in the past, but the truth is as soon as I saw this song was on here, I went and got out my BBMak CD to listen to the whole thing.

9. When I Come Around - Green Day: I'd like to take this moment to apologize to all the kids I used to drive to school my senior year. I know that everyday I picked you up and you got into the car hopeful that a new song would be playing. And every day you would end up defeated and disappointed that it would be yet another car ride listening to "When I Come Around". And I'd like to apologize to my mother who was particularly chagrined that I used to wear my Green Day Dookie t-shirt to school all the time. I know you were afraid of what people would think of you letting your daughter out of the house wearing a shirt with a picture of poop on it. Man I miss that shirt. I heart Green Day.

10. Since You Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson: Released right when B left me, this became my ultimate 'get over the break up' song. Is there anyone who doesn't love this song? If so, you can just get the hell out.

11. Jessie - Joshua Kadison: It's very possible I am the only person besides my sister that even remembers this song. I used to make my boyfriend listen to it in high school all the time. I think he would've preferred it if I had jammed a couple of crayons into his ear canals.

12. Popsicle - New Kids on the Block: This is from their very first album ever which you only have if you were a true die-hard NKOTB fan like me and my sister. This song sounds exactly like what you would expect a song called "Popsicle" to sound like. It's sung by a pre-pubescent Joey, and he says to the girl he's singing to, "You're my popsicle." I don't even know what that means. If you want a laugh, listen to this album. If you are still a die-hard, what's up? We should start a club.

13. Love Will Come to You - Indigo Girls: I am totally out of the closet about my love for the Indigo Girls. See how I did that there. They're lesbians. So I made a coming out joke. Listen I'm just tossing 'em out there. You better pay attention if you want to keep up with me. The Indigo Girls remain one of my top 5 favorite bands/groups ever. EVER. FYI I would give my left arm to be able to write songs like Emily Saliers (the blonde Indigo Girl).

14. Kyrie - Mr. Mister: Second favorite 80's song of all time. First is obviously "Photograph" by Def Leppard. Mr. Mister is the greatest name for a band ever. I bet they were drunk when they came up with that.

15. The Real Thing - Kenny Loggins: I've made no secret of my love for Kenny Loggins. As I told Drew, "I think Peter Cetera and Kenny Loggins really define who I am as a person*." This is from an album that came out when I was 14 or 15. I remember I got it for my birthday or Christmas or something and shortly after that we went on a family ski trip to New York. I was at that age where any chance I could get, wherever I was, whoever I was with, I was listening to my headphones prompting my mother to frequently say, "Sarah, can you please take off the headphones and join the conversation." Sidenote: We stayed at my parents' friend's house on Lake Chautauqua, and it was the scariest house I've ever been in. Plus it didn't have cable. Excuse me? Eff you, parents' friends.

16. Somewhere in Between - Phil Vassar: Phil Vassar is such a great songwriter. I am obsessed with him. I would buy anything he did. I used to annoy my roommate's boyfriend by singing his first album all the time in my room. He used to annoy me by just being around.

17. Invincible - Pat Benetar: I want to BE Pat Benetar. Could she be any cooler? No. She could not. I think if I was one of those people whose whole life was singing karaoke, my "act" would be singing only Pat Benetar songs. This particular song is from the movie, "The Legend of Billie Jean" starring a young Christian Slater and a young Helen Slater (whoa I never noticed they had the same last name) as a girl who takes a stand against crime and corruption (i.e., a guy trashed her brother's motor scooter) by running away and shaving her head a la Joan of Ark and becoming famous or "a legend" as the title suggests because she yells, "Fair's fair!" over and over and yeah I'm not really sure what's up with this movie. I just remember this one scene where a girl gets her first period in the back of a car, and it's really gross and when I saw this movie as a kid, I'm sure I exclaimed "GRODY!" This song couldn't kick more ass, though.

18. EI - Nelly: Nelly rules everything. Best rapper ever. I will have his babies.

19. Wannabe - Spice Girls: When this song first came out, I hated it with everything inside of me. Then I drove to Columbus with my friend Mario who made me listen to it the entire way there and thus I received the greatest brainwashing of all time. This song is awesome. And I have yet to meet a guy who when talking about this song has not made this joke: "'If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends.'-uh okay. If you insist! I have no problem getting with your friends! Zing!" Okay I added that Zing part. It's a new thing I'm trying out.

*Drew would later say that this was the best sentence he's ever heard in his life.