Liveblogging the Oscars

So I actually decided to watch the Oscars tonight.  Lately I've been trying to avoid them, but I like a few of the films I've seen, and there are a lot of other ones I want to see.  Also I haven't had enough of James Franco lately.  Let's get started:

This intro is hilarious. Alec Baldwin rules everything. You guys watch "30 Rock", right? You do. Also Morgan Freeman just introduced James Franco as "the star of General Hospital". Classic.


I love Anne Hathaway.  She's so likeable, and in my heart she will always be Mia from The Princess Diaries. Pretty dress, Anne!

Art direction blah blah blah. Bo-ring!

Kirk Douglas is still charming and feisty. I love it. Hey is Michael Douglas okay? Wasn't he sick? Melissa Leo just dropped the f-bomb. Awesome. Also she guest starred on an episode of "Veronica Mars" once where she played a transgendered man. I've decided I like her.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis…what is happening. Do they have bad timing together or is this just supposed to be unfunny? If that's the case, mission accomplished.

Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem-matching tuxes. Cute. Holy crap can you imagine having dinner with Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz? You would have no fucking idea what anyone was saying the entire time.

Professional screenwriters should give all awards speeches.

Is anyone really surprised to see James Franco in a dress? I mean come on. Let's get real.

I cannot believe they are remaking Arthur. Also…I really want to hate Russell Brand, but goddammit he's kind of charming, right? Have you seen him on a talk show? He's, like, lovable. Dammit, Russell Brand. Damn you.

I have to say, I'm enjoying the fancy ponytails tonight on Anne and Reese. How can I do that with my hair?

I am very sad that Geoffrey Rush didn't win Best Supporting Actor because he was amazing. I swear to God if Colin Firth doesn't win for Best Actor, I will riot. It just doesn't get any better.

Uh oh, Anne, weird dress and hair alert. You look like a bird.

Okay this movie soundtrack montage is my favorite thing ever. I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I am a total movie soundtrack nerd. I love orchestra music and I love movies and I LOOOVE movie soundtracks. Listening to movie soundtracks is an Okay Seriously family past time. Also ET happens to be one of my favorite movie scores of all time. I am geeking out here.

Hey when is Matthew McConaughey going to be in a new movie? I need to see him with his shirt off.

I will say this, make up artists amaze me. How do they do it? Cate Blanchett made me laugh when she said, "That's gross" after the scenes from The Wolfman because I was literally thinking the same thing. Ah I see Rick Baker is still rocking the old man ponytail. Classy! Is Rick Baker purporting to be straight? Because…huh?

Okay favorite song from a movie? It is impossible for me to pick one. I have been sitting here for 15 minutes, paralyzed, trying to think of just one. It cannot be done so I am going to let myself off the hook. But please feel free to tell me yours.

Um…Chuck's going to sing with Mandy Moore? What? Whoa…he's good! Seriously…what is happening?

Jake Gyllenhaal wants me to see more short films. How the hell do you even go see a short film? I'm for real asking. Holy shit I finished typing that, and two seconds later afro guy who won for Best Live Action Short Film told me I could watch short films on iTunes. Get out of my mind, Afro Short Man!

James Franco, I'm trying to decide if you're funny or awkward.

Oy-a huge misstep with this autotune musical montage. Except for Taylor Lautner's abs.

Oprah! Somewhere Steph is freaking out right now. They are BFFs (in her mind). She is also Mind BFFs with Andy Cohen. Holy boobs, Oprah. Fabulous! If I met Oprah in person she would definitely think I was an ass. Why aren't the documentary people more excited to meet her? This is how I feel when I show people a picture of my nephew, and they don't react with enough enthusiasm for how cute he is. I get annoyed. Sidenote: He is the cutest ever. Another sidenote: You guys know I'm not political, but FOR FUCKING REAL. Why aren't any financial executives rotting in jail right now?!? Okay enough of that. I want to meet Oprah. And my nephew is so cute they had to make a new scale to measure cuteness.

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. have great chemistry. Should I see the Sherlock Holmes movie?

Okay the editors for The Social Network just hugged before they did their speech. That was super cute. Does David Fincher ever smile?

I don't love any of the songs nominated so I really don't care what wins. I think I'll vote for the one from Tangled because I love Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi. Or Randy Newman. Whatever. I don't care. Wait he's only won 2 times? That is shocking. He's for real nominated every year. I'm loving his speech. He's like, "I'm quirky and old, and I will say whatever I want."

Oh God the "In Memoriam" section. Leslie Nielsen! How much do you love Leslie Nielsen? Kobayashi from Usual Suspects! Lynn Redgrave! Jill Clayburgh? She died? Sad! Dennis Hopper! Um…no Corey Haim? Fuck you, Academy. Also did I miss Rue McClanahan because that is seriously messed up if they left her off.

Anne's blue shiny dress is not good.

Remember when Hilary Swank was on "90210"? She has 2 Oscars now. Just reminding everyone.

Annette Bening's hair is getting more insane every year. She is now 7 inches taller than she was 10 years ago.

Jeff Bridges! My eternal older man crush. No judging please. He is delicious. So there was no question Natalie Portman was going to win Best Actress, right? I mean I wrote this before they even announced the winner. I haven't seen Black Swan nor do I plan to, but I love Natalie Portman, and she's really good so I'm completely fine with this.

I couldn't love Sandra Bullock more. Literally. I need Jesse Eisenberg to laugh at her jokes. She's funny and delightful, Jesse! Okay SERIOUSLY. Colin Firth better win this. I will lose it if he doesn't. YESSSS!! You guys, I'm telling you. This is ridiculously well deserved. Go see this movie if you haven't already. I love you, Colin Firth.

Oh my. Anne's last dress is a nightmare.

Steven Spielberg! Jurassic Park theme song! I'm just saying.

Wow. I loved The King's Speech, but I'm actually surprised it won. I thought for sure The Social Network would win it. Yay! I think the last time I saw the winning picture was Titanic. I only saw that one 3 times in the theater. Didn't we all? Just admit it. Okay I just looked it up, and I saw The Departed which won in 2006 (fucking awesome movie) and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (fucking awesome movie).

These singing kids are cute. I'm almost positive these are the same kids who sang at the lighting of the White House Christmas tree.  That fun fact is brought to you courtesy of HGTV.  I love you, HGTV!

In summation: I'm pretty sure James Franco was high tonight.

My first attempt at using the Blogger app for Droid

Dear 100 year old man driving (swerving) in front of me last night,

I already assumed you shouldn't be driving (swerving) when I saw your old man hat and your handicapped sticker. But then you sealed it for me when, in a fit of confusion, you just stopped your car in the middle of an intersection. I was not surprised when I passed you and you had an oxygen mask on. I tried to get your attention to see if you needed help, but you didn't see me. I think the best way for me to help would be if I TOOK YOUR LICENSE AWAY FOREVER. Seriously, it's over. I'm sure you're a lovely man whose family would very much like you alive and/or not in jail for vehicular manslaughter. Also I do like that hat. It is so grandpa-y.

Love,
Sarah

Note: If this app works, expect mini posting to be my new thing.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Another Valentine's Day, another bottle of wine consumed

Happy Valentine's Day!  Yes, it's a stupid holiday.   But my cold heart was warmed tonight when I went to dinner with my friends and cuddled with my perfect nephew.  He's so cute, it's painful.  He smiles all the time now, has huge beautiful dimples and a butt chin, and when you lean in to kiss him he opens his mouth.  It's slobbery and amazing. 

Saturday, in honor of VD (you guys are gross), we bar hopped and shared stories of all the kids who broke our hearts when we were little.  For example, Bryan B. totally checked "No" when I asked him to go with me in 5th grade.  And in 2nd grade, Mike M. dumped Steph because she had red hair which he said was "ugly"-even though he had red hair, too.  Uncool, Mike!  Many, many, many, many drinks were consumed and lots of fun was had.  Also Steph and I totally looked like slutty moms-lots of cleavage paired with cardigans.  Listen I don't want to give up showing off the ladies, but also I'm cold.  Thus "Inappropriate PTA Mom" (that's what I called myself.)

Okay random stuff:

- Go see "The King's Speech".  It's wonderful and feel good, and the acting is literally as good as it gets. 

- "This is not my generation." - Our friend's girlfriend, while walking off the dance floor at a birthday party, 10 seconds after "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan started playing and 5 seconds after Diane, Drew, Matt, Woody and I were like, "Yeah!  Now we're talking!  Awesome song!"

- Hey.  I have a serious question:

Awesome.

This is my version of Access Hollywood only without any interviews or facts or anything of interest to anyone

We can talk Hollywood, right?  I'm pretty sure nothing important is going on anywhere else in the rest of the world.  There is certainly no history making, attention demanding, political uprising happening anywhere.  That's for sure.  I think we're clear to proceed with talking about the things that really matter.

1.  I like James Franco, okay?  I do.  But I just...I need like a breather away from him.  He is seriously constantly in my face.  A lot of women think he is uber hot.  I am not one of them.  I think he's cute in that "weird dude who sits in the back of my Religion 101 class and sleeps-I mean I guess he's kinda cute I just wish he wasn't high all the time" way.  I do like him, though (hello, General Hospital appearance!?).  I just need like 5 minutes.  Five minutes Franco free.

2.  New shows: 

- Off the Map.  This is Grey's in the jungle.  I'm not in love with it, but I like the jungle medicine.  And it has my beloved Matt Saracen so I will watch it until it is off the air or my eyeballs no longer work.  Speaking of Matt Saracen, sweetest most wonderful character on television, why aren't you watching Friday Night Lights again?  Let's get going here.  The final season starts April 15th on NBC so you have time to catch up before then. 

- Perfect Couples.  I watched this one because it was after Community.  It was not awesome but kind of charming.  However, I thought tonight's episode was hilarious.  I like the cast (Olivia Munn is blah-but she's harmless and cute so I'm okay with it).  Plus hilarious phone commercial guy is in it and some hot guy with permanent party voice.  (Is this helping you learn the actors' names?)  And, okay, has anyone seen the movie "Fired Up"?  It's so stupid, but I love that movie.  There's a guy in it-he plays a dickhead boyfriend-and he's so funny I literally cannot deal with it.  At one point he and his friends are driving in his convertible singing "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba at the top of their lungs, and he's like, "Awesome song! Chumbawumba. It's the soundtrack of my life man!"  Dammit that's funny.  And his last scene of the movie had me giggling so uncontrollably, I had to pause the movie (yeah I actually rented it).  Anyway, that guy is on this show.  He plays Vance for those who watch it.  I don't know why, but I am seriously into this guy and his delivery.  Give him to me.

3.  Anyone watch Medium?  Did you see the series finale?  WORST. SERIES. FINALE. EVER.  Amiright?  I am so right!  Diane, Drew and I are pretending it never happened.  Seriously, Medium watchers, I want to hear from you.  What did you think of the HORRIBLENESS (real word)?

Sidenote:  You guys, I just had to pause this blog post because my nose was bleeding.  That is hot.

4.  "The Roommate" is this generation's "Single White Female", right?

5.  That movie "Hall Pass" totally stole Steph's pickup line ("Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?  Enough to break the ice.  Hi. I'm Steph.")  Note:  I have seen this work.
6.  I just saw a preview for something called "I Am Number Four".  a) What the hell is that?  b) Who the hell is this?

Seriously.  This guy is good.  He's good stuff.  Well done, genetics.  His name is like Alex BritishNameHotGuy, and I'm pretty sure he's about 15.  Is everyone in the movies now 10-15 years younger than me?  That's what it feels like.  Excuse me while I go watch "Cocoon".  What's sad is, that's barely a joke.  I effing love Cocoon.  Guttenberg?  Brimley?  Yes please.

6.  Not Hollywood related, but I'm all about breaking the rules.  Last night I had dreams within my dreams.  Lots of them.  It was seriously my own version of  "Inception".  In one of them, I had a pet dragon (obviously) who I named Falkor.  I like how in my dreams, I'm still referencing pop culture (you guys know).  Anyway, Johnny Virgil read that on Twitter and then this happened over instant messaging:

From Johnny Virgil:

From Okay Seriously:

Work is fun sometimes.

My computer is trying to kill me

Dear computer,
Can you please stop being the most annoying POS on Earth?  The slowness, the random attacks where suddenly everything is "Not Responding" at once.  I will punch you. Something is up your butt the past week or so, and I'm gonna need you to calmly and quietly remove it.  I mean you don't really have a "butt" per se, but if you did, I guess it would be...the DVD drive?  Is it weird that I'm suggesting computers have body parts and that I am spending time looking for the ass?  Yes it is, but in my defense I live alone and am most likely insane.  I will write my manifesto as soon as you GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, COMPUTER!  

So I literally cannot believe it's been 25 years since the Challenger exploded.  How is that possible?  Raise your hand if you were, like me, a little kid watching it on TV at school.  I remember I really didn't know what was going on since I'd never seen a space shuttle launch before.  I didn't know anything was wrong until it was very clear all the teachers were really upset.  Here's Ronald Reagan's speech addressing it on TV that night. 

How about some pictures?

Here's a picture of a weird turkey duck hybrid type of animal.  Seriously this thing is weird, and when we were in Florida it kept walking up to our table while we were eating.  I would guess it's a type of duck, but what's up with your face, duck!?  Also I don't like to be bothered by mascots when I'm eating.  And that's pretty much what you are.

Look I'm a giant!

When I was in junior high, I had these shorts.  I got them at a store called Wearhouse of Fashion.  Any West side Clevelandars out there know this store?  You could get like 3 grocery bags worth of clothes for $20 or something ridiculous.  I'm not joking.  You brought your own bags.  And it was just a huge warehouse.  My mom, sister and I and my friend Kim and her mom used to go once every couple months and spend hours there.  It was awesome.  The clothes were not.  But I loved them anyway.  Especially these shorts.  I had two pairs, each with patterns.  I wore a lot of matching pocket tees with them. 

Behold these beauties:

Some comments:

1. Right?  I wore these.  In public.  A lot.
2.  I guarantee that purple shirt is tucked in in the front but not the back.
3.  Pink slouch socks.
4.  Keds.
5.  Not pictured:  My oversized barette, my rolled up t-shirt sleeves, my tail, my pride.

Thought I should tell you about my last weekend since it's now next weekend

Friday we went to happy hour.  Our new friend Claire was there.  Matt and Woody met Claire at a bar, and she is so lovely they invited her out to meet everyone.  She is awesome.  Since she was new, we completely behaved ourselves.  And by that I mean we told her embarassing drunk stories and Steph brought up...okay I can't write it.  I thought I would just link to a definition of it, but I don't feel comfortable even typing it into Google.  Seriously I'm like a prude 7th grader at this point.  So yeah suffice it to say, it's a sexual act that, as a group, we decided was pretty lame.  It involves a man and a woman...and boobs.  Okay I can't say anything else.  I feel my face getting hot and blushy.  Let me just be clear and say that this is not something we have ever talked about, yet, Steph brought it up three times in 2 weeks.  Once on New Year's Eve, once a week later and then again in front of our new friend Claire who I'm quite certain thinks we are drunken deviants.

Despite that, however, she showed up on Saturday for game night.  She must be a glutton for punishment.  Also she sat by me, and I would not let her take a break from telling me her life story.  I can be very pushy when I have decided I want to be friends with someone.  I will get in your face until you like me dammit.  Also can I just say Pictionary rules.  If you haven't played lately, I suggest you do.  Watching your friends figure out how to draw things is the best thing ever.  For example, Sharda had to draw "ice chest", and she drew ice (I don't remember how) and then drew huuuuge boobs.  It was X-rated and brilliant because we guessed it.  I had to draw "New Jersey", and I drew the United States and circled approximately where I thought New Jersey might be.  It's on the right, right?  By the way, my picture of the US excluded Florida.  Like I just forgot it was there.  Then I drew this:

'What the hell is that?' you're asking.  If you're Matt, you yell out "New Jersey!" because you have immediately figured out that that is Snookie.  Greatest drawing ever?  Maybe.  You can see my Pictionary drawing skills match my MS Paint skills.

Sunday was poker night at my friend Mike's house where I met an awesome hairdresser who told me I had pretty hair then I got wasted and called a bunch of my coworkers-including several managers-pussies.  I'm expecting a pink slip soon.*

Monday was book club which involved lots of wine, girl talk, TV talk and hot guy talk. Oh and book talk.  That's never the focus of our book club, though.  I mean let's get serious.  This book was about the Holocaust so it was a real laugh riot. 

Since I've been a bad blogger-I think maybe I have writer's block, no joke-here is a bonus picture of me as a kid executing the greatest cartwheel ever:

Just look at that form.  I mean one of my feet is even off the ground a little bit.  Prodigy!  P.S. My sister was wearing the same leotard in pink.  Also we had matching legwarmers. 

*Just kidding, Mom and Dad.

Maybe I don't need you to post every single thought as you have it

It actually feels like three people are simultaneously smashing my head in with sledgehammers right now so I pre-apologize for my brevity.  And also ugh, you guys.  This Arizona shooting is just...ugh.  It's so depressing.  I needed a break from reality.  So I just spent an hour reading Your Status is Annoying.  I am totally obsessed with this site, and I found out it's run by a Clevelander which makes me very proud.  It compiles real life annoying Facebook statuses.  Come on-we all have friends on Facebook whose statuses are literally the worst.  Well thanks to this site, you have a chance to take anonymous revenge by sending the offender's worst statuses to be posted and mocked for the entire world to see.  Awesome.  I wish I had thought of it.  A warning: There's a good chance you'll be truly saddened by the butchering of the English language by some of our society's younger members.  We're doomed.  That is essentially what I'm trying to say.  Our future is going to hell in a handbasket.  However, that may not matter since...

...the world is for sure ending, right? Birds falling from the sky, thousands of fish suddenly dying, floods in Australia, ice storms in the south. I mean this is it. Time to complete those bucket lists, gang.  The end is

P.S.  Are Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds dating?  Is this really happening?  I should be more outraged on behalf of Scarlett since they literally just announced their divorce-you know female solidarity and all-but I can't help it.  I am super excited.  Sandy and Ryan might be the cutest pairing ever.  I mean besides me and Ryan.

Welcome to the other side

I have strategically placed this picture first to make sure none of you can be mad at me for not posting all week.  You can't be mad!  Cute baby wrapped up under the tree!

So I took a vacation from, well, everything.  I had a week off of work, and it was glorious.  I fell into an abyss of sleeping in, getting stuff done on my house and Netflix streaming.  You guys, seriously.  Netflix streaming.  Why have I just discovered this?  First I find they are streaming Veronica Mars, and now I see that they are streaming all seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Hello!  Go relive the magic.  (I'm assuming we all watched both of these when they were on since they were AWESOME.)

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.  Mine was fantastic as usual.  On Christmas Eve we ate chop suey-a traditional Christmas Eve dinner...for the cast of "A Christmas Story".  Then my sister, Drew and I got into our matching shirts and went to bed.  You wish I was kidding, don't you.  I'm not.  We have matching shirts from our Reindeer Run race last year.  We wear them on Christmas.  We are losers.  If I ever get a boyfriend, we're going to have to get new shirts.  I totally set it up like I was going to say, "If I ever get a boyfriend, we'll have to stop with the matching shirts", but I went the opposite direction.  I'm sure handing him a shirt that the three of us are already wearing won't scare him away.

Having Trevor with us this year was absolutely amazing.  He obviously had no idea what was going on and he slept most of the day, but just having him there elevated the day.  I mean he had a Santa hat on.  A baby sized Santa hat!  Also he smiles now-real smiles and not just because he has gas.  It's the best thing ever.  I say that a lot of things are the best thing ever, but this is actually the best thing ever. 

As you all know, New Year's in my nemesis.  I've laid out the reasons why in the past.  But this year, we decided not to stress about our plans, to treat it like any other night out with friends.  And it worked.  It was actually...*gulp*...fun.  Some highlights:

-   Steph didn't  make us eat the ass bread.  Well, not exactly anyway.  She brought actual soft pretzels instead of pure ass in a pretzel shape so it tasted good.  Matt talked her into it.  Thank you, Matt.  Seriously...thank you. 

- Not really a highlight, more just a fact:  Due to something called "the stomach flu", Diane and Drew weren't able to come out.  But silver lining:  New Year's Redo, anyone? 

- Again not a highlight per se, but poor Steph had an asthma attack, and Matt had to go get her inhaler.  While she was on the sidewalk hacking and almost dying from lack of oxygen, strangers walked by and told her she should quit smoking.  Helpful.

- Meg cried at midnight because she "felt so blessed to have such awesome people in her life".  I also think it's because she "was so drunk." 

- I kissed hot dudes.  Okay they were the guys we came with but whatever.  I'm counting it. 

- This is how Steph ordered a drink for me at one point:  "If you were a freshman in college and wanted to get a girl drunk who doesn't drink, what would you make?  Make that."  The bartender nodded and then made me some fruity drink that tasted like it came straight from heaven. I had 2 more of those puppies.

So now it's 2011.  Only one more year till the world ends.  According to John Cusack anyway.  Steph says a new year is a chance for a clean slate, for renewal and reinvention.  I'm thinking I should reinvent myself as Ryan Reynolds new wife.  Also I should learn to ice skate since it was on my "Things to do before I'm 30" list, and if I don't learn it soon I'm running a real risk of breaking a hip if I fall.  Other goals include:  learning to juggle, watching an Oscar nominated movie without falling asleep, blogging more frequently, making my fat roll talk to people at parties less frequently and buying more tennis shoes with laces that require I bend over to put them on.  No I'm joking about that last one.  Obviously.

What are your goals for the last year on Earth (thanks Mayans!)?

Christmas Pre-show

Hey so...Christmas Eve is tomorrow.  I think I speak for every old person when I say, "How the fuck is it Christmas Eve already?"  Okay some of you probably would've left out the f-bomb, but I captured the sentiment correctly, I think.  Also, stop being a pussy and just use the f-bomb.

Here's what I've been up to:

- Two weeks ago we went to the Christmas Story house.  If you're in town, it's worth a quick look, but honestly it's overrated.  The best part is looking at it from the outside with the leg lamp in the window.  It's also fun to obnoxiously yell out quotes from the movie while other people are trying to enjoy their tour of the house and museum.  Try to go with Steph who will complain about how boring it is the entire time.  She was so angry with us for making her go.  It made it all worth it.  After that, we went to Great Lakes Brewing Company.  Then Bazaar Bizarre to see our friends CLE Clothing Company and Lindsayknits.  You should buy stuff from them because they are awesome and make quality things.  Also they are all really cute people.  After that it was Reddstone then YOLO Wine bar.  Then we went to The Harp.  Basically what I'm saying is we kind of did an impromptu pub crawl, and it was awesome.  My 5 week old nephew was with us for everything but the Christmas Story house.  He loves to party.  I love him so much it hurts.  Steph couldn't go to The Harp with us because she had to go officiate a wedding.

...

???

Oh sorry do you have questions about that?  Well, first of all, you read it right.  Steph-my little red-headed pistol of a friend who 5 years ago got ordained over the Internet-married two of her friends at a restaurant 2 weeks ago.  Let it sink in.  I'll wait. 

Here's how I found out:  Steph and I were supposed to be in a "modern day sleigh ride" parade that night.  Basically people with convertibles drive down the street with the top down, waving while Christmas music plays.  Totally normal thing to do.  So a few days before that was supposed to happen, I got this text message:  "Can't do the open sleigh ride convertible Saturday.  I have to perform a wedding at the [restaurant name redacted].  You read that correctly.  Sorry!  You can take my car tho and go without me."

I literally cannot tell you how many questions flooded my mind.  I was so overwhelmed with the need for more detail that I had to take time to compose my response.  Essentially what happened was a couple of her friends decided to get married on a whim, and Steph reminded them that she was Internet ordained.  That's all it took.

How does this happen in real life?  Because she is Steph.  And her life is not normal.  She finally admitted it after this.  A few things:

1.  She married them before their appetizers came.
2.  She forgot to do the rings.
3.  She put the wrong date on the marriage certificate.
4.  She wore a kimono.

I know you have a hundred more questions, but I have no answers for you.  This is just...how it is.  Have I mentioned before that I love Steph?  You guys seriously need to find your own.  It is too much fun.

- Our annual Girls Christmas party was last Friday.  As usual it was filled with lots of wine, food and high pitched screams.  I don't know what the deal is with women, but when we get together our voices just get higher and higher.  What is that about?  Anyway, champagne was flowing that night.  Mostly through my veins.  I mean I drank A LOT of it.  A lot.  Like thinking about how much is almost embarassing.  It makes sense because I was hosting.  It's always good when the host is the drunkest person at the party.  People love going to parties with an asshole in charge.  I'm sure everyone loved it when, toward the end of the party, I blasted Jason Derulo and sang at the top of my lungs.  It was really Christmasy.  Other highlights:  Meg ballet dancing to "The Twelve Days of Christmas" as sung by John Denver and the Muppets, Carrie screaming about how much she loves Taylor Dane.  I know there were other highlights but my gawd I drank a lot of champagne.

[ed. note]: Why aren't you listening to "We Are Golden" by Mika right now?  It's so awesome.

- Steph had a Christmas party on Saturday after Diane somehow convinced her to at the last minute.  It was a wine tasting party.  We did this a couple years ago, and it was a complete drunken cluster.  Everyone brings a wine-white or red-two bottles of the same brand.  Then we wrap one up, and everyone tastes them all and picks their favorite red and favorite white.  Whoever brings the winning wine, wins all the extra bottles.  Two years ago, I won the white contest.  This year I won the white contest again.  I don't want to brag, but EAT IT, LOSER FRIENDS.  I'm just saying this is now like "my thing":  winning things at parties.  Woody doesn't drink wine so he brought Boone's Farm.  Obviously.  It was entered into the white contest so guess what that means?  Yep-I won a bottle of Boone's Farm.  Like that's punishment.  Please.  I live for cheap girly wine.  They might as well call it Sarah's Farm.  I hope they don't, though.  Trevor was at this party, too.  I'm not kidding-at 6 weeks he has a busier social life than I do.  Also look what Steph uses as a water dish for her dog:


















[ed. note]: TV related stuff:  Stupid Christmas episode of "The Office" was great.  I wanted to be all whiny about how it's not the same show, and then it was amazing.  Stupid Dwight with his decoy snowmen making me pee my pants laughing and stupid Jim making me cry at his reaction to Pam's gift, and Daryl has a daughter (!), and Michael breaking down in the parking lot then walking Pam back inside so she wouldn't slip and then dressing up as Santa Claus.  Ugh.  So good!  What am I going to complain about, Office!?  Oh how about "Gossip Girl"?  Serena is awful.  Like 100% awful and nothing else.  Blair is amazing.  Also the right group won "The Sing-Off", right?  I totally voted for them.  So far, I'm on a 2 for 2 streak of picking the winner.  This clearly means I should be a judge on the show and that I should have sex with Nick Lachey.  Dude. Is. Hot.

- Last night was Christmas Happy Hour(s) at Meg's place.  This party also came to be after Diane convinced Meg to have it.  What is up with Diane talking people into having parties?  It's awesome.  I think it's so she can easily bring Trev.  He was at this one, too.  The girls fight over who gets to hold him.  They time each other and call "next".  I'm okay with it because when I'm around him when it's just the family, I'm a shameless baby hog.  I don't even care. Give him to me. Anyway Meg had decided she had too much wine at home and wanted help drinking it. Well we are really caring friends, and Meg needed our help so what choice did we have?  She needed us.  I was told this morning that we finished off about 15 bottles.  Holy hell.  We also had alcohol infused whipped cream.  Have you guys tried this stuff?  It's amazing.  Why did it take so long for this to be invented?  We were eating the chocolate kind out of little chocolate shot glasses along with some Bailey's.  At one point (after several glasses of wine, I should add), I decided I just wanted the whipped cream so I just put some of it on my hand and ate it with my finger.  So did Matt-only he didn't use any fingers.  It was just all kinds of wrong.  Let's leave it at that.  The best part?  It stained my hand.  Take a look:

Oh yeah-it looked like someone took a dump on my hand.  What's worse is that I was eating the whipped cream with my right index finger, and that finger had the same color stain.  So not only did it look like someone pooped on my hand, but it also looked like I stuck my finger up someone's ass.  It's really too bad that it eventually came off (after 27 washings) because I think it would've been interesting to see my coworkers' reactions to this.  "Sarah, what's on your hand?"  "Oh...it's...I mean...I went to a party last night.  It got...weird."

I think poopstain hands is as good a time as any to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and/or Happy December 25th.  I realize I've been a bad blogger, but my resolution for 2011 is to pick up the pace again.  I appreciate all of you very much.  This year, as you know, is an extra special holiday at the Okay Seriously house because of the addition of my nephew Trevor.  I can't even begin to explain the impact his arrival has had on me.  Life without him is no longer a reality I want to think about ever.  And he's not even my son.  I'm sure those kinds of feelings are tenfold when it's your own kid.  Bonus previously unthought of impact:  When my sister and I go shopping we get to park in these spots now:

Even though Trev will have no idea what's happening on Christmas Day, just having him there is going to make this an absolutely amazing Christmas.  I truly and sincerely hope for the same kind of holiday for you all.

I'll meet you back here after the big day, and then we can stop being grateful for everything we have and start bitching about how New Year's is the worst holiday ever known to man. 

P.S.  I got a couple new watches for my birthday, and John said, "Maybe I should get a watch."  And I was like, "You should.  You're almost 40."  Then he said, "Well I have a Blackberry so I just get the time from that."  Then this happened:

Love you all.

Hack this!

I'm sure there was a huge panic on the interweb today when 3 of you came to this blog and were met with a "this blog has been removed" message.  I was hacked, y'all.  (I'm using y'all because I'm currently listening to a Kenny Chesney song.)  Dinner was definitely not purchased for me before this violation took place which is some serious bullshit.  But don't worry-I'm still here...not updating regularly. 

Some things we need to talk about:

1.  So I don't particularly miss having my mind fucked every week by "Lost", but I do miss doing my recaps.  And I miss Matthew Fox on my tv with a stubbly beard.  There are still some good shows on, but not like that one, right?  I think "The Event" is testing me to see just how little I can care about characters in a TV show.  I had to let that one go as I realized a couple weeks ago in the middle of an episode, 'Hey you know what?  I just really don't give a shit.'  I am still loving "Hawaii Five-0".  I think this is for several reasons:  1) It's a procedural drama on CBS-the old people's network, and I am old now, 2) I like cop shows, 3) Just...he's so hot.  Alex O'Loughlin is seriously just so so hot.  And I love "Cougar Town", "Modern Family" and "Community".  They're all so effing hysterical.  Seriously I will marry Troy on "Community".  He is perfect every single week.

2.  Ryan Reynold and Scarlett Johansson, right??  In my mind they never really made sense which is an intelligent and kind thing to say seeing as I don't know either of them at all.  But I mean I will still sit here and judge them from my recliner while eating York Peppermint Patties.  Anyway, she seems blah.  He seems perfect in every single way imaginable.  So...inevitable?

3.  Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron!!  This is SHOCKING!  Also, kids, what are you doing breaking up at the same time as Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson?  You need better timing if you want to be on the cover of a magazine.

4.  Tell me you guys are watching "The Sing Off".  Because it is amazing.  I was obsessed with it last season, and I am so happy it's back.  Fellow viewers, the old timers should not be on this show, right?  Jerry whatever his name is?  He's like an actual Motown singer.  How is this fair that now he gets to be on an amateur competition?  The judges never say anything bad to him because he's like some legend or something.  Whatever!  Get an actual record deal and let some younger kids just starting out win this!  Also the full group version of "Use Somebody" last week was so good I almost peed.  Who's with me?  I can't stop talking about it.

5.  Tonight we went to see Straight No Chaser in concert.  If you ever get the chance to see them, do it.  They are so talented and really funny and entertaining.  Plus guys who can sing are hot.  Oh also if you have the chance, start drinking vodka at 3:30pm and then continue to drink vodka and wine until the concert starts.  Because that's what I did, and now I have same day hangover (SDH).  SDH doesn't feel good, but that's somewhat offsetted by the fact that, deep inside, I know it's really funny.

6.