Tuesday, January 02, 2007

What do you got for me, 2007?

I hope everyone had a great New Year's. As a rule, New Year's always sucks until you are married and/or have kids. Being married and/or having kids takes the pressure off. However, if you are surrounded by people you love and drinking champagne like I was, it can't be all that bad. We started off the night with Steph making us eat this:

I'm not really sure what it's called, but it's basically bread that's in the shape of a pretzel, and you're supposed to eat it on New Year's Eve for luck in the new year. Seems easy enough, right? One thing you can't tell from this picture, though, is that it tastes like complete shit. Seriously it's the worst bread ever. The second time I ever hung out with Steph was when Danielle brought her to a New Year's party, and she brought this bread and made us eat it. Within about 10 minutes Renee was throwing it at her head from across the room. It is so gross. This time at least she provided butter so I smothered my piece in butter which made it taste like butter covered ass. If I get a lot of hits from people searching on "butter covered ass", I'm going to be really disappointed in humanity as a whole.

After the ass bread I drank a bottle of wine in 45 minutes. It's not New Year's Eve if I'm not drunk before 8pm. Then we went to dinner at a very fancy restaurant. It didn't even feel like we were in Cleveland. Dinner was surprisingly fast, and by that I mean ridiculously slow and drawn out. We were there for 3 hours, but I really didn't mind because I was having so much fun. This year was kind of screwed up for several reasons, the biggest of which was that every single person on the entire planet Earth was sick so things didn't get as crazy as they usually do (see: me wearing a sombrero making out with a mannequin head last year). But I had a great time, and I love my friends, and that's really all you can ask for. Also we put pennies in our shoes at midnight because it brings prosperity in the new year. And we sat down and stood up 12 times at midnight because that means you're going to fall in love and get married or something. It also means you're totally out of shape because after 8 times you are really tired and are thinking, "Okay if I stop now, does that mean I'll just get laid because I'm okay with that." Sorry, Dad.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great holiday, and I wish all of you a wonderful 2007. Things we can probably look forward to in 2007:

- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce
- More of Britney's vag
- Another Paris Hilton sex tape
- George W. Bush jokes
- Me having some kind of weird sickness/ailment
- Lost, Grey's Anatomy and The Office posts
- My marriage to Michael Buble (long story that evolved at dinner but rest assured, it's happening)


Anonymous said...

I want to point out, that I had one cocktail before dinner since I was the driver and responsible...but when I got back home immediately after dinner and started cleaning the kitchen I had 4 empty champagne bottles! How do five little ladies finish off four bottles of champagne in under an hour when I wasn't helping?!!

And you will have much luck in 2007 since you ate the nasty bread. You watch and see, odds are good you will win the lottery and the heart of michael buble thanks to the bread and when that happens, I will smuggly smile on knowing my bread made it possible. -Steph

Anonymous said...


The new years pretzel bread recipe and proof that it brings good luck...apparently it was originally served by German families...now it is the served exclusively by the city of Sandusky since I couldn't find one anywhere in Cleveland and had to have my father drive one up to me to appease my superstitions Saturday night. -Steph

Gordon said...

Of all the people to be using a catholic website to push her point home....hmmmmmm

That Chick Over There said...

The thought of bad bread makes me very, very sad.

Your blog, however, makes me laugh really hard.

So thanks for that.

danielle said...

you'll never guess what i just saw at giant eagle in the bakery... i'll cross my fingers in hopes that 2007 brings you to mr. boobie.

CruiserMel said...

Aha, I see what I've been doing wrong lo, these New Years Eves. I wasn't eating buttery ass. Dammit.

Please oh please - can't we just see Paris Hilton spontaneously combust?

Happy 2007, btw.

Adam said...

Miss Sarah,

Are you marrying that dude because his name can be shortened to 'Boobie'? Is this all a rouse to make your full name 'Sarah Hor Boobie'?

happy new year dude!

Aaron said...

We can ALWAYS use more of Brit-Brit's va-jay-jay. -ALoyd

Johnny Virgil said...

I've had more than my fill, thanks.

KP said...

Lucky ass bread. With butter. Exercise. Pennies. Got it. Umm...Mel...I think I heard a story about you, buttery ass, and some foreign guy on a cruise ship...