Thursday, January 04, 2007

John and I give 100% at work

Re: Jesus...

Shop Dungs: he seemed like a cool cat
Shop: I would have hung out with him
Shop: I would have signed his yearbook
Me: totally
Me: Stay sweet, Jesus
Shop: Hey Jesus, we had some fun times in Miss G's home ec class. That one day when you kept turning my water into wine, I love you for that. Stay Cool - SD '90 Rulz
Shop: I bet it would be annoying though if he was your friend
Shop: kinda like how Mike wouldn't tell me what was on the pre entrance exams at college because it wouldn't be fair to the other incoming students
Shop: I would be like "c'mon man just tell me the lottery numbers one time Jesus"
Me: omg yeah
Me: and like you totally couldn't have a party at his house b/c even if his dad was away for the weekend he would always know

Shop: God only knows what went on here this weekend
Shop: then Jesus is like "ah Christ, I knew he'd find out"
Me: "ah, Me, I knew he'd find out"
Shop: do you think it's ok for Jesus to take his own name in vain
Me: sure
Shop: me too
Me: it's like how black people can use the N-word I think
Shop: yeah
Shop: totally
Me: same principle
Shop: man I know Jesus would love me
Shop: me and keith went to the Cleveland State basketball game last week and we got nachos to share and obviously ran out of nacho cheese with like half the chips left
Shop: and I go "I wonder what they'd say if I took them back to the concession stand and said 'I ran out of cheese, need a few more pumps for these last few chips'
Shop: Keith was like 'try it'
Shop: so I got up and went
Shop: they filled my cheese hole for 25 cents
Me: that sounds dirty
Shop: best 25 cents I ever spent
Me: agreed
Me: nachos are useless without the cheese

Shop: Keith thought it was the greatest thing that's ever happened
Shop: he's like "I can't believe you actually went up there"
Shop: that's how me and Jesus would be too
Me: if you were with Jesus you would've said, "we need more cheese" and he'd say, "i got you, bro" and then make cheese out of thin air
Shop: hmm
Shop: what if I was like "no no man, I got this round, I'll go ask the cheese pumper lady"
Me: that would work, too
Me: cuz if she gave you a hard time you could say, 'listen these are for Jesus. do you really want to say no to Jesus?"
Shop: I thought about going back again
Shop: and getting it filled with one chip left
Shop: then seeing how much they'd charge for more chips
Me: awesome
Me: if it was 25 cents that would mean you found the greatest concession stand loophole ever

Shop: that's exactly what I said to Keith
Shop: verbatim
Me: we are the same person
Me: by the way this conversation is going to be my blog post tonight

Shop: awesome


Johnny Virgil said...

Shop: what if I was like "no no man, I got this round, I'll go ask the cheese pumper lady."

I love that. Like Jesus can just slack off on his rounds because he just creates them out of thin air -- but yet all his friends are cool with that.

russ said...

Are you saying Keith is Jesus?

John said...

in general yes I am saying Keith is Jesus.

CruiserMel said...

You two are completely wasting your brains at work. You should be a comedy duo. Like Martin & Lewis, or maybe Sonny & Cher?

Moeshkie Weighs In said...

That conversation is effin hilarious.

Do you think Jesus would have had a mullet in the 80's? That would have been sweet.

Hugh Janus said...

So what? Now I can't take Keith's name in vain either? Well tough noogies. Keithus Christ!

Carly said...

I was going to sametime you at work today to ask when the next new Grey's is


I didn't want to interrupt you


Anonymous said...

You are both overpaid. And seriously awesome. -Steph

Aaron said...

who is Michael Bubble?


KP said...

Truly comic genious. That's the kind of deep conversations you get into when you've been drinking heavily though. Was this a liquid lunch perhaps??

Keithus Christ - that comment made me spew water all over my keyboard. Nicely played.

John said...

I like how you just cut an pasted into your blog. No edits, no background info, just paste. That's good stuff.

danielle said...

this chat convo right here is why i do business with the company you work for.

Johnny Virgil said...

I can guarantee this convo will be around for a least 7 years.