Arts and Crafts: Part 4

The girls are moving out of the apartment within the next couple of months so this is the last time we are going to decorate the holiday tree. After that the tree will be going to the great big fake tree forest in the sky. I know it's sad. Don't worry-I'm sure we'll find some other dumb way to celebrate the holidays. Since this was the last holiday tree, the decision was made that we would decorate for every remaining holiday of the year. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find decorations for holidays that are 6-8 months away? Very. So we improvised. And after seeing the final product I can say with much certainty that we are ridiculous people. Here it is:

























It doesn't look like much, but let's zoom in and take a closer look. First the tree topper:













This was Steph's idea for Cinco de Mayo. She said she went to Arizona, and all the Mexicans she saw there were wearing them. "All the Mexicans wore them!" she kept screaming.

Here's Steph's idea for Mother's Day and Father's Day:

























For the 4th of July we bought some cute garland to put on the tree. Unfortunately the only person who had the energy to put it up was Christy, and her energy was limited at that because she just kind of gave up in the middle:


















On our tree, Put in Bay counts as a holiday:













The party hat is for Kim's 30th in June. Her name's on it, you just can't see it. I made sure not to remind anyone that I, too, am turning 30 this year. No need to put that on the tree. Apparently that blue thing with the moon on it is for the Summer Solstice. Who the hell celebrates Summer Solstice. Dammit Sharda.

I provided the Thanksgiving decorations. First a hand turkey:
















It's kind of a pathetic hand turkey because my hands are freakishly small. Also I took a lot of shit for not knowing how to make the wattle thing under its neck. Like all of a sudden all my friends are experts on turkey wattles. I also provided this gem:



















That's a plastic corn on the cob that I bought at a craft store. And I'm fairly sure it's surrounded by pubic hair.

I put these doll heads all over the the tree for Halloween. This one's laying on the RIP ornament I made. I cannot tell you how creepy they are. I'm so glad I don't have to live in the apartment with those things staring out at me from the tree. I hid one in each of the girls' rooms, too:






















I gave this one the Annie Lennox treatment:









Here's Yanni-the most important part of any holiday tree:

















This is what my little sister made for Labor Day:





















Ga-gew. I thought nothing could be grosser on our tree, but then Sharda made this:














She claims it's a Christmas ornament, but I think we all know that that's totally a va-jay-jay. Sharda, you are a sick perv. To remedy this desecration of the holiday tree, we added this:














My sister made this. I think it has elephantitis of the balls. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that my friends are pervs. Look at what they recorded on their Tivo:














Yeah that's porn. According to Steph that Tivo icon means Tivo recorded it on its own. Okay, Steph, if that's what you want us to believe. All I'm saying is, Tivo takes its direction from other things you are recording. Porn-lover. I wonder how many hits I'll get from people searching on the word "porn-lover".

So that's it-the final tree. I should tell you that all the decorations from the past trees are just laying all over the floor around the tree. We didn't even bother to throw them away. We just tore them down and threw them all over the ground. I'm going to be very sad when we have to take this down. Mostly because where will we hang the paper penises my sister keeps making? I mean seriously it's like, 'Okay, Diane, you can stop making them now.'