Entertainment break

Music I can't stop listening to:

• "Again and Again" - Jewel: I'm so happy Jewel is back to her regular self after that "0304" debacle. Welcome back, Jewel! We missed you.

• The Format: I never stop listening to The Format

• "Move Along" - All American Rejects: The closest I come to headbanging since my "Big Bang Baby"/Stone Temple Pilots headbanging injury many years ago.

• "Shake That Ass" - Eminem & Nate Dogg: Obviously

• "SOS" - Rihanna: I cannot get enough of this song. I have no idea why. It's not a song I would normally take an immediate liking to but let me tell you-Sarah likey.

• The Wreckers: Michelle Branch singing country music? Yes please.

• Everything by Ne-Yo: Seriously, you guys. "Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose when you make your angry face that makes me wanna just take off all your clothes and sex you all over the place." That's lyric gold.

• "Hands Open" - Snow Patrol: New favorite song.

• "What's Left of Me" - Nick Lachey: Hey, Nick, why don't you bring what's left of you over my house for a sleepover?

• And my guilty pleasure...Aly & AJ: Disney star and her sister make bubblegum pop music. It's catchy as hell, and it's like double the Hilary Duff dosage which is a-okay with me.

- Michael McDonald won American Idol which is a little unfair, in my opinion, seeing as he has already had a successful 20+ year career but whatever. I'm not one of the judges. Maybe they just really loved his spirit.

- Jared Leto told an interviewer that he was gay. While I'm a little surprised at his admission, this only further confirms my suspicions that Cameron Diaz is, in fact, a man.

- The end of the world is nigh.

- Brad and Angelina (I refuse to call them Brangelina) had their baby-a little girl named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. While they are being very protective of their new family addition, Okay Seriously has managed to obtain the very first photograph of the tyke:

I am a giant slot

So I just realized that I haven't mentioned that in three days, we are going to Vegas. I think I haven't mentioned it because we planned the trip so fast that it really hasn't sunk in that we are going yet. Until now. In fact I think it would be safe to say that I am officially freaking out. My freaking out is twofold, however.

1. It's effing Vegas, people! The happiest place on Earth. For alcoholics with gambling problems (i.e., my friends and I). There are 7 girls going which guarantees craziness and tomfoolery. Our beloved Steph isn't going, though, so no Steph in Vegas stories. Believe me I am just as disappointed as you.

2. Check out the weather for the days that we are there:


















Um...excuse me? I don't do well when the thermometer goes above 80 degrees, let alone 100. ONE HUNDRED DEGREES. This is not good. And don't even give me the "it's a dry heat" line because all that means is that it feels like you are inside an oven, and I would wager a guess (since we're talking about gambling anyway) that you "it's a dry heat" people don't spend time inside your oven at home just for fun.

Despite my concerns about the heat, I am ridiculously excited. Last time I went, I gave you guys some tips for the Vegas beginner. Well I left a couple out.

- They still bring you free drinks when you play nickel slots. Keep that in mind, my budget-conscious friend.

- I know it's tempting to carry a fanny-pack, but resist the urge.

- Get out of my face with your stroller. Why did you bring your baby to Vegas? So they could get cancer from secondhand smoke? Seriously there's no reason for your baby to be in Vegas. He/she is really cute and I like to make ga-ga faces at him/her, but take him/her to Disneyland or someplace not filled with every sin in the Bible.

- Sharda once puked at 9pm and couldn't go out. That's not really a tip as much as it is a chance for me to tell the Internet that Sharda once got so drunk during the day and at dinner that she started puking at 9pm and couldn't go out with us. Awesome.

- This is a man:





















This is a woman:





















So...who wants to go with us?

Lost finale = holy cripes

Oh, Lost. How I love thee so. Some people say this show is frustrating and hard to watch *cough*Russ*cough*. However, I believe if you spend less time trying to theorize what's happening and more time just enjoying the ride, you will see the show for what it is: a feast for the imagination. Yes, it gives answers and then raises more questions. Yes, it's cryptic. Yes, it can be frustrating. But that is what I absolutely love about it. It's a thinking man's show. And it has a lot of hot men. Wait. That was not where I was going with this. But you know what? It's where I ended up so that's okay.

The finale, I thought, was terrific. One of the best episodes of the season. Don't read this if you haven't seen it.

I only have one bone to pick with the writers for the entire finale. At the beginning, Sayid, Sawyer and Jack all swim out to the boat which is fantastic. Sayid and Sawyer take their shirts off. Jack leaves his on. What gives, Lost writers? Don't you have any love for Sarah? All you had to write was, "Jack takes his shirt off, too." Come on!!

The boat. I knew it was Desmond. I hardly ever predict anything on this show, but I knew it was him.

What is the deal with Libby? I must know who she is and how she's related to all of this.

Michael is horrible and awful. I was never his biggest fan and especially not now so why doesn't he just take his freaky little kid and get the hell away from us (yes I'm including myself as one of the castaways).

I'm so happy they are bringing back the Claire-Charlie romance. I mean, it will end when she finds out he set the forest on fire, but at least they're together now.

Desmond brought down the plane!!! Maybe I am the only person in the world who didn't see that coming, but that's fine with me. I thought that was so interesting. Oh and I can't deal with the guy who was there before him (Kelvin) being the same guy that interrogated Sayid in the war (or at least he's related to that guy). What is going on??

Whoa-what about Henry Gale not just being an Other but being THE Other!? I didn't see that coming. Here's what I do see when I look at Henry:










Dude's creepy. That's all I'm saying. I like when Michael's like, "Who are you?" And Henry says, "We're the good guys." Oh okay. That was convincing. I believe you, Henry. Just like I believe this*:










I cannot believe Sawyer, Kate and Jack got kidnapped! I'm totally freaking out. What are they going to do to them? Did you see the looks Jack and Kate gave each other before they put the bags on their head at the end? And did you see Sawyer notice the looks and actually seem hurt? Dammit. I love this love triangle. Obviously it must be Kate and Jack. There is no other way. However, I do love me some Sawyer, and I EXTRA LOVE the dynamic between him and Jack lately.

I can't wait for Sayid to figure out where the three of them are and save the day. He is so badass.

I am making this statement right now: If Eko and John are dead, I will...well I'm not going to stop watching the show. But I will write a nasty email. You can count on that. Eko makes me swoon, and John is really the heart of the show. I don't want Desmond to be dead either. In fact, I think he's terrific. Anyone else think he should become a regular on the show?

Desmond's lady is going to find them!!! Do you think it's because of who her father is or because she is looking for Desmond? The romantic in me wants to believe it's because of Desmond. She made a point to say that she has money and resources and could find anyone. Plus-she's always looking for him. She always was, and I'm hoping, she always will. Love this twist.

And the winner for Understatement of the Year goes to.....John Locke! For his meager "I was wrong" admission while the world literally crumbled around him because he didn't want to press the button.

Finally, perhaps the best part of Wednesday's finale was when Johnny Virgil thought the finale was from 8-10 so he watched the 1 hour recap and the first hour of the finale, and then got all pissed because he thought it was false advertising to say it's a 2 hour finale when 1 hour of it was a recap. He even wrote a post about it. Ahahahahahaha. Sorry, JV. The second hour was the best, though, so you should try to get a copy of it from someone.

I'm sure I've missed tons of stuff so feel free to shoot me a comment about it, and we can freak out there.

*If it hasn't become painfully obvious at this point in the blog, I can only use MS Paint to do anything.

I am still alive

Barely.

I am really sick...again. I haven't had the energy to post, however, there are things we need to dicuss. And by "things" I mean "Lost". As soon as I stop feeling like I'm going to puke all over my keyboard, we'll get right down to it.

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention in my Steph Gone Wild post that approximately 5 milliseconds after Drunk Guy stuck his tongue down her throat-before he had even walked away-she turned to me and said, "I'll give you a thousand bucks to put that on your blog." I was like, "Believe me, sweetie, you do not have to pay me to put that out there. I'm already forming a post in my head." I also want to say that I hope Steph's Aunt Nancy enjoyed that story. That one was for you, Nancy.

Things I learned on Friday

1. Diane and I are not good wingmen.
Steph was trying to talk to this guy, G, who she already knew and made out with several years ago. Diane went over to sit with her since G had a friend with him. I walked over several minutes later, and Diane and Steph were singing "All At Once" by Whitney Houston. 'What a couple of losers,' I thought and then immediately joined in. Then Steph got up and left. So we waited a couple minutes. And nothing. She just left us with two people we didn't know. It was incredibly awkward. The guys were just smoking, and Diane was just sipping her drink through a straw as if her life depended on it. So it was up to me. Not able to take the silence anymore (silence makes me nervous), I actually heard myself say the words, "So what do you do for fun?". So what do you do for fun!? What? Almost immediately I stammered, "No I mean do you play sports or anything?" And while they answered graciously, I knew things could only go downhill from there.

And I was right.

A few minutes after the what-do-you-do-for-fun debacle it got quiet again. Then incredulously Diane said, "So...do you guys like Peter Cetera?" I am not even kidding. It was amazing. They thought she asked if they liked Pantera so we got a few more minutes conversation out of that. At that point nobody was even trying anymore. I asked if they liked Celine Dion and pointed to G's friend and said, "I know this guy does. He listens to the tape when he's in his car alone." Basically what I'm saying is, don't let us be wingmen. We don't know what we're doing.

2. Steph is a hot little piece.
Including G, guys were basically lined up to talk to her. At one point we were joking about implementing a number system. It was ridiculous. At the last bar we went to we were sitting there talking when a guy walked into the bar and made a bee-line for Steph. At first we thought he knew her because he really just went right for her. He walked up to her, grabbed her hand, mumbled something in Drunk Guy and then kissed her. Then he said, "I'm going to go get a drink. I'll be right back." (I speak Drunk Guy). But Diane, doing a complete 180 from her Cetera/wingman routine earlier, grabbed him and said, "Give her a goodbye kiss!" Then she literally shoved his head toward Steph's. So naturally Drunk Guy stuck his tongue down Steph's throat. It was fantastic. I almost fell off my chair I was laughing so hard...and because I had A LOT of daiquiris that night. Gordo looked pissed, but he was just jealous because he is Steph's girlfriend. Whoops-I meant boyfriend, Gordo. Just cuz you hang out with the girls all the time does not make you a girl (yes it does).

3. We were really drunk. Okay we were really drunk. Steph was ridiculously drunk.
Besides making out with a stranger, Steph had a busy night. At one bar she was kicking boys as they walked by to get them to stop. At another she was pinching every guy's butt. One of her victim's girlfriends saw her do it, and Steph screamed, "I got caught!" and ran away. Then we made a group of boys shake their butts for us. I say "we" because I'm trying to take some of the heat off Steph but really it was all her. One poor guy had to do it 3 times, and on the 3rd time he shook his ass right into his drink and spilled it all over the place. I felt really bad so I bought him a new one. As I said, "It was a butt-shaking gone awry, and we are semi-responsible for that." After Drunk Guy did his tonsil exam on Steph, we left to go home. We were 2 blocks from Diane and Steph's place so naturally we took a cab. While Gordo ran to get it, Steph was kicking people as they walked by and saying, "Hey! I just made out with a stranger in there!!" When we got in the cab, the driver said, "Okay do I just take this road to Clifton?" and Steph replied, "I made out with a stranger in the bar, sir. He put his tongue in my mouth." With those directions we made it home safely, and spent $3 on the cab. Then we ordered pizza because as Steph said, "It's either puke or pizza, ladies, and I just stuck my finger down my throat and couldn't puke so let's do this."

4. Steph is amazing.
Please see above.

I will end with this:

This town is my town

Dear Cavs,
You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were never supposed to make it to game 7. Everyone said you would get completely swept. But you exceeded everyone's expectations because you are AWESOME!!! Being a fan of Cleveland sports isn't always easy, but it is easy supporting a team full of such likeable underdogs. Guys who just want to play basketball and are out there enjoying themselves even when the chips are down. Thanks for a great season and for making the past few weeks so exciting. I believe!!!

Dear LeBron,
I'm sorry the rest of the team didn't really show up yesterday, but it's a testament to your enormous talent that you were able to single-handedly keep it as close as it was for as long as it was. You are good and talented and unselfish and even-keeled and classy and really, really hot. Please don't leave us. Oh and if you need consoling after yesterday's loss, CALL ME.

Dear refs from yesterday's game,
I hope you are able to sleep at night after stealing the game from the Cavs and stripping yourself of your integrity. Cheaters.

Dear TV network that showed the Cavs game,
Was it completely necessary before the game to play a montage of all the completely heartbreaking moments in Cleveland sports history? Oh and was it even more necessary to replay it during the game when it became apparent we were going to lose? Way to kick us when we're down. Like I really needed to see Byner's fumble again. Assholes.

Dear Miami Heat,
Kick some Piston ass. And please do something bad to Rasheed Wallace. Love, your new fan

I received this email from Sudha after the Cavs won last Wednesday:

Michael Stanley just sent me the below e-mail:

"Tonight we're gonna take no prisoners, this time we're gonna live our dream.
Tonight the orange and blue delivers. Hard working town, hard working team...
Whoa, tonight we're gonna take it.
And the Cavs are gonna make it.
Get behind the orange and blue--with all your mi-ight!
CAVS! Cavs basketball, tonight's the night.
Whoaa Whoaaa...c'mon Cavs!!!!!"

I am a f*cking witness!!!!

Amen, Sudha. Amen.

P.S. For those who don't know, that is the Cavs song that Michael Stanley wrote back in the 80's. How Sudha remembers it, I have no idea. But it's awesome.

Rasheed Wallace, why don't you go EAC

Cavs: I know I said I didn't want to talk about them because I'm afraid of jinxing them. However, I just want to say that last night's game was so amazing, I think I'm still on an adrenaline high. I bought a new Cavs t-shirt yesterday and wore it to the bar to watch the game, and I really think that is why we won. So you can bet your ass I'll be wearing it Friday.

Lost: This is getting extremely interesting. Why is Sayid so freaking awesome. And how come I love Sawyer and Jack as semi-friends so unbelievably much. Two hour season finale next week. TWO HOURS!! I'm not sure I can handle it.

So my boss' boss just called me and said, "Do you know what today is?" I had no idea what she was talking about. Then she said, "It's your 8 year anniversary with the company." EIGHT YEARS. Granted they count from when I was an intern but still. Eight years, people! I've never heard anything more depressing. 1 - I didn't think I'd be here this long and 2 - how effing old am I?

She told me to go eat a piece of cake with a candle in it to celebrate. I'm pretty sure by "piece of cake" she meant "cranberry and vodka". Since she's my superior I have no choice but to oblige.

Feeling so old reminded me of something Steph told us about a month ago. She heard on Dr. Phil that when you hit age 32 your tissue starts dying faster than it regenerates. So basically you age faster. So basically in 2 and a half years, I will start aging more rapidly. So basically I will be having 2 cranberry and vodkas at lunch today.

Watch out, Diane

Some business to take care of: To my anonymous CAVS commenter-I am not ignoring the CAVS beating Detroit last night. I just don't want to talk too much about the CAVS being amazing because I'm afraid of jinxing them. Believe me-we will come back to this.

This weekend we went to Columbus for a variety of reasons, one of which was to support our friend Kim's fundraiser for Relay For Life. It was held at a bar, and after the official fundraising part of it, we were way too drunk to leave-and having too much fun. So we ended up staying all night and watching this band. Ho. Ly. Crap. I have one word: AWESOME. Being a huge fan of all things cheesy and all things hair band, I was in heaven. Son of Glam, you are amazing!

That night we stayed at Kim's house. Diane and Drew in one guest bedroom, me in another. In the middle of the night I was awakened from a dead sleep by someone shaking my foot and squeezing my toes. Then that someone started to crawl into bed with me.

For some reason (probably all the vodka) at first I didn't think anything of it. It seemed normal. Then I heard, "Baby, move over." It was a male voice. One I recognized. It was my sister's boyfriend, Drew.

"Oh hi, Drew, do you need a pillow?" I said. Then I threw one at him.

"No! Move over!"

"Drew? You know this is Sarah, right?"

"What?? Move over."

"Drew, this is Sarah. You're in the wrong room."

"Is this really Sarah?"

"Yes."

"Where's my room?"

"Over there," I said pointing to the wall next to me at which point Drew got up and walked right into the wall. Then I spent the next 5 minutes playing "Hot and Cold" with him to try and lead him out of my room and into his. This included one brief moment of elation for Drew when he thought he had found the door only really he had walked into the closet.

That is the closest I've ever come to sleeping with one of my sister's boyfriends. We raised the question what if I hadn't woken up and Drew had crawled into bed right next to me? As Kim said, "That would've been an awkward morning."

P.S. When Drew found out the name of the band was Son of Glam, he started telling people he was the cousin of glam. Dammit Drew.

P.P.S. Best line of tonight's "Scrubs" episode. I literally almost wet my pants. Carla is trying to convince Elliot not to dump her boyfriend because she thinks Elliot is doing the natural "freak-out" that sometimes comes in the early stages of a relationship.

Carla: Remember when I first started dating Turk, and I wanted to bail on him because he cried at the end of sex?

Turk (horrified): BABY!

JD: Relax, Brown Bear. There's no shame in crymaxing.

Sorry-another post about Grey's but the season's over so non-Grey's fans won't have to worry about these for a while

Disclaimer: Don't read if you haven't watched the season finale

So Denny's dead. I called it. As soon as Izzie said yes to his (ridiculous) proposal, I said, "He's going to die." Thank God. I'm sorry, Denny, you seemed really nice and everything, but that storyline was out of control. All of the other interns risk their entire medical careers for her? No. Asinine. That's the only word for it. Bailey was effing fantastic as usual. FANTASTIC. She is hands down my favorite character on the whole show. Her planning the prom might have been the greatest thing ever, and she seemed to be the only one reacting how a normal human being would react to what Izzie did. I'm really pissed that Izzie quit and didn't get fired like she should have been.

Everything else about the episode was terrific. The scenes with Burke and Shepherd were honestly amazing and touching and wonderful. I love how McDreamy was like, "I can't get perspective" when thinking about the gravity of the situation. That is such a great way to put it. I have felt like that many times before. That's why I love these writers-they so eloquently describe the feelings we all feel.

Christina made me really mad the whole episode, and Diane and I were yelling, "Dump her ass!" But then she finally came through at the end, and it was great. When Burke said to her, "I need you to tell me what to do." I almost lost it. He never needs anyone to tell him what to do. Dammit-this show is still great despite the Izzie BS.

By the way, when Denny died, it was this really sad moment and you were supposed to feel really bad, but when Alex said all that wonderful stuff to Izzie and then he picked her up and held her, all Diane and I were saying was, "Holy shit-that is so hot. See-he still loves her! Maybe they'll get back together!" Denny's body wasn't even cold yet. That is how much I so didn't care.

Let's see...George is getting some and that's awesome, the chief's wife is great and her speech to him about putting family over patients was also great, Addison needs to not be a doormat anymore. Let him go, Addison. You should be with someone who appreciates you. I heard McSteamy is coming back as a series regular and that is A-okay with me!

Nothing else really happened...oh um except that DEREK AND MEREDITH DID IT!!! What?!? That was awesome! But I'm so torn. I love Finn. I can't wait to find out who she chooses. I'll leave it to her-I don't think I can choose.

Despite my annoyance with the Izzie/Denny stuff, I freaking love this show, and I am going to miss it so much over the summer!

Don't bother reading this if you don't watch Grey's

So...I'm irritated. Everything about last night's Grey's was so awesome...except for the main storyline with Izzie and Denny. As I watched, I was finding myself more and more annoyed because that story was absolutely ridiculous. I am aware that most of what happens on Grey's isn't exactly based in reality. I mean it is a television show which means there's dramatic license in everything they do, however, last night's story with Izzie and Denny was so absurd, it took me out of the show. And I am irritated.

1. Everyone knows my hatred of this story anyways because it's just so inappropriate. She should've been pulled off his case weeks ago. And if they wanted to be the least bit realistic, she would've been.
2. This girl who everyone knows is way too close to her patient goes into his room and shuts all the blinds for who knows how long and nobody goes in to check on her? What?
3. She's completely insane. She's lost her mind. She goes from a relatively rational human being to batshit crazy in 5 minutes time.
4. Suddenly she's in love with Denny. They show them flirting and hanging out with a little bit of chemistry and suddenly we're supposed to believe she loves him so much she would go off the deep end and risk her entire career for him? What?
5. George just stands there making no attempt to stop his friend from ruining her life. Let's get it moving, George!

I just hate this storyline. It's so gross. The rest of the show was great (Burke is shot!?!? Derek and Meredith!?!?). But it's time for Denny to go now. Sorry, Denny, but you are effing up my show.

P.S. I have mixed feelings about Callie. She's cute, and she loves George. But she lives in the hospital, and she went into the bathroom in her underwear and peed in front of people she didn't know. She's weird. I do feel bad for her because the female interns aren't nice to her-especially Izzie who used to be the sweetest girl on he show, and now she's a crazy bitch. Also she poors her heart out to George and tells him she loves him, and as soon as Izzie comes running he takes off. Not cool, George! I did like the moment where Callie helped Meredith out about the dog. That was sweet. Overall I think she's getting a raw deal. But seriously she is really weird.

So happy

Disclaimer: Don't read if you haven't seen last night's episode of "The Office".

Is the sun shining brighter today? Are the birds singing louder? Does the air smell sweeter? No-actually it's just that

JIM AND PAM KISSED LAST NIGHT!!!!

I know I should probably be worried that a fictional show makes me this happy, but I can't be worried about that right now because I am so happy. Everything he said to her-the whole way it happened-was so perfect. It was beautiful and lovely and romantic, and nothing ever happens like that in real life. Perfect!

I also can't get over how Michael never gets any love from the ladies, and now he has two chicks fighting over him. Fantastic. He was so awesome giving his speech with the glow sticks. And when he was talking about how he gives money to charities and said, "I'm a real big philanderer." God I love this show. Good thing I have all of season 2 on my DVR (seriously) to tide me over during the summer hiatus.

I'm a loser.

Pomp and circumstance

My sister graduated from grad school this past Saturday. She and her friend Jennifer both graduated at the same time so they both walked at the request of their mothers (who I think just wanted an excuse to go out to eat together). Drew and I also attended to show our support despite our extreme annoyance at doing so. Let me just say, I hate graduation ceremonies. The speaker is always boring. In this case, I'm pretty sure the speaker was up there giving a recruitment pitch for his company.

Then there's always an announcement that families of the graduates should be as quiet as possible when their graduate's name is announced so that the family of the next person whose name is called can hear it. I like to take that time to scan the room and point out all the families that I know will not politely and quietly clap when their graduate's name is announced (I'm at about 90% accuracy). And about 30 seconds later it begins. The screaming, the "Alright, Nancy!!!!!", Arsenio Hall Woo-Woo cheer-all completely appropriate. For a football game. Seriously people I know you're excited and that this is a big moment in your family member's life, but did you really need to bring a whistle (this really happened on Saturday)? Honestly.

So now Diane has her MBA, and I am so proud of her. Lord knows I am never going back to school so I'm glad my parents have one ambitious child. I toyed with the idea of going back to school for about 15 seconds one day, and then I remembered how much I loathed going to class in college. And writing papers. And group projects which every professor says will give you "real world" experience, but I have yet to encounter a project at work where I have to go to someone's house and sit around while that one bitchy girl tries to steer the project her way which is never the way the prof wants it, everyone's always pissed at the one guy who never shows up to any group meetings, that one girl talks about her boyfriend the whole time and then 2 hours later I leave after getting nothing done. Wait-now that part is like real life.

Things I would rather do than go to grad school (sorry, Mom and Dad):
- Chew on tinfoil
- Sleep next to a mascot
- Have Tom Cruise's love child
- Hang out with Russell Crowe
- Give up Salt & Vinegar Pringles
- Work. Which is why I do.

This list goes on, really. I was going to say something about swimming with sharks, but I would totally rather go to grad school than swim with sharks.

I heart LeBron James

- I remember on Friday night when we were at Meg's house for Cinco de Mego (seriously) I was thinking, "Oh my God I have so much to blog about." But thinking back to it now, here's all that I can remember:

• A pinata stuffed with small bottles of booze
• Me wearing the pinata head on my arm for almost the whole night and calling it my boyfriend
• A smoke alarm going off for like 20 minutes and nobody even attempting to leave the building
• A 23 year old telling Kim (who is 29) not to worry-that she's still "young at heart"
• Meg wearing a sombrero in the bar
• Diane and I falling asleep on a leather couch in the bar
• Someone we don't know calling us immature (not cool!)
• Cavs being awesome

- Grey's Anatomy: Holy cripes Chris O'Donnell is awesome. And McDreamy is completely McUnDreamy right now. I loooove Meredith saying, "You don't get to call me a whore." Awesome! Alex loves babies, but he won't admit it, and Izzie is SO INAPPROPRIATE! How does she get away with crawling into bed with a patient? Hello?? Man this relationship infuriates me. Also I cried like an effing baby last night. Thank God you are back, GA.

- It turns out I am the only human being on planet Earth that has not read "The DaVinci Code". Whenever I say, "Yeah I'll need to find a copy of it somewhere" everyone in a 50 foot radius is like, "Oh you can borrow mine." As usual I am behind the times, however, I feel I need to read it before I go see the movie. So that gives me 11 days to read 464 pages. I'm afraid in order for this to happen there will have to be times that I actually have to turn off the TV at night. It pains me to think of doing that, but it's what I have to do. I only hope he realizes that this isn't about him, and that I still love him.

- On Saturday night at 3:30am (2:30 Chicago time), I got this text message from Steph who was in Chicago for a bachelorette party:

"i sober once"

She's got double vision

This morning the whole way to work it felt like I had something in my eye. It was horrible, I could barely concentrate on driving let alone my road rage at all the morons on the road. Those of you with contacts probably can already guess what it was-a torn contact. If you don't have contacts and have never had to deal with having a torn contact in your eye, you are a lucky bastard, and I hate you. It is the worst. When I got here I took it out to inspect it, and I accidentally dropped it. Being virtually blind without my contacts, losing one means I can't see enough to be able to find it. Luckily my dad works in the same building as me so he's stopping at my house and bringing me new contacts. But until he gets here I am a completely useless human being. Yet somehow, someway I am able to push through this tragedy to blog about it. That is how much I care about you. And how much I don't want to work.

By the way this is what the femullet picture looks like to me:












This is the only time in my life I have actually wished I had an eye patch because having to see two of this picture is just too scary.

Not sure what to say

I find myself rendered completely speechless (almost) by last night's episode of "Lost". I honestly don't know what to say except that I will totally make out with you, Lost writers. Oh and HOLY SHIT!

P.S. To the person driving in front of me this morning: If you're going to put a racing stripe on a Ford Focus at least drive it like you mean it, you know, as if it is a real car.

Aunt Nancy rules

Sunday night I received a phone call. It was Steph. Immediately she was saying something like this:

Steph: Okay so I'm at my aunt's house, and I just want to preface what's about to happen by saying I'm sorry and by saying that I was really vulnerable.

At this point I was thinking-yeah she totally just slept with one of our friends, and I cannot wait to find out who it is.

Then her Aunt Nancy got on the phone and explained to me that they were selling someone's condo (not sure whose) and that they were getting rid of stuff. Nancy gave Steph a signed and framed picture of John F. Kennedy. At this point, Steph's entire system broke down. I'm not sure I can explain in words how much this picture actually means to her. But it set her up to being accepting of whatever Nancy was going to throw her way next.

With Steph's defenses down, Nancy, being totally effing awesome, somehow shoved a 6 foot fake tree into Steph's car without any protest from Steph. In case you don't know where I'm going with this, let me introduce you to our new holiday tree:
















Yes! The holiday tree lives on!!! Whether or not Steph lets us continue this tradition in her new apartment remains to be seen, but if she doesn't you all know who to blame for ruining the lives of millions of people around the globe.

Thank you, Aunt Nancy, for doing your part to save this important tradition. And for singlehandedly stuffing that tree into Steph's car:
















I received that picture on my cell phone. Also I received this on my cell phone from Drew:
















This is in no way related to the holiday tree, but I have an urge to decorate it with paper penises.

Good riddance, Neon

My sister's boyfriend Drew recently purchased a new car. This is exciting news sure, but exciting enough to blog about? Yes, and I'll tell you why. His old car, a Dodge Neon, was literally the worst car I have ever seen in person. I've never ridden around in something so white trash. Okay that's a lie-I've been on the water rides at Cedar Point. Some highlights:

- no air conditioner
- CD player that didn't work
- manual windows that you had to roll up and down approximately 75 times in order for them to stay up and not slide right back down into the door
- driver side window that eventually broke and just stopped going all the way up at all so he used a garbage bag and duct tape to fill in the hole
- no shocks
- the inside of the door was ripped off
- intermittently unable to open the driver side door
- side mirror hanging off (duct tape used to put it back on)
- missing hubcab
- in the winter, the windows would frost inside (!) so he actually had to scrape them inside
- a leak-oh not a normal car leak but a leak from his roof which caused his back seat to be a puddle. I can't be more literal about this-it was a puddle. No one could sit back there.
- dents everywhere including one from his ass when he ran into it while carrying Paul's dryer and one from when he kicked it out of frustration with several of the above mentioned items

I can actually say that I was lucky enough to be there when the driver's side window broke completely and when the driver's side door stopped opening. It was after football, and when he opened his door, the window fell down into it. Too far. So naturally he took off the lining of the inside of his door (since it was loose) and tried to push the window back into place from the bottom. It didn't work. Then after we went inside the bar for some much needed booze at 11am, we came back out, and his door would no longer open. He had to crawl in from the passenger side. Subsequently his door opened whenever it chose to, and the window never went all the way back into place thus the garbage bag and duct tape window was born.

Oh and the no shocks part? Picture Fred Flintstone driving only instead of driving with his feet he's driving with his ass, and you'll get an idea of what it was like to ride in Drew's car. I still have asphalt burn.

Congrats on your new car, Drew. You bought it just in time because I was seriously about ready to call Xzibit.