Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Good riddance, Neon

My sister's boyfriend Drew recently purchased a new car. This is exciting news sure, but exciting enough to blog about? Yes, and I'll tell you why. His old car, a Dodge Neon, was literally the worst car I have ever seen in person. I've never ridden around in something so white trash. Okay that's a lie-I've been on the water rides at Cedar Point. Some highlights:

- no air conditioner
- CD player that didn't work
- manual windows that you had to roll up and down approximately 75 times in order for them to stay up and not slide right back down into the door
- driver side window that eventually broke and just stopped going all the way up at all so he used a garbage bag and duct tape to fill in the hole
- no shocks
- the inside of the door was ripped off
- intermittently unable to open the driver side door
- side mirror hanging off (duct tape used to put it back on)
- missing hubcab
- in the winter, the windows would frost inside (!) so he actually had to scrape them inside
- a leak-oh not a normal car leak but a leak from his roof which caused his back seat to be a puddle. I can't be more literal about this-it was a puddle. No one could sit back there.
- dents everywhere including one from his ass when he ran into it while carrying Paul's dryer and one from when he kicked it out of frustration with several of the above mentioned items

I can actually say that I was lucky enough to be there when the driver's side window broke completely and when the driver's side door stopped opening. It was after football, and when he opened his door, the window fell down into it. Too far. So naturally he took off the lining of the inside of his door (since it was loose) and tried to push the window back into place from the bottom. It didn't work. Then after we went inside the bar for some much needed booze at 11am, we came back out, and his door would no longer open. He had to crawl in from the passenger side. Subsequently his door opened whenever it chose to, and the window never went all the way back into place thus the garbage bag and duct tape window was born.

Oh and the no shocks part? Picture Fred Flintstone driving only instead of driving with his feet he's driving with his ass, and you'll get an idea of what it was like to ride in Drew's car. I still have asphalt burn.

Congrats on your new car, Drew. You bought it just in time because I was seriously about ready to call Xzibit.

9 comments:

Oh, that girl. said...

As a reformed neon owner, I can say they are indeed pieces of shit. Never buy one. what is the new car?

Matt said...

Actually the one misconception here was that the leak was not from the ceiling. It did in fact come from the trunk / tail light as a result of a minor disagreement said tail light had with the dining room. Although the dining room may forever have a tail light embedded scar, I still think it won that little scirmish.

Azrael75 said...

Yeah, Neons (the early years) werren't made very well...

Sarah said...

I had to post this for Drew because he can't comment anymore:

well, apparently work has determined that I am not allowed to
reply to blogs.  I guess that is inappropriate use of my time. They are likely correct in that assumption, but it doesn't make me any happier!! Anyway...  I am still able to READ blogs, just reply to them (lame). 

SO, i am writing to say that your blog regarding my car was
HILARIOUS!!!  (i hate that car)  Thanks for making me famous and making fun of the Neon...it deserves it.  Some people ask me if I miss said Neon and I think, "yeah, I miss it a little bit, it treated me pretty well...until it ultimately crumbled to pieces around me."  stupid piece of crap.  I do feel some guilt because my poor sister is receiving the lovely Neon as a "hand me down" since her car completely doesn't run.  My dad is trying to fix all the little problems so eliquently described
on your blog..but in the end, he can never fix that car from being a
piece of crap Neon.

Les said...

Sounds like our old Neon, what a piece of shit! Good riddance to old Neons - definitely blog worthy!

russ said...

What a catch! Does he have his own beer hat?

midwestgrrl said...

I think we should start a Former Shitty Neon Owner club because I couldn't get rid of mine soon enough. It featured:

-Broken A/C
-Windows that frosted on the inside
-Busted and "repaired" head gasket
-Constant oil leak
-Constant radiator leak
-Shocks that took on water, which in the winter would freeze and render them useless, causing me to bounce as if I had hydraulics
-Frameless doors with horrifyingly rattly windows

True to form it was nice for the first three years and a total bitch goddess for the last three. Good riddance, nightmare!

Jay said...

Min Pin, your Neon troubles are over soon; the replacement for the awful awful Neon is the Calibur: http://www.dodge.com/en/caliber/index.html. It looks much like the ugly step child of a Durango and a Snaab. But at least its dry, functional, has a possible multi-cd player, and can haul more people to a football game than a neon. Actually, it might be cool for a game; the glove box has a fridge! Sarah / Drew, was this "game" in question the Browns? If so, as a loyal Steeler's fan, we might have to part ways.

Anonymous said...

Steeler reference aside...i think Jay maybe my soulmate...you guys, i followed his link, he speaks the truth...it has a GLOVE BOX FRIDGE!!! -Steph