Friday, October 20, 2006

Holiday Tree: Still kicking

I bet you were wondering if we forgot about the holiday tree. After all, it's been a while since we last decorated it. But how could we not decorate it with such a big holiday approaching? That's right-I'm obviously talking about Election Day. What did you think I was talking about? Oh right right-Halloween. The holiday that is 12 days away that almost everybody else on Earth is decorating for. At this point, let me remind you in whose home the holiday tree resides: Steph. Election Day is Steph's favorite day after the 4th of July. And we even got Danielle to come to this decorating party because she loves Election Day so much. Do you guys see what I am dealing with here? Sometimes it's really kind of tiring being "the cool friend".

We had another special guest this time around: Steph's Aunt Nancy. Let me tell you a few things about Aunt Nancy. 1 - She rules. 2 - She is the one who gave Steph the new holiday tree because she reads this blog and didn't want the tradition to die. 3 - She brought us 6 bottles of wine (please see #1). Steph's younger sister Erin also came. She is in college, and, ladies, you know how when you were in college you admired women who were older than you and who had great jobs and were mature and sophisticated adults? Well she probably does, too, but unfortunately that doesn't describe us so she was definitely judging us. And quite rightly. I mean let's be honest. Are we anything to look up to? Is this where she sees herself in 8-10 years? Decorating a tree with construction paper ornaments? I don't think so.

When we walked in, we immediately saw these things:

Steph had labeled some of our snacks after the Ohio candidates for Senator. Yeah-she really did. She doesn't want me to show this because she misspelled Sherrod Brown, but don't worry, Steph. No one will notice that. They'll be too busy wondering, like Diane did, why you didn't make actual brownies instead of pretending brownie donuts are a real thing.

Here's how the tree turned out:

Yes-that's a picture of JFK at the base of the tree.

This was the first ornament put on the tree. It was provided by Aunt Nancy, and she asked us permission if she could put the first ornament up there. Seeing as it was awesome, we naturally said yes.

Here we see our beautiful tree topper provided by Kim:

When Steph gets married she wants this to be her bouquet.

This is where Diane tried to make our holiday tree boring by putting her one and only true cause up on the tree:

But she made up for it when she made one of her famous penises. Some of the girls said that you shouldn't put penises on an Election Day tree. 1 - Are you saying they belonged on all the other trees? Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, the every holiday of the year tree? 2 - If there is one tree we ever decorate that should have penises on it, it's this one. The world of politics is full of dicks.

Aunt Nancy pissed Steph off on purpose by putting the Democratic Donkey on it. Since it's at Steph's house, as a result of the donkey being on there the penis has been shoved way into the middle of the tree so it's not very visible, and Diane's penis isn't getting as much attention as it should. Incidentally if Diane actually had a penis, it would probably get a lot of attention.

Since we really did have a room full of people with different political opinions and from different parties, Nancy then tried to show nonpartisanship by creating this:

These were my contributions:

My other contributions were:
1- drinking the wine Aunt Nancy brought (and I did an excellent, excellent job) and
2 - wearing a white t-shirt with a black bra.

Here Steph celebrates the meaning of democracy:

This seems reasonable:

This is funny whether you're a Democrat or a Republican.

I mean honestly how can you not laugh at that. And this is how we all really feel:

Stay tuned for next time when it'll probably be like December 20th, and we'll decorate the tree for Winter Solstice or something.

P.S. This is also sitting in Steph's house:

You may remember when Steph stole Shannon's bouquet at her wedding. Well, that's not it. That's a bouquet from a wedding she went to a couple weeks ago. That's right-Steph is now a serial bouquet stealer. Steph, you have started down a dark path. If you keep going this way, it will be too late to turn back. So I say keep going because it is really funny.


Carly said...

That donkey schlong is a beautiful thing. Seriously.

Beth said...

I too, live in Ohio, so I love the Brownies and the Mike Dewines!!! What a great idea!

I read you every day, and I love it!

Sarah said...

Thanks, Beth! Glad you enjoy my ridiculous life activities. :)

Carly, donkey schlong. Ahahaha.

tom said...

why didn't i think of this? ohio is seriously the next iowa. like for voting i mean, not for farming. hopefully people from iowa don't find that offensive.

Anonymous said...

wow...stealing flowers that someone paid a lot of money for to celebrate the most important day in their lives...noble.

Sarah said...

Anon, if a bridesmaid leaves them on a table and they're going to be thrown out anyway, what's the difference? By the way you seem pretty fun.

Marianne said...

In case you aren't getting enough to drink, I wanted to make sure you know about the glass pouring trick:

Bottom line - short and wide glasses = more alcohol.

And yeah, anon would so be a bridezilla. It's the most important day of your life only if you fall prey to what the corporations want you to believe.....

Anonymous said...

It's not about being a bridezilla...I just can't imagine stealing the bride's bouqet...I jsut think that is mean and immature to take something of someone who just invited you to their wdding...that's how it reads. Granted I don't knwo any of you and maybe these brides thought it was funny...I spent a lot of money on flowers at my wedding and would be upset if someone just stole that's all i am saying. wow. seems mean.

Anonymous said...

They were abandoned at the bridesmaid's table. I didn't actually steal a bride's again. And maybe, Anon is which case, one more time...I AM SOOOO SORRY!

I love election day! -Steph

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure Anon and I would be BFFs. -Steph

russ said...

George is totally gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anonymous apparently thinks you are an insensitive idiot... not that there's anything right about that.

Sarah said...

Traditionally I like to steal something of the bride's at every wedding I go to-like the veil or the ring for example.

Anon, in case you didn't catch the sacarcasm, we really aren't wedding stealers (except for gifts off the gift table-that's cool, right?). We are wedding drinkers but not stealers.

I invite anyone who thinks we are bad people to come and hang out with us in person before passing judgement on our personalities. Once you've met us then you can say we are bad people. I mean cuz we are.

Anon, let's be friends. I swear once you meet us you'll like us. Okay that might not be true, but we do decorate a tree all year long. That's charming, right? Right??

russ said...

Sarah, you don't need to be beggin' for love. You put up a lot of the dumb things you and your pals do in the dumbest possible light -- and it's hilarious. Why? Because we all do dumb stuff, and we trust you're not out there endangering or offending people.

If some anony-douche decides they can't trust you, they need to figure out how to work that mouse-clicky thing and surf their dumb butts away instead of admonishing people anonymously. Something that would never cause bad-thinking people to change teir behavior, just serves to make the poster feel sanctimonious and better about themselves.

Shame on you, anonymous, shame!

PS George! Duh? Or is this old news? Or were you saving it for a big post?

Anonymous said...

Sarah, I just want to thank you for letting me share last night with you. All of Steph's friends are amazing, but then I had no doubt that they would be. I can see why you all have so much fun together. Until someone knows you, they have no right to judge. You are all friggin awesome! I had such a great time.

Winter Soltice? Can't think of a decoration for that one. I am afraid that I will have to pick and choose which tree decorating parties I attend, but rest assured, I will ALWAYS provide the wine.

Aunt N

Adam said...

Dear Aunt Nancy, please refer to the below list of decorations to answer your question:


Hey, thanks everyone, I now know everything I need to about American politics. You kids really do have the funnest politics in the world. Steph, do you have young eligible men knocking down your door? Marrying you is going to be so inexpensive...

danielle said...

i would also like to remind everyone that aunt n also disclosed to us that she has the sex once a week whether she needs it or not. right on aunt n. amen sister.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Shouldn't it be a picture of JFK jr?

Anonymous said...

I just want to go on record by saying that while I often comment as "Anonymous" (only because I'm too lazy to fill-out an account form), I am most certainly not the Troll (I think this is the proper use of the cyber-term)who shamed Steph and Sarah into defending an act that needed no further explanation. And Steph and Sarah....why even try to appeal to her jovial side? Futile! Ick, she is horrible....that's how it reads. Wow. that's all I'm saying. wow. horrible. -----Lo

Diane said...

Sounds like Anonymous' wedding was super fun! What's sad about this whole thing is that she can't use her real name when insulting us. Get some balls (or I can make you a penis if you'd like!)

Aunt Nancy- thanks for the wine and dips. They were delicious!

Adam said...

Politics is all well and good, but what about the Grey's Anatomy Finale?

Violet said...

Hey hey hey! Anon, quit being mean to Sarah!

Sarah, you and Steph rock. Keep it up.