Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Abdullah sounds like Abdul!!

I was all ready to write something of value here (like usual), but as I sat down to write I heard Jay Leno say this “joke”:

“President George W. Bush met with Prince Abdullah today. Apparently he was confused. He thought he was meeting with Paula Abdul.”

This “joke” completely deflated me…took the wind out of my sails…left me feeling empty inside. But just when I thought I couldn’t feel lower, he brought out this one:

“A woman in Richland, Washington was so upset with her haircut, she held up the hair salon and shot out her hairdresser’s car windows. You think that’s unbelievable? Even more unbelievable than that is that Donald Trump’s hairdresser has never been shot at.”

Get it, you guys? Donald Trump has funny hair. Ahahahaha! Jay Leno is nothing if not completely original.

Goddammit. I will seek out every single person who earnestly laughed at these “jokes”, and I will karate chop them in the head.

Both of these “jokes” completely drained my will to live…and blog. However, it is only fueled by pure anger that I am able to write this small, yet important letter:

Dear lady waiting for the elevator today,
I already pressed the fucking button. You can tell because it is lit up. That is usually your first clue. And no-elevators don’t have sensors that make it so the elevator right in front of you is the one that opens. That one opened because someone else was getting off of it on this floor. Seriously stop talking about how the elevators have sensors. It’s been going on 8 floors now, and your friend clearly wants you to shut the hell up—as do the 3 other people on this elevator. How did you even get a job here? You must not have mentioned your elevator sensor theory in your interview. You are lucky this is my floor. I was about to jump across the elevator and scream “Sensor THIS!” while I delivered a swift quick to your sternum. Anyway, don’t talk anymore.

Peace out,


Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Jay's material has seriously slipped. Recently he's been about as funny as an anal fissure.

slcup said...

Now, an anal fisher would be funny, no?

Carly said...

Will you come to Smallbany if I pay your way? I have a list of people I want you to talk to for me.

~jess~ said...

LOL... I don't even watch Jay Leno.

And I loved the letter. You kill me.

David said...

Your letters are some of the funniest things I have seen on blogs.

ORF said...

In the words of the comic book guy on the Simpsons:
"Best Dear Random Person Who Annoyed The Crap Out Of Me Letter EVER!"

ARM said...

and I will karate chop them in the head.
Awesome. Totally awesome

I totally look forward to your letters too!

Kara0303 said...

My favorite "elevator" lady is the one that rushes out from the back of the elevator when we get to lobby as if NONE of the rest of us are getting off there, too. I mean, where else would we all be going? Back up to the top floor on an elevator joyride?