Tuesday, April 05, 2005

8th grade English lesson

So last night I was rooting around in my attic. I don't remember what I was looking for, but what I found was a bag of old notes I had written or that had been written to me in junior high and high school. Is it weird and pathetic that I still have these? Yes. But is it also kind of cute and charming? No. Just weird and pathetic.

Anyway, after perusing my collection of literary greatness, I was able to create a guide for those wishing to emulate my 8th grade writing style in some of their business communications.

u = you
2 = to, too
4 = for
R = are
heart symbol = love
sooo = so
cuz = because (I still use this one)
wuz + up arrow = what's up
rulz = rules
sike = sike (some things never change)

Important words should be underlined 17 times. In the sentence "Jason is hot", the important word is 'hot'. Therefore it should be underlined (fig. 1A). You could also just do a squiggle pattern underneath the word (fig. 1B).

Another way to give importance to a word is to write it in all caps (fig. 1C).

And lastly all sentences of great importance should end in no less than 4 exclamation points. So putting all these elements together, the properly written sentence would look like this:

The signature
The signature portion of the letter should contain two things: a smiley face somewhere in your name and some sort of clever sign-off. Here is a list of examples you can use (examples appear in bold):

Translation: Best Friends Forever

Translation: Gotta go

Translation: Write back soon

I heart Jason
Translation: I love Jason, you love Dave

Translation: I envy you for you are a cutie.

Other tips:
  • Mention a boy you like every other sentence.
  • If possible, use a four colored pen and make every letter a different color.
  • Fold your note as creatively as possible. The point is to make it almost impossible for the other person to open.
  • Use your note as a platform to discuss the issues by making bold political statements such as writing "Peace" with a peace symbol next to it or "I HATE war!!!" (remember to underline "HATE")
  • Keep a countdown of important events coming up and remind the reader where you are in the countdown. For example, "Only 1 month and 20 days until Vanilla Ice!!"
I hope this proves to be helpful to you in your professional endeavors.


Abigurl said...

Oh the good old days...where life was so much simpler and yet so much more complicated all at the same time, hehe. Thanks for the guide.

Erik with a K said...

I totally heart u cuz URAQT!

G/G - Hugs,Erik

ARM said...

This is excellent! I actually found a box of my 8th grade notes when we were moving. It's not pathetic...some people can't throw things away.

Love the lesson!

"AG" said...

I am sad and pethetic, too. I saved the notes my best friend and I from 8th grade wrote to each other. Too bad I still don't have my denim notebook with all of the Zeppelin lyrics and boys names with hearts.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I was in the middle of writing yet another bland memo to the president of the company, but now you're awesome tips have given me a way to spice it up.

Waz up? R U ready 2 c the new intranet template? It's soooo HOT.
I heart the new version of the designer. It rulz, and will only cost $12,000 per license. Sike!

Sarah said...

Shamus, way to go! You totally have it down! I am so proud. All I'm saying is I smell a promotion!!

Oh, that girl. said...

What an excellent post! I still remember how to fold notes and have taught my son. He thinks its the coolest! How funny!

Amy said...

Diane still uses the 4-colored pen...

Sarah said...

Amy, oh I know. I was even thinking about that as I was writing this.

The Melan'jack said...

8th grade notes R the mintest, dood. We used to draw pictures of the boys we didn't like with their heads in toilets or directly in the path of a flying javelin. In Spanish class, we'd conjugate words like "crap" and use them in sentences. Estoy crapiendo en mis pantalones.

ORF said...

Most of my notebooks are covered with weird, rudimentary drawings of penises that were the attack of my lab partner in high school physics. I'd go to get water or a book, come back and turn the page to a gigantic drawing of a member covering the entire thing. Why couldn't it just have been a simple "L.Y.L.A.S.?"

You might appreciate this post by another Sarah. (Notice: She is totally awesome and if you haven't read her already, prepare to abandon your entire afternoon to her archives!!) http://queserasera.org/

slcup said...

U R soooo cool. In 8th grade, I was wildly pretentious in my "these are important issues so pay attention to them, damn the french homework" kind of way. Things like my undying crush on Lance Smith were earth-shatteringly important. Thanks for the trip down cheezee memory lane.

jess. said...

Oh god I totally remember doing that... Only it was in like, grade 11...

And I still have lots of my old notes too - they're so funny to read now.

Violet said...

Oh my gosh, I have those notes! Written in the same style! Hmm, I think I still write like that. : )

danielle said...

did you have a slam book? we totally got busted with that thing in home-ec every single tuesday.

Sarah said...

Ohreally, I have actually been to the other Sarah's site, and it is amazing! She is hilarious. I haven't gotten through all her archives yet, but I'm trying. I can't believe she is actually publicly reading from her diary. Awesome. No one would want to hear me read mine because it would be like, "Today I totally saw Mark, and he looked at me, and I totally almost had a heart attack!!!! P.S. Andrea and I are in a fight. I haven't talked 2 her in 2 DAYS!!!!!"

Mufflet, yeah some of the girls had slam books, too, but I think maybe the concept was lost on them because there was never anything mean in them. It was always like, "Best Hair", "Most Popular". I don't think I was ever in there for real(especially for Best Hair-yikes), but my one friend TJ used to put my name under everything good because he was in love with me. He wrote me a note asking me to "go with him" EVERY SINGLE DAY. Eventually I just got used to it, and it became so regular that it was kind of like saying "How are you?". Like Hey, Sarah, will you go with me? Oh Hey, TJ. I'm doing OK, but I am soooo nervous 4 my Algebra exam!!!!!

Golightly said...

UR 2 Cool 4 School, Sarah.

I love this post, took me back to the good old days, I used to sign my name in bubble letters and dot my "i"'s with bubble hearts. And It took 4 different colored markers to write a note.

Scotty 2 Hotty said...

I once spent a good 20 minutes taping up a note I sent to a girl I liked. Then on the inside (knowing I would do this in advance) I had written "Congrats, you finally got it open" she turned to me, dead serious and said "How did you know I would get it open". At which point I never talked to her again. Ah, 8th grade love.

- Scott

stewbie2 said...

I think that you'll also find "HOT" can be interchanged with "HAWWT." "Hawwt" is the new "HOT," baby. Tlk2UL8tr.

Rob said...

How do you keep something THAT long!