Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I will buy anything

The past few nights I have been suffering from insomnia. I'm not sure why. This happens to me every so often. It impacts me in several ways:
1. No focus or concentration at work (this is a barely noticeable difference from my normal "work self")
2. Puffy eyes which I know sounds kind of hot but is actually quite unattractive.
3. Build up of credit card debt due to those damn infomercials.

I think it's about time someone discussed infomercials. Like Jay Leno with Donald Trump's hair, I am brave enough to be the first person ever to make fun of them.

Seriously, not to get Seinfeld on you, but what is the deal with infomercials? Some crazy inventor guy comes up with something nobody needs, finds the cheesiest person within a 40 mile radius to be his sidekick then tapes himself and the Cheese using it and marveling at its stain-fighting powers or how fast it will make you rich or how to "Set it and forget it!"

But that is not even the problem. The problem is that I want to buy this stuff. All of it. Sunday night I spent a good half hour talking myself down from buying a steam cleaner.

It starts out innocent enough. "Oh my gosh look at this loser. Yeah I'm sure it's worth it to spend $100 on a steam cleaner when I can just buy Tilex for $4 at Target. Jesus-that doesn't even count as soap scum!"

Then slowly you feel the resistance melting away. "Wow-it really does seem to be cutting through all the grime in the tile. Comet doesn't do that." Then they hit you with the price, and you start resisting again until they change it from 4 payments of $29.99 to 3 payments of $29.99. THEY CUT ONE WHOLE PAYMENT!

Then the kicker: the free stuff. Not only will you get the Super Miraculous Dirt Busting Steam Cleaner Sent to Earth by the Lord Himself, but you will also get the free brush nozzle attachment, special cleaning fluid, video instructions and a special mini version for your car. At that point I'm on the Internet entering in my credit card information.

Thankfully on Sunday, disaster was averted...almost. I am still looking into some makeup that I saw on TV. It is way too expensive, but you get a free makeup bag. Listen-they had before and after pictures. I cannot resist those-I am only human. And armed with plastic.

6 comments:

"AG" said...

When I can't sleep I get into trouble on ebay. I've won some questionable stuff...

Violet said...

I bought that torso track thingy. Fantastic for keeping under the bed to hide the dust bunnies. Well worth the $90!

Kara0303 said...

I bought the 'Slim in Six' dvds. When I found out it was six weeks and not six minutes, it quickly became a nice shelf to store my dust collection.

Johnny Virgil said...

i think we should just use the steam cleaner on Jay Leno.

Scott said...

Next time you have insomnia, let me know. I have some junk, er, merchandise in my garage I can sell you.

Tigerlily said...

I bought the Eurosealer at 3am when I was in college. It also came with the bonus can opener that took the whole top off of the can. I still have that thing, the eurosealer sucked. I almost bought a giant collection of knives because it came with a Ninja Sword, that shit was bad ass