Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I'm in the money

The Mega Millions jackpot is up to $205 million. John, Danielle, Scott and I bought 20 tickets, and we are going to split the pot. TWENTY tickets, people. Obviously winning is inevitable. I was thinking that when we win, I will probably have a "Pretty Woman" moment and send B a picture of my newly liposuctioned body in a bikini lounging in my new Olympic-sized heated swimming pool surrounded by cash and Ben Affleck* and holding a strawberry daiquiri with a little drink umbrella in it. Then I will sign the picture: "Hope you're enjoying living with your parents! Love, Sarah".**

*For the right price, Ben Affleck will definitely pose for a picture with me. He's a little bit of a whore, but I still love him.

**Sorry to sound bitter and vindictive. It may have something to do with the fact that I am both bitter and vindictive.***

***One way to cure bitterness is to win one-fourth of $205 million I'm pretty sure. Are you listening, lottery people? You hold my emotional well-being in your hands. Get your act together and on Friday-show me the right balls.****

****Ha ha-I said "balls".*****

*****Is this getting annoying yet?

16 comments:

Erik with a K said...

************pretty much*************

~jess~ said...

LOL...

I want to win the lottery so I can send bitter and vindictive letters to my ex boyfriends.

stewbie2 said...

If you tell Ben that you saw "Gigli," he may pay YOU.

Diane said...

Can I have some $$ if you win?! Please! BTW- you are the best sister ever!

"AG" said...

Ohhhhh so the "B" you've been talking about all along is BEN AFFLECK. I totally missed out on that.*

*I like these.

Golightly said...

Perfect! I love the plan. I hope you guys win and don't forget your faithful readers when you do.

Gordon said...

D-that was the worst plea for cash...ever. Sarah, by the way, you are the best sister of one of Drew's g/f's ever!

John said...

my first order of business will be an indecent proposal to one of our faithful readers. Also if I win 25 Million, my offer to your sister of $10 for third base still stands.

Mordja said...

Instead of the picture, just pay someone to take a brick of $50,000 to "B" and have him slapped with that brick.

Am I the only one that thinks that would be incredibly satisfying to do to people I hate?

Charlotte said...

I won $1000 once on a scratch-off ticket.. not bragging or anything;) just thought I'd let you know that it is possible to win! Oh, and I won a trip to Universal Studios and a new car too. hehe. :)

danielle said...

i don't know, i think mordja's a genius. slapping b with a brick of cash money? that's brilliant.

Carly said...

I won $94 today* in our building's 50-50 raffle (to benefit the March of Dimes)

*I am soooooo going win megamillions with my teammates tomorrow....

Maggie said...

hey sarah..this is maggie, your aussie best friend? remember me? well, i havent read your blog for a few weeks (sowwy) and read it yesterday. You crack me up all the time :))) Well, I clicked on your link to your mega thingy (we call that 'powerball' here). I used the numbers from your last draw for our powerball last night and guess what!!!! I WON $200 WITH THEM! So thank you dear best friend and I owe you a drink :))) I will use them again next week cos the jackpot is now a cool $22 million! and ITS ALL MINE *wicked rich grin*

Sarah said...

Oh my God, Maggie, that is amazing! Congratulations! You too, Carly! I'm hoping your good luck will rub off on me for Friday night's drawing. Then I hope you win the $22 million next week, Maggie. Then I'll make fun of you because I won $27 million and you only won $22 million, but it'll all be in good fun, and we'll laugh and laugh as we each roll around in a giant pile of cash. Halfway across the world, yet so similar! :)

ARM said...

Good luck! Oh, and bitter and vindictive are a necessary part of being a girl. It's what we do.

Kara0303 said...

While you're stinking rich and still in your bitter and vindictive mood, how about helping some of us other ladies out with their ex's? Like could you send Katie Holmes to my ex's wedding this summer? Ha! That's the love of his life - I'd like to see him try to say "I do" to whatever girl doesn't measure up when Katie Holmes walks in...is that bitter and vindictive?