8th grade English lesson

So last night I was rooting around in my attic. I don't remember what I was looking for, but what I found was a bag of old notes I had written or that had been written to me in junior high and high school. Is it weird and pathetic that I still have these? Yes. But is it also kind of cute and charming? No. Just weird and pathetic.

Anyway, after perusing my collection of literary greatness, I was able to create a guide for those wishing to emulate my 8th grade writing style in some of their business communications.

Dictionary/Grammar/Spelling
u = you
2 = to, too
4 = for
R = are
heart symbol = love
sooo = so
cuz = because (I still use this one)
wuz + up arrow = what's up
rulz = rules
sike = sike (some things never change)

Important words should be underlined 17 times. In the sentence "Jason is hot", the important word is 'hot'. Therefore it should be underlined (fig. 1A). You could also just do a squiggle pattern underneath the word (fig. 1B).



Another way to give importance to a word is to write it in all caps (fig. 1C).



And lastly all sentences of great importance should end in no less than 4 exclamation points. So putting all these elements together, the properly written sentence would look like this:



The signature
The signature portion of the letter should contain two things: a smiley face somewhere in your name and some sort of clever sign-off. Here is a list of examples you can use (examples appear in bold):

B/F/F
Translation: Best Friends Forever

G/G
Translation: Gotta go

W/B/S
Translation: Write back soon

U
I heart Jason
Dave
Translation: I love Jason, you love Dave

INVU4URAQT
Translation: I envy you for you are a cutie.

Other tips:

• Mention a boy you like every other sentence.
• If possible, use a four colored pen and make every letter a different color.
• Fold your note as creatively as possible. The point is to make it almost impossible for the other person to open.
• Use your note as a platform to discuss the issues by making bold political statements such as writing "Peace" with a peace symbol next to it or "I HATE war!!!" (remember to underline "HATE")
• Keep a countdown of important events coming up and remind the reader where you are in the countdown. For example, "Only 1 month and 20 days until Vanilla Ice!!"

I hope this proves to be helpful to you in your professional endeavors.