Monday, May 16, 2005

Letters for May 16, 2005

Dear every single person in the grocery store,
I hate you. Get out of my way.

Dear tax return,
Mmmm….I love you. Let's get married.

Dear Alan Thicke,
I hear you got married last week and that your wedding ring is the ring you wore on "Growing Pains". I just want to say that is effing awesome. Also I think it speaks to the overwhelming success you've experienced in your career since "Growing Pains" ended in 1992, and you fell of the face of the earth. It's like you're still holding on for dear life to your one shining moment. How precious!

Dear satellite receiver in my bedroom,
What is the goddamn deal. Just to clarify your job duties, you are actually supposed to receive a satellite signal thus your official name of "satellite receiver". I'm not sure when you decided to just stop turning on, but this new habit of yours is not working for me. Believe it or not, I have you in my room so that I can watch TV in there. I do enjoy watching Conan O'Brien through fuzz and static and only catching every couple of words, however, could you please turn on before I throw you out the fucking window? Great. Thanks.

Dear migraine,
I hate you so much. You are hindering my ability to blog properly and watch TV properly because the light and the noise hurt my eyes. How about if you, hmm…how you say…oh I know--eff off. Seriously.

Dear Internet,
I'm sorry this post sucks. Please see above letter to the migraine.

5 comments:

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

It didn't suck. I have been wondering what Alan has been up to.

He's Canadian, you know.

Gordon said...

Damnit, everytime I think I'm funny, you make an Alan Thicke comment and make me look totally inferior....but he is Canadian, you know....

Anonymous said...

steph: whoa. i followed sarah's alan thicke link, since i heard he is canadian and all...anyone else distrubed that he was in a show called "Rubdown"?

~jess~ said...

I absolutely love your letters.

My favorite part was the one to your tax return. I about died laughing and trying to read it to my boyfriend.

And migraines are the worst.

ARM said...

I completely forgot about Alan Thicke! Wow.