First thing's first...
To my mom: thanks for always calling me to tell me to take a jacket, to watch out for cops, that there's an accident on 71 so take a different way home, figuring out I had gall stones and sitting with me at the hospital for 2 full days, helping me pick out appliances, buying me a Big Wheel and the Barbie Dreamhouse, being an awesome cook, helping me with my laundry on Mother's Day so I could take a nap (I'm a bad daughter), coming over the day B left and cleaning my entire apartment (along with my dad and sister) and not complaining once that I sat on my bed and cried the whole time because I was too broken to be of any help, giving me my tiny wrists and hands, finding me my prom dress, putting notes in my lunch even when I was in high school, making me call you when I get inside the house so you know I got home okay and for being so freaking awesome that I don't even enough time or room in the world to write down every single think I am thankful for about you. I hit the mommy jackpot, and I know it. I love you!
Now onto less important things...
- My tan has officially left the building. It lasted for all of 3 days. I am now back to being pale and sickly and very Midwestern.
- I'm pretty sure I saw Grady from "Sanford & Son" at BP last night.
- Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are having a baby!! I'm wondering what they are going to name it. I was thinking Ben is probably trying to keep up with Gwyneth so he will want to name it something similar to Apple, such as Orange or Kiwi or maybe move into the vegetables with Asparagus. Then I thought that there is no way in hell Jennifer is going to name her baby something similar to Gwyneth-the ex-so all food names should be counted out. Coco's been done, and the Zappas and the Phoenixes have used up a lot of good ones. So let's take a look at their interests: Ben likes gambling and making out with me and Jennifer likes kicking bad guys' asses and divorcing Scott Foley. None of this helps with figuring out the baby's name so I'm just going to go out on a limb and guess that they will name it Matt Damon.
- Someone on TV just said "nougat log".
- My mom and dad have found out about the blog because of someone who shall remain nameless.
DIANE
Diane said she didn't give them the address, but then magically somehow my mom has been giving the address to other people. Interesting. Tell me, Diane, are you not, in fact, a big fat liar? Hmmm?? It's okay. I like new readers (hello, new readers!), and I wasn't really hiding it from my parents. I just didn't think they'd be that interested. My mom reads it sometimes so if you are reading this, Mom, hi! I'll see you tomorrow for dinner. My dad won't read it because he says it's my private thing, and he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable. Here's the thing, Daddy, I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say in front of you. I actually even swear more in front of you than I do on this. Where did I learn that, I wonder? You alright! I learned it by watching you! Awesome.
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12 comments:
Fresh Prince and 80's PSA relapses... seriously, this blog rocks.
I would crap myself if my father ever found my blog. He's pretty uptight. Your parents sound cool.
I feel a little strange (just a little) saying this (in light of the fact that your mom may actually be reading it now). But I guess I am safe since your dad isn't. Anyway I had decided up in the part where you were writing about your mom - that you should have added she is hot.
Now maybe that is the *ENTIRE* pan of Rice Krispie Treats she offered me talking - but I don't think so.
You're fine.
quite possibly one of the greatest ant-drug PSAs ever.
Sarah, you never fail to make me laugh. I also would freak out if my parents found me. Yipes.
And Kiwi... that was too funny.
Yeah, my baby bro totally outed me. On the upside, my mom got the comments section rolling even though she gets kind of carried away and then upset when I delete about half the stuff she posts.
Maybe Bennifer, II will call the baby "Daredevil" since they met on set?
I think they will call their kid Nougat Log. Also since Diane outed you on the blog, I'm going to out her. Mrs. Sarah's mom, Diane is actually the one that stepped on your foot during the Macarena or Electric Slide or whatever song was playing when I broke your foot. I mean when Diane broke your foot.
i totally came up with nougat log.
I guess that means I shouldn't have told my stepmother that I have a blog? Please tell me I did the right thing and that I wasn't being an ass for telling her.
Hey wait. I'm 56 friggin years old and I can say anything I want on my blog. Who cares what she thinks. Right? Right?
My parents think "Blogging" is some sort of code for screwing, so I'm safe.
OK, your mom and sister tell me how funny your wrting is, so once in a while I read it--like today--while you and your mom are out buying furniture and the weather sucks so I can't play golf without looking like I was in a mud wrestling contest.
No big deal---I like your style and you are a short hop from..............30!!!!
P.S. The Bellagio is without a doubt thee best Hotel/Casino. (period)
But enough about me.....
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