Thursday, May 12, 2005

Surely she has jaw issues now

My freshman year at college I lived in a dorm with this one chick who reeked of cigarette smoke and cheap perfume. We called her "BJ" because giving them was her favorite pasttime. She had a boyfriend of 3 years waiting for her at home who would send her cards and presents and call her every night to tell her he loved her, and she would reciprocate by blowing some guy she didn't know. Isn't that sweet? Anyway, my friend Kelly bet BJ $20 that she couldn't give a BJ to every single guy in this one fraternity (I will keep the fraternity name a secret in order to protect the totally fucking nerdy). We posted a list of all the members up on BJ's door and as each one was "serviced" she would check them off. That girl actually did it, and Kelly paid up-at which point I do believe BJ officially became a hooker, no? I mean she was paid for sex. One time she got mad at me because I called her a slut. I apologized later, and she said that she was mad because I used the word "slut". She doesn't like that word. She said "ho" or even "whore" was okay, but not "slut".

BJ is only slightly less slutty than Angelina Jolie. That's all I'm saying.

20 comments:

"AG" said...

Sounds like my first college roommate, only I paid her to leave my boyfriend alone.

Gordon said...

That is so freaking wrong...I love it...what an absolutely ridiculous person. Can I meet her? Please??

Scott said...

That's awesome. I lived in a nerdy fraternity, but apparently not the right one.

~jess~ said...

That is absolutely disgusting. I mean, I like giving them as much as the next girl but that's just gross.

And I'd rather be a slut than a whore.

Erik with a K said...

Maybe she was just practicing for her boyfriend, or maybe trying out new technique.

Still, it's gross.

ORF said...

Dude, that is freaking gross, but sounds remarkably like this girl I knew my freshman year. I guess there's one in every bunch...

My freshman roommate was named Lauren and for some unknown reason, she dubbed herself and myself "Whorin" (as in "Whorin' Lauren") and "Whorest" (because my name is Forest). I must sadly report that I was totally undeserving of that moniker, though. I think it's because I pretty much loathe BJs.

lyndseyd200813 said...

What the heck is a BJ???? (I'm in middle school. I shouldn't know. Still my e-mail is lyndseyd200813@yahoo.com. send me one.

danielle said...

oh please copy me on the email to lyndsey.

Sarah said...

Lyndsey, I don't think I am the right person to be telling you about BJs. You definitely don't want to learn about it from a stranger on the Internet. You should ask a friend. You could ask your mom but only if you're comfortable talking about sex with her. Sorry to get all parent-y on you, but you'll realize someday that I'm right. And honestly I seriously can't be responsible for corrupting you. Here's one thing I CAN tell you about BJs: if a boy pushes your head down, use your teeth. That's good advice.

Kara0303 said...

I think I'd rather be a slut than a whore, too, if I were to pick one.

And that's some great advice you've given. Teeth - hilarious!

Johnny Virgil said...

What's the difference between a new job and a new wife? 6-months later, the new job still sucks. Ba-dum-bum! I'm here all week.

Anonymous said...

I find it hard to believe that Lindsey doesn't know what a BJ is. She's in middle school for crying out loud. Kids in middle school are having sex these days.

Melanie was here said...

I just saw yesterday on MSNBC that middle school kids are having sex for meth! Disgusting. Lyndsey - my advice is just don't do it. They pee out of that thing! Seriously. They do.

Scott said...

Hey, at least we don't retain 2 ounces of the stuff in our hair. Seriously, it's like getting slapped in the face with a pee sponge.

Melanie was here said...

Dammit, that's gross!

Gordon said...

Why does pee sponge make me giggle like a 13 year old?

BTExpress said...

You guys are acting like none of this is a wonderful experience, pee and all. Oh wait. Maybe you haven't tried it yet? Never mind.

Erik with a K said...

Scott=effing hilarious

dutchie said...

First day Abigail, our aupair, arrived she's trying hard to pick up on our Dutch and the kids go: "echt hoor" (meaning; yeah, for real).
Took her some time to get used to that one.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I read this post in a Penthouse Letters column. I never realized those things were TRUE.