Thursday, July 14, 2005

And the winner is...

I have decided that people should be giving me more awards. I haven't won any in a really long time. I'm not talking a Nobel Peace Prize or anything, but could we at least throw a Daytime Emmy my way? Come on-it's not like I'm asking for a lot. Daytime Emmys aren't even that important.

In 8th grade I won "Most Dedicated" in band. I mean let's face it-that's a pretty sexy award. But it only got me laid for another year or so then we went to high school, and it's like everybody forgot just how dedicated to band I really was.

In high school, I totally lost Homecoming Queen which is crap. I think part of it had to do with the fact that I was not nominated*. In the Super Senior Awards in high school, I was nominated for Most Musical-another sexy award. But I lost it to Andrea Novak. I had to do my fake "I'm so happy for her" face since all eyes were on me (Note: in this case, by "all eyes were on me" I mean that all of my friend Jenny's eyes were on me. Not to make it sound like she has seven eyes or anything. She has the standard issue pair of eyes.)

At the same award ceremony, my high school boyfriend and I won "Romeo and Juliet" which served as a fairly accurate prediction of how our relationship would end up since we are still together today even though we haven't seen each other in years, we have dated other people, and he is now married and has a baby.

That is the last time I have won an award, people. Some people say that receiving gift cards and bonuses at work count as awards. But my pay stub highlighting the slight increase in pay that week doesn't look that great in my trophy case.

Okay I'm putting it to you guys to get me an award of some kind. Maybe a Heisman or something. Ooh or a Grammy!! Could you guys get me a Grammy? That would be great. Thanks.

* By the way, they frown upon it when you try to take part in the parade as a nominee if you really aren't one.


Anonymous said...

oh boy...sarah is feeling down on herself because little sister diane is once again going on and on about how she was prom queen. she is even wearing the tiara again. we get it diane. enough already. and by the way sarah, you did so win an award three weekend ago. you got a prize and a crown, i was there...Miss Condom Queen. -steph

Sarah said...

OMG it's true. How could I forget! However, that was a team award. I'm also looking for more of an individual achievement award. But seriously we are Condom Queens.

Aaron said...

Sarah, in an upcoming BLOG I think you should hand out awards to this monstrosity of a cluster-f of friends. Your blog entries make me laugh uncontrollably and I imagine you could come up with some good ammunition for awards for some of these people...

Erik Holtan said...

Holy Crap!!!
You are good!
I heard I had to come here all the way from Iraq, and I came and you kicked ass!
I love Hilary Duff too!

russ said...

First, I must say that you're probably better off not turning out like Romeo + Juliet -- they both killed themselves, yo. Frankly that's not a terif award.

Secondly, I think John gave you the Probably Most Funny award, which if he was any kind of friend at all would have involved a trophy, like a plaster cast of his left big toe.

Gordon said...

Is that why there was a fucking tiarra sitting on the kitchen table at your sister's house when I dropped you and Kim off there? Damnit. Stupid Condom Queen

StrangerDanger said...

Hey, we all love Hillary Duff. And Sarah. And Keebler Fudge'Ems

heather said...

Froikin' computer is acting like a pansy on me - all I wanna do is tell ya' I love your posts! Thanks for making us here in Baghdad laugh! Keep 'em coming!

Carly said...

Sarah, I would like to present you with the Role Model for Charlotte Church's Binge-Drinking Award for 2005. You are a true inspiration to young women everywhere!

go to

for an example of the criteria for receiving this award. (Really, she is MESSED UP - go read it!!!)

Congratulations!!! :-)

Adam said...

Sarah, I too hereby present you with an award (although mine isn't all fancyschamncywebsited).

Sarah, it was with great honour and some proudness I hand you the most prestigious and coverted:

Most Likely To Create The Next Post on This Blog Award.

Bravo, bravo, well done. Well done.
Oh, poor Lindsay Lohan, she was sure she this one this year.

John said...

I think you should let me post the next post.

Adam said...


Are you trying to make a mockery of this Award Ceremony?

Haven't you heard the saying "Live and let Live to give (Awards, herpies, etc)"

Why, you're no better than Chris Rock, why can't you people take us seriously?