And the winner is...

I have decided that people should be giving me more awards. I haven't won any in a really long time. I'm not talking a Nobel Peace Prize or anything, but could we at least throw a Daytime Emmy my way? Come on-it's not like I'm asking for a lot. Daytime Emmys aren't even that important.

In 8th grade I won "Most Dedicated" in band. I mean let's face it-that's a pretty sexy award. But it only got me laid for another year or so then we went to high school, and it's like everybody forgot just how dedicated to band I really was.

In high school, I totally lost Homecoming Queen which is crap. I think part of it had to do with the fact that I was not nominated*. In the Super Senior Awards in high school, I was nominated for Most Musical-another sexy award. But I lost it to Andrea Novak. I had to do my fake "I'm so happy for her" face since all eyes were on me (Note: in this case, by "all eyes were on me" I mean that all of my friend Jenny's eyes were on me. Not to make it sound like she has seven eyes or anything. She has the standard issue pair of eyes.)

At the same award ceremony, my high school boyfriend and I won "Romeo and Juliet" which served as a fairly accurate prediction of how our relationship would end up since we are still together today even though we haven't seen each other in years, we have dated other people, and he is now married and has a baby.

That is the last time I have won an award, people. Some people say that receiving gift cards and bonuses at work count as awards. But my pay stub highlighting the slight increase in pay that week doesn't look that great in my trophy case.

Okay I'm putting it to you guys to get me an award of some kind. Maybe a Heisman or something. Ooh or a Grammy!! Could you guys get me a Grammy? That would be great. Thanks.

* By the way, they frown upon it when you try to take part in the parade as a nominee if you really aren't one.