Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I need support

While I was shopping for strapless bras last week I was reminded of an incident that happened last year at a local bridal shop. I was a bridesmaid in my friend Suz's wedding, and I was going in for my final fitting. I brought my strapless bra as you are supposed to do so that the seamstress can make sure everything looks exactly how it will look on the wedding day.

I walked out in the dress, and besides my initial complete and utter horror at the width of my hips, it looked okay. Suddenly from across the room the seamstress-a little mean Korean lady-started saying, "No. No." I look at her confused. She ran over to me, cupped her hands under my boobs and said, "Too low." Then she lifted them and said, "Should be here. Not here." and dropped them again. This lifting and lowering happened a couple more times while she shook her head disapprovingly, and I fought back tears to say, "Well this is...just...where they are."

She ran over to a dresser and started sorting through the drawer. "You wear wrong bra. What size you are?" I told her, and she pulled out one of those corset restrict your lungs so you suffocate on the altar type bras. I tried it on and walked out and she said, "See? See? Up here." I replied, "Actually I can't see. The lack of oxygen to my brain has caused everything to go black." I politely told her I would not be needing her death bra and changed back into my own. Note: by "politely told her" I mean I said, "Are you fucking kidding me? You couldn't pay me enough to wear this thing."

For the next 10 minutes I had to listen to her talk in broken English about how they were just too low and didn't look normal. For the next week or so I made all my friends stare at them and give me their honest opinion. "Are these too low?" I bet you guys wish you were around for that. Free stare at the ladies! Well, I know Steph at least wishes she was around.

Man I hate that Korean lady. If she were here I would smack her around with my low hanging chest.


slcup said...

Here's how you know if The Girls are too low: if you can tuck 'em in your pants and go topless without showing nipple - they're too low.

Violet said...

I use my low hanging chest to clear a path when I get off the train. They're more useful when they hang down around my knees!

ALoyd said...

This is the DAMN funniest thing I have read all day. And yes, the boys are upset none of us was around for that week...

Johnny Virgil said...

consider yourself lucky -- at least they're both at the same height.

Erik Holtan said...

Hey Sarah,
I tagged you on this game and I know you have only been to my site once, I know that in my circle you are holy ground as far as blogging!
Go to ErikHoltan.net and please play, we would love it, and I think it would be funny!

Oh, that girl. said...

I wish I could have stared at the ladies!

Anonymous said...

while i do indeed wish i was around, i take comfort in the fact that in 24 hours we are going to new orleans and after you have a couple hurricanes i'm sure i won't be the only one staring at your girls. granted it won't be free, but i'm sure we can come up with some plastic beads somewhere for payment. i'll tell you if they are too low. -steph

Adam said...

Why didn't you tell us the girls were too low months ago?!?

Man, I've wasted all that time reading your blog, when I could have been reading the blogging of someone whose girls were "there, not there."

I'll never get those 23 minutes back. Never!!!!

russ said...

Do yer tits hang low?
Do they dangle to-and-fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?

Hmm. That's kinda crude. I have no idea where I actually learned that song (with "balls" in place of "tits", of course).


Mon said...

LOL! Don't feel bad, after the bra episode on Oprah, I got measured, I was wearing 2 cup sizes too small. 98% of American women are in the wrong bra size. Oprah said so!!! LOL!

Rob Seifert said...

My dear wife bought one of these torture bras for our wedding. She couldn't wait to get out of it and hasn't worn it since.