Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Wedding advice

My friends Gerbs and Shannon got engaged this weekend. I am so happy for them, and I can tell you that their wedding is going to be effing awesome. However, I am inclined to offer up some advice to them and to anyone else planning a wedding that will make the occasion even more enjoyable--well, for me anyway, and I'm really the most important guest at any wedding.

1. Two words: open bar.

2. Include some form of potatoes in the dinner.

3. To the bride and groom specifically: DANCE!!! Make sure you give yourself time to get out on the dance floor with my drunk ass and dance with me.

4. Don't do the bouquet toss. And if you do, don't expect me to get up there because I will be hiding at the bar and will have moved one of my rings to my left ring finger so as to fool people who don't know me into thinking I'm married. DO NOT under any circumstances call me up there via microphone. I will never talk to you again.

5. Do not do the train. I will hurt anyone who starts the train. Also I will hurt anyone who grabs me and tries to pull me into the train. This is not a joke--it is a warning.

6. Play Def Leppard.

18 comments:

Oh, that girl. said...

yeah, my rules were:
no chicken dance
no macharena
no piano man

And we had open bar and bottles of wine at every table. :-) Wish I knew you then. I would have invited you!

Anonymous said...

i guarantee i will start a dance train this weekend at the wedding, and i promise i will find a way to wrap the train around you. i'll make you pay for not joining in. -steph

Gordon said...

Sarah,
If steph starts a train at this weekend's wedding, I pledge to you that I will help you beat her senseless.....

ALoyd said...

I hate the train too. I go to the bar instead. The only traditional wedding dance i like is the electric slide, and trust me I ROCK OUT to the boogie-woogie-woogie. Oh, Sarah, in addition to Def Leppard, there has to be some Journey or Firehouse in the playlist.

Scott said...

Oh, you absolutely have to play Baby Got Back

Erik Holtan said...

So now you have given things yu don't want to do, and they will probably MAKE you do every one!
Oops I almost put make you do EVERYONE! That doesn't mean the same thing!
Have a great time!
Erik

danielle said...

you know what, YOU are a def leppard. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Anti-Blogger said...

Hmmm...so you are only there for the free drinks?? I can't believe you don't like the train. What a shame.

ORF said...

Nice, Scott. Nice.

slcup said...

"Baby Got Back" is the greatest song ever. It's also my theme song.

You know what else must go at weddings? Clinking the glass to make them kiss. Shut up, that's stupid.

heather said...

OK - I gotta' ask - why potatoes???

Lulu said...

I think Pour Some Sugar On Me is an extremely appropriate wedding song. Really, I do.

My sister really wanted to play Mambo #5 at her MORMON WEDDING. How did she miss the part about it being all about banging mutiple woman.

ORF said...

Wait, I thought Mormon's were allowed to bang multiple women. Isn't that the whole point of Mormonism?

slcup said...

only if they're like 14 years old - asshat pedophiles

dantheman2/11 said...

Wow let me tell you what your pretty vicious haha. I hope somehow we never end up at the same wedding :D. jk

Kara0303 said...

Absolutely NO BOUQUET Toss. I think I'd rather go for my girl doctor appointment then have to stand up there like a desparate chick ready to elbow a bridesmaid for some dumb flowers just so I can "get married." Lame.

Sarah said...

Min Pin Momma, thanks! I would've totally classed up your wedding by drinking too many cranberry vodkas and stealing a microphone and singing "Love Bites".

Steph, I will seriously hurt you.

Loyd, of course Journey and Firehouse! "Don't Treat Me Bad" might (for real) be one of my most favorite songs of all time. I will request it at Paul and Jen's wedding this weekend.

Scott, duh! Seriously it should be played at all weddings.

AB, no I am there to witness a union between two of my friends and to drink free drinks.

Heather g, no specific reason other than I love potatoes so much it's ridiculous.

dantheman, I swear I'm not for real vicious--unless you try to get me to do the bouquet toss or the train.

Bev said...

I once started a train at a wedding I crashed. Not my finest moment, but oh well.