I just received this email from Steph

My theory on the Office: I think every guy sees himself as Jim, and every girl wants to find a Jim. But not every guy really is Jim, and not every girl really wants that nice guy, otherwise a whole lot more people would be getting some loving.

Arts and crafts: Part 3

Since St. Patrick's Day is over, it was time to change the holiday tree so that's what we did on Tuesday. This time it's the Easter tree, and it is by far our worst effort. I mean there aren't even any penises on it. I guess having penises on a tree for the holiday that celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ would kind of be in poor taste-even for us. So we stuck with what the season is really about: eggs. Diane and I didn't bother to do anything but shove some plastic eggs on the tree and color pictures with crayon and marker and then hang those up. Luckily Steph bought some cute ribbon to hang on the tree. Unluckily it was like 2 feet long and went around the tree twice. Sharda, as usual, was the biggest slacker creating an entire bonnet out of construction paper. What? Sharda, seriously-stop being so damn creative all the time. Check out this piece:

























As you can see Steph bought a new giant red chair that took up a good chunk of decorating space. There used to be a recliner there, but the girls decided to redecorate a little bit and put it here:



















Right in front of the front door.

What actually happened is that Steph, who is roughly 5'1"-ish, decided she would move the recliner herself to make room for her new chair. She got it down to the bottom of the stairs, and it got stuck. So she just left it there. Naturally. Seriously, Steph/Diane/Kim, how come nothing is ever normal at your apartment?

Hey-you know what's pretty appealing? The shit that falls out of a recliner that's been sitting in the same place for 4 years at an apartment whose sole purpose is essentially housing every crazy party that has occurred since 2000. Besides like $40 in change and a remote, everything else was...well quite frankly it made me dry heave so let's not go back to that dark place, mkay?

We ended the evening with Steph telling us all about this show she watched called "Blow Job". At first I was like, "Okay-listen I love you girls, but we don't need to share all our secrets. I mean if you want to watch porn that's your own thing, but we don't need to discuss it." Turns out she was talking about the show "Blow Out" which is a decidedly different kind of show having to do with a male hairdresser who, if I had to guess, probably watches shows called "Blow Job".

P.S. A special message to my boys going to the NASCAR race this weekend: please be careful, be smart, have an absolute blast, come back to us safe, take pictures and take a shower when you get back before you see me. Three days in a tent with 10 guys = a rankness that will make your eyes water.

P.P.S. Um...did you guys watch "Lost" last night? Three words: Ho. Ly. Shit.

It's still March and I'm still mad

Here it is: the unprecedented same year second entry into the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Poetry Hall of Fame.

"Oh don't mind me, UConn, I'm only trying to win some freakin' money here" by Okay Seriously

Oh I'm sorry, Uconn.
Didn't mean to cause you strife.
I guess I hadn't realized
My back got in the way of your knife.

I seriously want to kill you
And take George Mason down as well.
I'll push you over a cliff
But I'll tell police you fell.

Thanks to you and Villanova
My bracket now makes me sick.
The only person lower than me
Is someone who didn't pick.

This tournament was filled
With disaster and mishap
You guys lost your shit
And I got totally bitchslapped.

Birthday Bonanza

Saturday was my little sister's 27th birthday. She's younger than me, but everyone always thinks she is older-probably because she's taller and blonder and has tons of wrinkles. Okay that last part's not true. I was just trying to make myself feel better. I thought I would put up some pictures of when I was actually taller than her.























Here we are in our pink sweatsuits. We still try to buy matching sweatsuits and wear them at the same time whenever possible. We don't want anyone to forget we're sisters. In this pic we are in a boy's bedroom on his bed so this is proof that we were slutty even as little kids. Incidentally, Diane held her face like that for too long, and now it's permanently stuck like that.























Here we are in front of our old house. Look how cute she is. You can kind of see here how her jaw and therefore smile was a little lopsided. It was the cutest thing ever. It also led to years and years and thousands of dollars of orthodontic work. As my mom said, "A lopsided jaw isn't as cute when you're 30." The other day when I pulled this picture out of the album and showed my mom she said, "How high are your pants?" I tried to blame her for it since I was only a little kid, but she said that at that age I was dressing myself. I still think there's a way I can pin this on her. I mean didn't she check me before I left the house? You might be wondering about the hats. So am I. I have no idea where these came from. I found their website. I don't understand one goddamn word on it. So I'm thinking either we bought one of their products or my dad knew a guy that worked for them, and the guy gave us hats because he thought we were cute or because he felt bad for me because I was clearly destined to be a loser with my pants pulled up that high.

























Here's a pic of D at her party this past Saturday. Nice turtleneck-vest combo. You gotta love my 1970's baby clothes hand-me-downs. Look how friggin' cute she is. So annoying. She's still cute. It's still annoying. But I still hope she had an awesome birthday because she is the best sister in the world (note: in this case "best" means "best and most annoying").

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOWL CUT!! I MEAN DIANE!!

P.S. Happy Birthday, Squirt!!!

March Madness 2006

It's that time of year again-time to unleash my anger on certain teams who have screwed me out of money in my NCAA tournament brackets. Last night I took some serious hits. The only way to truly express anger eloquently and with class is to write an offensive poem about it. With that I present my 2006 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament poem*:

"Holy crap, Duke, I hate you-amongst others" by Okay Seriously

Oklahoma, we've been here before.
Cuz of you I'm once again poor.
You keep on losing
So I keep on boozing.
Goddammit you're still a big whore.

Kansas, thought you'd go kinda far.
I didn't mean back home in a car.
You lost so sadly.
Who the fuck is Bradley?
You must've left your balls in a jar.

Gonzaga, I don't know what to say.
How could you hurt me this way?
Once again you left me.
Once again you effed me.
But I think Duke is even more gay.

Duke holy crap you're the worst.
I hate you so much I could burst.
Had you in the top two
You big piece of poo.
I swear my bracket's now cursed.

Was really sure that you were a lock.
But now I'd like to show you my glock.
Thought our problems would mend over.
Then you told me to bend over.
Why don't you go eat a cock.

*Special Note: If UConn loses before the championship game, there will be an unprecedented second entry into the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Poetry Hall of Fame.

Random thoughts for today

-You know what makes sense? When pigeons are scared they run instead of fly. I'm just saying that seems like a good idea. I know if I had a jet pack I would probably never use it especially when I was scared for my life. Stupid pigeons.

- Lost, despite the awesome Claire episode a few weeks ago, I was pretty peeved at you. You seem to only have a new episode like once every other month. So I was expecting a lot from you last night, and I will admit I went into it with a bad attitude. Then 15 minutes into it BAM – Naked Jack coming out of the shower!! Hell yeah, Lost!! We are so friends again!! By the way, the previews for next week gave me goosebumps. Please tell me what is going to happen, and please tell me it involves more Jack in the shower. I know you think it might not be important to the progression of the storyline, but you're wrong.

- Scott has a post about ketchup today (amongst other things), and in it he says, "the only brand of ketchup is Heinz. If you serve something else throw it out - your friends hate you." I would just like to say a couple things about this. 1 - he went to a conference in Florida and brought me back a souvenir, and it was a little bottle of Heinz ketchup. Best. Souvenir. Ever. 2 - if you buy Hunt's you are a nazi.

- Is it just me or has Antonio Banderas had some work done?

Some recent signs I am getting older

- I clip coupons
- I carry mints in my purse
- I now prefer VH1 over MTV. In fact, I can't stand MTV anymore. I tried to watch the new "Real World", and after about 5 minutes I wanted to jab myself in the neck with a pen. What the hell happened to this show? I used to love it. Now it actually makes me fearful for the future of mankind. Where do they find these people? Is this how college kids are now? I'm scared.
- While on MTV, I saw a commercial for "Punk'd" where Ashton Kutcher was in a car singing along to "Manic Monday" by The Bangles, and he didn't know the words and it PISSED ME OFF.
- I want every guy that has long hair to cut it.
- I don't understand the Scion. From what I can tell, it's just a full-sized toy car. Is that right? I don't get it.
- Every kid at every restaurant everywhere in the world calls me "ma'am" every time without fail.
- Then in my head I hear myself saying, "Damn kids."

St. Patrick's Day 2006

I really don't know how to describe St. Patrick's Day. I will say that I was out for over 10 hours, and I, along with Sharda, was the first one to leave. The whole day was a blur of green and wine and white russians and pizza and dancing and bagpipes and amaretto sours and all the while I was fielding calls from work. Sorry, work.

A guy who looks like what Balmudo from "Grease" would look like 25 years out of high school tried to kiss me.









Steph saw a bagpiper stop in the middle of playing, throw up and then start playing again. Carrie told some girl we don't know that she is going to invent a catheter that empties into a bag that looks like a cute purse so we won't have to wait in line for the bathroom. These are specifics I can remember. I'm going to need some help from my friends for some more details.

I remember this: someone gave me a whistle. That was a bad idea. All day I would blow the whistle when I noticed behavior I didn't like, and Jen would scream out the correct foul. For example, a girl cut in line for the bathroom. I blew the whistle and Jen screamed, "Bathroom foul!!!" Or we saw 2 people TOTALLY making out up against a wall, and I blew the whistle and Jen screamed, "Making out foul!!!!" It was awesome. Another time the whistle came in handy was when Jace would get lovey with other girls. Because Jace is mine.

Let me tell you one of the reasons why I love my sister. She is tough. I wish I was tough like her, but I am scared of everything. When you're scared of everything, it's good to have a sister who's not. Anyway, at one of the bars she was up on a platform dancing (obviously), and this drunk guy kept hitting on her. He was all up in her face being creepy and at first she was being nice and asking him to please leave her alone. Then he was getting more aggressive and started touching her. So she pushed him off the platform onto the ground. Awesome. Unfortunately Creepy McCreeperson got back up and still wouldn't leave her alone. So naturally I went over there and every time he touched her I blew the whistle and smacked his hand away. Over and over and over because HE WOULDN'T STOP. She asked his friend, "Can you do something about your friend? I'd like him to leave me alone." The guy said, "Nope." So she gave the friend the finger then she pushed the creepy guy off the platform again-this time harder. It was seriously the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. At that point he gave up. It might've been because Drew got up on the platform next to her or because I think Diane actually injured him, but I like to think it was because of my whistle. You really don't want to mess with me and my whistle.

By the way if that guy is reading this: 1-you're lucky my sister only pushed you and didn't resort to using her fists and/or freakishly strong legs and 2-I've put your name on the national sex offender registry.

St Patrick's Day viewed through my outgoing text messages:

To John, 11:01am (3 hours in):
Supbiatch!

To Jace (who was at the same bar), 11:41am:
Come here. we have a good spot.

To Scott, 12:39pm:
Im in ftkannerys. i mis u. tell derek supbiatch.

To Diane (standing nearby), 1:50pm:
Goddammit

To Danielle, 1:55pm:
Ur g hor. chicos here. fng rays ur a hor!!!

To Danielle and to Gerbs, some time between 1:55pm and 2:03pm:



















To Woody, 2:03pm:
Sup biatch. u ned 2 come heqe now.

To Woody, 2:47pm:
Come hfre

To Diane (3 feet away), 3:30pm:
Pizza

To Jace, 3:52pm:
Where r u? were goin to blind pig

To Woody, 4:02pm:



















To Danielle, 4:18pm:
Oops I did it agapin hor

To Steph, 4:20pm:
Where r u [ed. note: we left her in the bathroom at the previous bar]

To Diane, 6:13pm:
I'm dond with this place. Its 2 flashy in my face

To Woody, 6:31pm:
U = lame [ed. note: sorry, Woody. Though it was quite lame of you not to show up.]

To Diane, 7:01pm in the cab ride home:
R u mad I left? i have a headache and a big blister. [ed. note: Yes I called Woody lame and left a half hour later. And yes I had a headache from a same day hangover. And a blister from dancing like a fool in my Nikes.]

Yikes.

P.S. Thoughts on last night's Grey's Anatomy: Dammit, writers. Why do you do it. I was loving the new playful lovesick Alex, and you went and ruined him. He's awful. I mean he really is an ahole. And he needs therapy. Maybe it would help him be not such an ahole. Dammit dammit dammit, writers. We are fighting.

Singing in the rage

This morning's road rage as I sung it to The Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)":

(If you want to listen to the song go here and click on Over My Head (Cable Car) under Video. Either way, this is only funny to me. And maybe John because he sings his road rage, too.)

Holy shit
Kia Spectra I will punch you in the face
I did not know Kias couldn't go more than 20
Just kidding I did know that if you want the truth

But that's not the point
I think I'm actually moving backwards
Thank God I'm getting on the highway
Oh look this Ford Escape is taking your place

And everyone knows I'll punch you in the head, in the head
It's 8 seconds till I flip my lid
Did I just say I'll flip...my...lid?

Let's rearrange
You'll move over and I'll go ahead of you
Just say that you agree and then change lanes
Why aren't you moving I thought we had a deal?

You just disregard
I thought we were friends then you discard
Well then I'm gonna have to ram you with my car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between [ed. note: sometimes it's hard to come up with different lyrics on the spot, people]

And everyone knows I'll punch you in the head, in the head
It's 8 minutes till I have to be at work
I'm gonna lose my mind, gonna lose my mind
And everyone knows I'm always late to work, late to work
In 8 seconds the next lane will open up
And I will pass on the right, I will pass...oh...

And suddenly I become part of your past
I'm becoming the part that blows by you
I'm passing you and it's effortless

Without a sound
I realize I'm almost downtown
That this is the farthest I've gone without slowing down
We can't let this slow down or we'll torture ourselves

And everyone knows they need to just keep moving, just keep moving
In 8 seconds I'll be off the highway
Don't let it die, don't let...the magic...die

Everyone please
Don't let it die
Everyone knows I'm almost at work, I'm almost at work, I'm almost there

Everyone, I love you all very much except that guy over there
In 8 seconds I'll be at work
And I'm on time, and I'm...on...tiiiiiiiiiiime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you, Dr. M.

Yesterday was the 3rd time in a month that I had to go to the dentist. I have to go 2 more times in the next 2 weeks. I'm just saying I have pretty awesome teeth. This is how I felt for most of the day yesterday:
















This might just be the very worst of the all the bad pictures I've drawn.

Anyway, since the time I have had teeth, I have gone to the same dentist. Then last fall he passed away from cancer. He was only like 58. He was literally the gentlest kindest person on the entire planet. I'm serious-the human race is worse off for having lost him. He wasn't a very modern dentist. He didn't have a hygienist or anything like that. He did all the cleaning himself and sang while he did it. He didn't have a panoramic X-ray machine. He didn't have a lot of machines. I didn't realize how many machines he didn't have until I went to my new dentist.

At first I felt like I was betraying my beloved Dr. M. when I went to the new guy even though I didn't have a choice. Then I walked into one of the rooms, and it was all shiny and filled with special instruments and machines. Then I saw it-the greatest machine of all: a television. A TELEVISION!!! Oh my God there are TVs in every room!!! And they're at the perfect height and angle so that you can watch them when you are laying back in the chair! I swear I barely notice that the dentist is drilling my teeth because I'm too busy wondering what Martha is cooking or listening to what those zany ladies on The View are saying. They're so crazy! The dentist asks me questions, and I'm like, "I'm sorry-what? Hey, listen Dr. B., could you turn off that drill? I can't hear Jada Pinkett Smith and Oprah telling me how to be a good mother and a strong woman*."

*By the way, this is my pet peeve. Celebrities telling people how to be good parents. Or celebrities receiving a ridiculous amount of kudos for doing things you're supposed to do as a parent. Like they'll have an interview of Catherine Zeta-Jones in a magazine, and she'll be like, "Well, I try to feed the baby myself as much as possible, and I change the diapers myself." Then they show a picture of her pushing the stroller, and people write in to the magazine like, "Oh my God Catherine Zeta-Jones is the greatest mother ever. How refreshing to see someone so beautiful and talented actually spend quality time with her kids."

1 - What the picture doesn't show is the $1,000-a-week nanny standing beside her ready to take over pushing the stroller as soon as the cameras get their shot.

2 - Either you applaud EVERY mother for being a mother or you don't applaud the things that are just part of being a parent. For example, "She actually feeds her own baby?!? Give her a medal!" No. Millions of women do this everyday because that is part of being a mother. I will not hi-five Catherine Zeta-Jones unless I can hi-five every other parent out there who is busting their ass to raise children.

Okay I feel better. Now to sum up:

I have bad teeth. I miss my old dentist. I like my new dentist. I'm sick of going to the dentist. I have pent up bitterness toward Catherine Zeta-Jones.

I wasn't even drunk-that's what's sad

Evidence of a good time on Saturday: receiving via cell phone a video taken 2 hours prior of Drew playing air fiddle and me playing air banjo to the Dixie Chicks' "Sin Wagon" with the subject "One word...awesome." By the way, I expect this video to be deleted immediately. Please. Thank you.

P.S. Look I am by no means a fashion maven nor would anyone ever accuse me of "overdressing" for anything...ever. But if I knew HGTV was coming over to do a segment on me and my house, I might put on something a little nicer than a denim shirt, shorts that are inappropriately short for someone my age and a hair scrunchie. I might also ask my male family members to wear shirts with sleeves and without stains-not the other way around. That's all I'm saying, lady who lives in restored flour mill. Your house is impressive. You...well you should really take a trip to the mall once in a while.

P.P.S. Did you SEE Conan O'Brien on Friday night!? It was the episode with his trip to Finland, and it was absolutely amazing. He is a genius. Conan, chances are good you're reading this right now so I just want to say, I am in love with you and will bear your children. I mean the ones your wife doesn't. Seriously-call me.

I still got it...kind of

Conversation with guy on street corner blatantly staring me up and down for-literally-a good 2 minutes straight while we waited for the walk signal:

[We start walking]

Him: Goin' to lunch?

Me: Yep!

Him: Are you going by yourself?

Me: No I'm meeting some friends.

Me (thinking): Sorry you won't be able to rape me!

Him: Where's your boyfriend?

Me, finally getting it: Haha-I don't have a boyfriend.

Him: Are you looking for one?

Me, in panic mode because I never know how to answer this completely absurd question: No. Not really.

Him: Aw-why not?

Me, lying through my teeth: Oh I very recently went through a pretty bad break-up.

Him: Oh-my girlfriend and I broke up about a year ago.

Me: Oh I'm sorry.

Him: Blah blah ranting and raving about ex-girlfriend being crazy he doesn't want to get back with that blah blah blah.

Me: Oh-there's my friend Scott! It was nice to meet you!

He couldn't have been more than about 20 years old and had an almost debilitating stutter that I could not capture in the above re-enactment. However, I would like to thank him for boosting my self esteem for the day. Next time, kiddo, don't be such a creepy Staring McStaringson. That's all I'm saying.

P.S As an epilogue to the Yanni discussion take a look at this picture:














Diane, Steph and Kim took a picture of this and sent it out as their Christmas card. Next to the picture it said, "Merry Christmas and Happy Yannikkah!" I am never taking it down off my refrigerator.

P.P.S. Happy Birthday, Gordo! It's tomorrow-or today. Depends on when you're reading this. His birthday is the 10th. He'll be 68. Or something like that. Have a great day. Don't break any hips.

Please don't hurt 'em, Yanni

How embarassed would you be if you were known as "the person who got beat up by Yanni"?

Just as a sidenote my sister, Steph and Kim put a picture of Yanni in a frame a couple years ago as a Halloween decoration because, let's face it, he's scary. It's still in the frame on top of the TV. After hearing about this news, they took him down and put him on a shelf facing the wall because "they just can't look at him right now". And you guys think I'm weird.

P.S. I may or may not have worn the Yanni picture on the front of my shirt at a party once. And then put on a scarf, gloves, a grandpa/beret-ish type hat and carried around a shovel and a Cabbage Patch Kid. For several hours. Okay no you guys are right-I'm definitely the weird one.

Ad nauseam

I know it's easy to make fun of commercials, but tonight I spent a lot of time on my couch watching TV, and there are things that are bothering me. They need to be discussed. Because I am annoyed. First of all, there seems to be an alarming trend of using sharks in advertising. I have seen two for cars, one for insurance, one for McDonald's and one for, I think, Mountain Dew where a guy is actually riding a shark. Um...is this necessary, world of advertising? How is using a terrifying man-eater good for sales? Why don't you just use some video footage of Jeffrey Dahmer? I'm just saying.

Second, the commercials for air fresheners-the kind that plug into the wall and have a little fan. They always show a regular air freshener sans fan plugged into the wall and some homeowner going completely batshit just to spread the smell around the room (i.e., riding a bike which is powering a giant industrial fan in front of the air freshener or tying a paper fan to a dog's tail and feeding it treats so it's tail will wag in front of the air freshener. I feel ridiculous just writing that.). Then the spouse of the insane-o plugs in the good air freshener with the fan, and little cartoon flowers fly out of it and are evenly distributed around the room. My problem with this commercial is if it's that important that you have an air freshener with a fan on at all times, maybe you should spend less time trying to figure out a way to keep the smell moving and more time trying to locate what the hell smells so bad in your house that you need to have an air freshener with a fan on at all times.

Lastly, I hate Excedrin commercials. They freak me out. Why in the world do we need to be so close up to a stranger's face while they discuss-way too seriously, I might add-the merits of Excedrin. Honestly these people couldn't be more annoying. They really need to focus their intensity on something more important than over-the-counter headache medication. I'm just saying they probably aren't much fun at a party. I imagine they get all up in your face around the shrimp tray, "Do you know... [intense staring deep into your eyes and through your soul] what it's like to have an allergy to shellfish?"

I'd like to thank the Academy...for nothing

I wasn't going to watch the Oscars as part of my ban on all awards shows (except for the Golden Globes because that involves TV). I am especially bitter toward the Oscars because I hate them ever since they didn't even nominate Paul Giamatti for "Sideways". Um, hello, acting doesn't get better than that! But I love Jon Stewart, and I wanted to see how he did so I did end up watching them.

Things that were awesome about the Oscars:
- Jon Stewart
- Dolly Parton
- Reese Witherspoon
- Jennifer Aniston
- Will Ferrell & Steve Carell
- Ben Stiller
- George Clooney
- Fake smear campaign ads-especially the one about sound editing

Things that were not awesome about the Oscars:
- Pretty much everything else

Why do I keep watching these? All they do is suck time out of my life. Seriously it takes like 4 hours to hand out roughly 6 awards to a bunch of boring movies that nobody I know even goes to see-except Sharda who sees every boring movie (Gosford Park). Here are my opinions on the movies that were nominated for Best Picture. I haven't seen any of them, but really how important is that when giving an opinion on something? Not very I say.

Capote - Bo-ring! Every clip of this movie put me to sleep. Did Truman Capote really talk like that?

Good Night, and Good Luck - Yeah it's black and white so... no. I mean I love me some George Clooney, but this has to be boring, right? I don't know-I'll probably end up renting it.

Munich - This looks pretty complicated and like I might be worn out mentally afterward. It's probably a good story, but I can say with almost 100% certainty that I will never see this film.

Brokeback Mountain - I want to see this movie. I'm curious - not bi-curious (sorry Steph) - just curious to see what all the fuss is about. How will I get through, "I wish I could quit you!" without laughing, though?

Crash - Diane and Drew went to see it and said it was horrible. So I asked them to tell me the whole story. I seriously wanted to punch them in the throats just for telling it to me. Me seeing this = false. I guess a lot of people were shocked that this won because there aren't any gay cowboys in it or something.

Obviously I have pretty sophisticated taste in movies considering I won't see any of the above, but I did rent "Flightplan" and "The Dukes of Hazzard" this weekend. I mean come on, Academy, where's your love for the Duke cousins??

Seriously, though, his glasses made his eyes like 24 times their normal size

To the parents of the little boy we were watching rock climb at the auto show last night: I SWEAR I was just kidding when I said, "I've never considered kidnapping before, but I might take him." 1 - No child in his right mind would ever go anywhere with me, 2 - I didn't have a cool wagon like you guys did so where's the appeal for him?, 3 - I just meant that he was really, really cute and 4 - I didn't know you were standing right in front of me when I said that. Oops.

Stuff and things

- Least surprising news headline ever that I meant to tell you about a month ago:

"Woman falls ill after door-to-door tattoo"

- Grey's Anatomy: I agree what Meredith did was shitty. I'm not denying that in any way. But I do wish George would at least try and be a little more understanding of everything that's going wrong in her life. I know it's hard for him, but one of the reasons I love George so much is because he usually does realize that stuff. He's usually the one who is able to say, "This isn't about me. She is really having a hard time of it right now." That's one of the things that makes him so wonderful. For now, though, she does deserve to take some crap from him because she essentially shat all over his heart. He can't be a doormat and be like, "Oh it's alright. I love you." I know that. But I'm hoping that once he's had some distance from the situation he will come to the realization that maybe she just made an awful mistake during an awful period in her life and shouldn't be persecuted forever. Because that's what George does. He forgives because he's innately good. Plus that other doctor chick is all up in his business. He should get on that. Why am I talking about this as if they are real people. This is sad, isn't it.

- Today a photographer was in here taking pictures for a CD-ROM that a department in my company is creating. They needed shots of people sitting at their desks and working on their computers. I somehow got roped into getting my picture taken. I didn't even do my hair today. It was still wet in fact. Isn't that gross-girls who still have wet hair when they get to work? Well get over it, people! Sometimes I am tired in the morning and don't want to do it! You're lucky I even make time to shower. Wait tell me again why I'm not moving up the company ladder faster? Anyway they made me take out a red manilla folder and pretend like I was enthralled with what was happening inside of it. Turns out there weren't any Salt & Vinegar Pringles inside of it so I was decidedly not enthralled. I was instant messaging Mufflet the whole time this was happening, and she told me to leave the message window up then she wrote this: "WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GIANT PORN STAR YOU BIG HOOKER". Dammit I love the Mufflet. I thought my first "photo shoot" was going well until the photographer actually had to say the sentence, "Can you move the Arby's Oven Mitt?" Sorry I'm such an a-hole, Mom and Dad.

- Special note to those who were with me on Saturday night and witnessed Jace and I dancing to "U Can't Touch This": Please be my friend still.