Wednesday, November 29, 2006

6 days and counting

- There are no words to describe how happy "A Charlie Brown Christmas" makes me.

- BFHX Day Two pics are up. I couldn't even talk to him at lunch without giggling. Facial hair maybe shouldn't make me this happy. But it really does. I wish you guys could all share in how amazing it is to see strangers' reactions to what he looks like. That is my Christmas wish for all of you this holiday season. Also if you are bored today, just imagine him trying to get through a day of work looking like this. Meetings, offsites, walking through the halls and, as an extra bonus, possibly an interview of a potential coworker. Picturing this stuff is all I do all day.

- Everyone needs to watch these immediately.

- All my effing shows are ending their fall seasons, and I will have to wait for most of them to come back in January or February. Um...that's not cool. Diane said it's good because now I can get back to having a real life. I don't really know what she's talking about. My life is pretty full juggling my internship at Seattle Grace and my boyfriend Skeet Ulrich. Not to mention trying to get off this island and learning to use my new superpower to save the cheerleader. Diane, maybe you're the one who needs a life. All you do is excel at your job and take care of your house with your boyfriend and participate in social activities outside of the home. LAME!

- Seriously BFHX Day Two. Check it out.

Last week of my 20's begins today

BFHX Day Two pictures are not up yet. But you will not be disappointed. Yesterday was fantastic. Today was supposed to be Day Three, but John forgot he had an offsite meeting so BFHX is on temporary hiatus until tomorrow. That might turn out to be a good thing because my body is worn out from laughing.

Today my coworker was looking at a news site while I was at his desk. On the site were two pictures related to two different stories. One was a picture of the lady who had the face transplant a year ago, and one was of Sylvester Stallone. After seeing these two pictures, I just want to say that maybe Sly should consider having a face transplant.

Face Transplant:

Not Face Transplant:

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

BFHX Day One

Day One of Birthday Facial Hair Christmas (BFHX) was more than I could have ever dreamed for. I can't even put into words how hard it was to look directly at it and not look directly at it at the same time. In a word: Brilliant. When we were at lunch I just kept thinking about how people who didn't know him totally thought that was really how he wore his facial hair. It was enough to make me almost literally burst with happiness. Please read about it here. And view pictures. Glorious pictures.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Happy belated Thanksgiving!

- I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving. I ate way too much and spent the entire day trying to stay awake as usual. An old man with a cane challenged my grandpa who also has a cane to a race. It was awesome. Thanksgiving is awesome.

- We had our second book club meeting a couple weeks ago. It was really fun. Sharda made us dinner, and then Shannon told us we weren't like a real book club. Apparently when she thought up the idea of a book club she didn't picture us talking about all the dirty parts of the book first or comparing national bestseller The Time Traveler's Wife to "Back to the Future". As I've told her, it will now be my mission to compare every book we read going forward to a Michael J. Fox movie.

- Last Tuesday we went to the Cavs game. My sister won club seats at a charity event, and we got free parking, free food, free drinks and awesome seats. I had never seen LeBron play live before so this was big for me. He is awesome. His arms are ridiculous. I want to hang them on my wall. While getting into our seats I spilled wine all over the back of this guy in front of me. I said, "I'm so so so so sorry." And he said, "Oh my God-this is my favorite shirt of all time." He was kidding of course. Then his friend said, "We're chubby-we just absorb the alcohol into our skin." When they left the guy I spilled on said, "I'll be sending you my dry cleaning bill." I love that guy.

- It's safe to say that 2 of the top 10 entries on my List of Favorite Things are Christmas and free dinner. Last night Danielle provided both by cooking us dinner while we helped decorate her Christmas tree. It was so fun and made me ridiculously happy. Then she played a show that was entirely made up of mascots, and you know what? That wasn't cool. But still-thanks, Mufflet. I had an great time.

- Grey's (don't read if you haven't seen it): Um...holy shit. Are you kidding me? It was so effing good! Alex and Addison? HOT! I like it! The whole Christina and Burke thing totally blew my mind. You could just see her losing control. I thought it was completely shitty of her to turn him in without so much as a warning especially after all her talk about needing to get their stories straight. Plus I am of the opinion that she dragged him into that whole situation to begin with. Steph does not agree, but I really feel it was her idea. He is a grown man and should've said no so he shoulders half the responsibility, but geez-talk about the ultimate betrayal. When I saw her in the chief's office, I was stunned. Derek and Meredith were adorable the whole episode. It was nice to see her smiley and laughing and man he is freaking hot. My heart is aching for George. It's too bad he had to shut Izzie up by being really mean, but I understand that he was speaking from a place of true desperation. Plus Izzie will get over it. I felt kind of bad for Callie. She was trying to talk to George about McSteamy, and he freaked out on her. I'm sure she thinks it's because of what she did since she doesn't know what's going on with George's dad and Burke, and that sucks. The scene with her trying to fight Meredith was absolutely fantastic. I loved when Izzie got in between them and was like, "I'm sorry, but she is really little and you're hurting her!" Amazing. I cannot wait to see next week's episode. Seriously you guys-there is no way Burke and Christina will ever get past this, is there? I just don't see how it's possible. So sad.

- I wish I knew what to say about this. But I don't. Except that I will marry this person.

- So my birthday is next week. John asked me what I wanted, and I told him I wanted him to grow a mustache. He decided to do one better. Today is day one of Five Days of Birthday Facial Hair Christmas. You can read about the most amazing birthday present ever given here on his blog (yes he's back).

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Tailgating at OSU in two words: Insane Asylum

Seriously that place is wild. I went there about four years ago for the same game, and that was the year the campus and surrounding areas were completely trashed and set on fire. I did not see any of it because I was too drunk and eating at Cooker and then apparently at a party of which I have no recollection but am told by several eyewitnesses that I was, in fact, in attendance. However, I did see the aftermath of the riots, and it almost made me cry it was so bad. The city was ruined.

Shortly after that, Columbus created some new laws and really started strongly enforcing existing ones to avoid a repeat performance. And except for a few rare cases, it has worked. There are still roughly 12 billion people for every square foot of space, but no one set me on fire or turned over garbage cans. At least not where I could see.

We spent a lot of our time at a friend's giant RV. It sounds trashy, but it was the most beautiful RV I have ever seen. It was nicer than my place. Literally, Matt's apartment is smaller than this RV. It had 3 plasma screens (one facing outward) showing the game in HD, a giant beer fridge that looked like a vending machine and more food than I have ever seen at a tailgate in my entire life. Plus they provided all the drinks and asked for nothing in return. They even had girlie drinks for me. Um-hello. Why haven't I known you all my life.

I have to be honest with you. I was drunk by noon so the whole day was kind of a blur with some particular moments sticking out in my mind. It's hard for me to form a cohesive thought under normal circumstances so trying to come up with a cohesive narrative for Saturday is like asking Colin Farrell to take a shower-it's just not going to happen.

Here are the things I remember most:

- OSU kicking ass. Not once was I nervous that we wouldn't win. I don't know why, but I was very relaxed. It might have had something to do with all the Bacardi Breezers and Downhome Punch running through my veins.

- Within an hour of being at the tailgate, Steph got molested. Here it is in her words: "He stuffed his tongue down my throat within the first hour of the tailgate. Then later he straddled my lap, licked my neck, tried to kiss me and when I turned my head gave me razor burn all over my face and then decided to take off my boot so I could have a foot massage in the RV parking lot. When it was time to go, he had his hand wrapped in my belt to the point that Bob had to pry him off, finger by finger." What a catch! This same person made me drink scotch later on in the night, and as soon as it went down it tried to come back up again. I am truly a disappointment to my father who loves scotch like I love Salt and Vinegar Pringles. He always wanted his girls to do 3 things: drive stickshift, ski and drink scotch. I can do 2 out of the 3. I hope that's good enough, Dad. You still have hope with Diane because she can sip scotch without immediately vomiting. And that's what every father wants for his daughter.

- In the afternoon we walked around near the stadium and it was madness. Some guy walking by Steph handed her his OSU jacket to keep. He said, "Here you go. You can have this." He just gave her his jacket. Upon hearing this story one of her friends was prompted to say, "Do you just walk around with one of your breasts hanging out? Is that how this stuff happens to you?" Truth be told she does not. Though can you imagine what would happen if she did. She could probably quit her job and never have to worry about money again. Men would just buy her everything she needs.

- At one point I was talking to Paul and Matt, and I doubled over in laughter and spilled my full drink all over some little kids. Paul had to cross his legs to keep from peeing his pants.

- In the RV, Drew, Tony and I started talking to this girl we didn't know. Drew and I immediately went into wingman mode, and we were AWESOME. You have never seen wingmaning done with so much deftness. At first I stumbled when she asked how old Tony was and I said 35 as a joke (he has some grey hair). But I quickly recovered, peppering the conversation with great facts about Tony. At one point he left to go to the bathroom and Drew and I started talking about his job. I started gushing about how mysterious and important it was. Listen I don't want to brag, but I was a master. It was as if I was doing exactly what I was born to do: trying to get Tony some action. Truthfully he doesn't really need anyone's help in that arena, but in this case I think Drew and I proved invaluable because a little while later they were making out in the kitchen of the RV in front of everyone. Something else happened in front of everyone that we all missed, but I will not mention it here because it is highly inappropriate. All I'll say is FB.

- On the way back to the car we had to run across the street. Since there was a break in the cars, we took the opportunity and all started running. Suddenly Diane yelled "Curb!" and Bob was flying through the air. He landed hard, sprawled out on his hands and knees. About 5 seconds later, Carrie (Bob's wife) was on the ground on her side. There was a concrete median in the middle of the road, and the only two people who didn't see it were Bob and Carrie, the drunkest couple of them all. I just remember Meg dragging Carrie on the ground by one arm trying to get her out of the street so she wouldn't get run over. And while I probably should have been more scared, I literally couldn't stop laughing. However, just so you don't think I am a horrible person, the cars were pretty far away, and I don't think they were in any real danger. Although laughing at my friends who are bleeding from the knees and can't walk without limping doesn't really make me a nice person, does it. So be it. It was really funny.

- Perhaps my favorite story of the trip is one I didn't witness but heard about just yesterday. Paul, Jen, Tony, Matt, Drew and Gordon went out later on that night. Tony passed out in the car on the way there so they dropped him off at their friend's house rather than waking him up. At 4am he woke up not sure of where he was. He walked out into the living room and saw Matt sleeping on the ground. He went over by him, made himself a little bed and went to sleep. A couple hours later he woke up and Matt was spooning him. He was confused but was too drunk to deal with it so he just went back to sleep. A little while later he woke up again, and Matt was closer and he could tell that Matt was staring at him intently. Tony thought, 'Okay, Matt, I mean I guess it's okay if we cuddle but I'm not going to kiss you.' He spent the next several minutes very uncomfortable and finally was able to roll away. The next morning he woke up and Matt was gone. He told Paul and Jen what happened and how freaked out he was, and they said, "Matt's not even here. He slept at Kurt's house." Yes. Tony spooned and almost made out with a guy he didn't know. I am not doing this story justice in any way, but trust me when I say it was one of the funniest stories I've ever heard.

- Bob called a Blackberry a Cranberry. I know this doesn't seem funny, but I laughed about it for 20 minutes.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I can't leave the E! Online site

I'm supposed to be blogging about tailgating at Ohio State, but I'm having trouble starting. I'll work on that tonight. Also, let's be honest, I'm having trouble seeing past the fact that Katie actually married Tom. I feel like we've lost her completely now. Have you seen pictures of her? She is a shell of her former self. The Joey Potter we all knew and loved is gone, and this pretty cyborg has taken her place. So sad.

I realize I haven't mentioned the Britney and K-Fed divorce, but that's because I lived by the motto: "Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes and Britney is going to divorce K-Fed someday." Seriously. This isn't news. It's what was supposed to happen. If it's true K-Fed found out via text message, that only makes it all the better because of course Britney would dump him via text message. She's a perpetual 12 year old. That's what you do when you're 12-you write a note. Ah Britney, come back to us now please. I need more songs like "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman".

Um you guys should watch the video of Kramer from Seinfeld at one of his stand up gigs going on a racist tirade. He got heckled by some black guys and lost his effing mind. It's insane. Who does he think he is-Mel Gibson? He forgot one key element-he didn't call anyone 'sugartits'. I'm sure it was just an oversight, but it was a costly one if he is trying to one-up Mel. Better luck next time, Kramer.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Thursday shows

*Disclaimer: Don't read if you haven't watched the shows last night.*

The Office
Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. I was so sad last night with the Pam and Jim stuff. She was so excited he was back and was expecting to slip back into the same routine, and he was so uncomfortable and it was so awkward and oh my God it was awful. At the end he told her he was seeing someone-is that true? I didn't realize he and Karen were an item. Was he just saying that? Then when she said, "That's great. We're friends. We'll always be friends." his reaction was weird. I'm not sure what he expected her to say after he told her he was with someone else. It was just so realistic and so horrible. Sarah is sad.

However, the scenes with Andy and Dwight were more than I could have ever wanted. I knew they would either become best friends or enemies, and I was hoping for enemies. Holy crap-genius. Genius!!! And I love the fact that Michael loves Andy. When Jim saw them being friends he gave the camera a look like, "Seems about right." I don't think I can talk about the Night at the Roxbury scene without soiling my underpants so I'll just say that it was one of the best things I've seen on television ever. Um also...World's Best Dad.

I thought Grey's was excellent last night. Poor Meredith's mother. Getting left by the same man all over again. Did you see Meredith's face when the chief told her he couldn't go see her mother anymore. I kept thinking that she must be absolutely furious and terrified to have to tell her and sad for her and yet this guy's her boss so what can she say to him.

The stuff with George's dad was just so incredibly sad. Every time George was on screen last night I was in tears. When he was trying to tell his dad that he had cancer but couldn't do it so he looked at Christina and just silently pleaded with her to tell him, it was too much for me. Heartwrenching. And of course I was crying when Christina told George's dad that he was the best intern and a great man. Which is totally true and one of the reasons I still love this show: at the beginning of the series George is nervous and insecure in his abilities, but throughout the show he is slowly becoming an absolutely wonderful and confident doctor. It's fantastic.

The scenes with Izzie and Alex were great. It's nice to see Izzie have fun again and Alex be human. And he didn't turn into a jerk when she told him she couldn't be with him right now. Okay really she said she couldn't be with him. I added the "right now" as wishful thinking. My point is, he didn't turn into an ahole when he got rejected which is, I think, how Alex normally would have reacted. Instead he understood and he made it okay and safe for her to still count on him as a friend. Our babies are growing up, you guys. Next week looks totally intense. If that scene where blood explodes all over Christina is George's dad I will lose my mind.

My Name is Earl
Okay so not everyone watches this show, and I didn't see last night's episode yet, but I just have to mention that last week I think I saw what I thought was one of the funniest lines on television. Earl is showing his brother Randy this mixed CD that a girl made for him, and he's complaining that it sends mixed messages about how she feels about him.

Earl: "I can't tell what it is she's trying to say here."
Randy: "I know-George Michael with Tom Petty? I mean are we partying or just hanging out?"

Maybe you had to see it, but pop literally came out of my nose. And Russ, the Mr. Roboto and Time After Time scenes were absolutely hysterical. I am loving this show more and more every week.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Office is Super Sized tonight. FYI.

Hey, did you guys see Lost last night?? Oh wait...

Happy Birthday to all my November babies! You're all old.

To those of you that were at Danielle's on Saturday: I'm sorry if you had to see me on my knees in Danielle's kitchen lip synching to JoJo and/or had to listen to me sing karaoke inserting Diane's name into every song just to piss her off because she wanted to leave. Drew, you singing "On Bended Knee" may have been the greatest moment ever.

Um...Jim and Pam: Reunited tonight. I'm freaking out. By the way, last week's episode was amazing. Dwight and Michael chest pumping at the end had me in tears. I will say I thought it was sweet how when Michael thought the branch was closing he was most upset not for himself but for the people in his office and because he thought he was losing his friends. I thought it was a great little character development. It came up again when Jim made the comment in reference to his new boss leaving, "Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that." Michael's an effing moron, but he's not an asshole. Also, two weeks ago-Jim getting on his bike and immediately falling into the bushes was amazing. Let's all cross our fingers that crazy guy at Jim's new office who calls him Big Tuna comes to Scranton. I need to see him and Dwight interact. I need it.

I got a new cell phone last night. I can't stop playing with it. I consider myself fiscally irresponsible, and last night was proof of that. I walked into the store determined of several things:

1. I was not going to stay more than 30 minutes.
2. I was there only for information gathering. I was only going to ask questions, not get a phone.
3. If by some chance I did get a phone, I was not going to go over the $100 credit I had. This, I was sure, would be the easiest of the three. I mean all I needed was a regular phone.

Here, in a nutshell, is what transpired last night:

Him: "So can I help you?"
Me: "Okay so here's the deal. I want a new phone. The reason I want a new phone is because I want to be able to download ringers that are the real songs rather than ringers that sound like someone created them in their parents' basement on a Casio."
Him: "Oookaaay..."
Me: "Um also I have to be able to take funny pictures of my friends and send them to people."
Him: "Okay well this phone you're standing by does that."
Me: "Yeah this is the one my sister has. Can I get real ringers on it?"
Him: "Yes. Also you can get [insert sales pitch of all the wonderful accessories available with this phone]."
Me: "No thank you, sir. I have $100 credit toward a phone and will not be going over that!"

I left an hour and a half later after spending an extra $100 on Bluetooth technology. What? Hands free? I don't even need hands free. I make fun of people with hands free. Now I am one? It was $60 for the basic headset, a car charger and a case. But I spent $80. Why? Because I wanted the blue one. Seriously. $20 for a color. Then I spent an extra $10 just to not have to mail in a rebate form for the phone. That is how lazy I am. When I got into the car afterwards I was like, 'What the hell just happened? I miserably failed at all 3 of my goals tonight.' But my new phone is awesome. I'm just trying to decide what ringtone to download first. Any suggestions?

P.S. My dad ended up paying the extra $20 for the blue headset as an early birthday present to me. What a jerk.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

We are not the champions

Well, I know you're all wondering so I'll tell you: Our football team, Yes I'm Still Drunk, did not make it further than round one of the playoffs. I'm sorry for all of you that put your hopes and dreams and any large wagers on the success of our team. We went 5-3 in our regular season this time. That, compared to other seasons, is a miracle. We suck. We never win. But for some reason we did well this season. Who are we, the Saints?

Saturday was round one of the playoffs where, as I already mentioned, we did not win. It really wouldn't have mattered anyway because we were going to forfeit next week to go tailgating at Ohio State. How we weren't able to pull it together to bring home a W with this level of commitment is a mystery. But all was not lost-Diane did get in a fight and punch a girl. It was fantastic. I normally don't condone violence as a means of solving problems between two people unless those two people are Jack and BenHenry, but this girl really had it coming. I'll just say that Diane ended up with scratches, a headache and a fat lip during the course of normal play. During recreation football. Not. Cool. Listen up, girl who looks young from behind but is actually very old, you're a hor-bitch, and I hope next week someone clotheslines your sorry ass.

Other highlights:
- During a huddle, Drew pointed to Gordo's crotch and said, "Look at Gordo's penis." And Gerbs said, "I'm not getting in the huddle anymore."
- At the bar afterward, somehow through a series of events I don't fully understand, these two phrases ended up written on the window in the steam:

"Steph wants to get lucky."
"Christy wants cock."

Two guys walked up to our group, looked at the window and this conversation took place:
2 Guys: "So which ones are Steph and Christy?"
S&C: "We are."
2G: "Great. We like baby seals, walks in the park and listening."

Hi. Best. Pickup line. Ever.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

February? Seriously!?

*Don't read if you didn't watch Lost last night.*

Lost was amazing and infuriating last night. I just cannot deal with Kate and Sawyer. I really can't. Did you see Jack's face when they brought Kate in to see him? Did you see it!? He was so happy. He loves her. That exchange between them was so lovely. When she asked him how he was doing and he smiled and said, "I'm great." and it was so obvious that the words that he wanted to say next but didn't were "Now that you're here". I was a puddle of goo.

Oh man then his face when he saw her and Sawyer together. I could hear his heart breaking through the television. And he decided to do the surgery-just for her. And now he's threatening to kill BenHenry-for her. I mean there is no way The Others will let him go after this. Even if he saves BenHenry, the fact that he pulled this stunt has pretty much sealed his fate with them, and he knows that. But he's still doing it. It's all for Kate. Oh my God he's so in love with her I can't stand it. Damn you, Kate! Damn you, Lost writers!

Best Boo-ya Moment of 2006:
Jack tells BenHenry he won't do the surgery.

BenHenry: Well, Jack, I'm disappointed in your decision.
Jack: Well, Ben, at least you won't have to be disappointed for long.

Oh no he didn't! Awesome.

I don't think I can wait until February. Seriously.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Go vote today. They give you stickers.

- Someone got to my blog the other day by searching on "pooping my pants"

- So how severe do you think my punishment would be if, hypothetically, it was discovered I was watching TV shows on the Internet at work? Hypothetically. Nothing about this question is based in reality or should suggest to you that this is an activity I partake in in any way. I'm just asking, out of curiosity, what would happen if my boss caught me watching online episodes of The Office or Jericho. Hmm? [Insert nervous laughter here]

- So Bob Barker is finally retiring. I think he has to or else CBS risks him dying on live television. I notice that his birthday is very close to mine. We are turning roughly the same age this year.

- There's a new girl who sits in the cube in front of me at work. I walked in this morning giving off the "don't effing talk to me" vibe as usual, and I was setting up my laptop when her head popped over the wall, and she said in a loud upbeat voice, "Hello! Good morning!! My name's Linda!*" Holy crap, Linda. Do you not know what time it is. Nobody is supposed to talk to me until after, like, lunch. Especially when they are cheerful like you. Didn't you see me ignore G when he said hi to me? And he is my own co-worker. Oh well. She's new. She didn't know, you guys. She seems really, really nice. It's too bad I'll have to destroy her.

- Does it make me a bad citizen if I went to vote today and there were about 35 things on the ballot and I voted on, like, 8? If I don't know who someone is or what something's about, I just don't vote on it. I really wish I could write in my own choices for those ones:

  • Yes
  • No
  • WTF

*Not her real name.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Halloween 2006

So I didn't tell anyone about my Halloween this year. Maybe that's because I was drunk for most of it. Thursday we had pumpkin carving at Danielle's house. There were only five of us there-four participating (Sharda's lame). Here is the final product:

From left to right: Danielle, Diane, me, Meg, Meg

Danielle carved that mouth freehand and in like 20 milliseconds. You can't really see Meg's first one, and that's because it's not a real pumpkin. It's some kind of fake pumpkin you can buy at a craft store and carve it. That's just utterly ridiculous, but it worked nonetheless. However, we wouldn't let her put a real candle in it. Halloween's fun but not when your house is on fire. You can't really tell what Diane's is from this picture. She missed out last year so she dove in this year and was a little too overzealous. It's some kind of pattern of like 7 pumpkin faces within a pumpkin. It took her 3 times as long as every once else. I tried to remind her of our family motto (Aim Lower), but she wouldn't listen. By the way that's not really our family motto. My parents would not be happy with me if they thought I told the whole Internet that they encouraged us to always set our goals for the bare minimum. No that's just my motto. I came up with it on my own when I realized I was a lazy piece of crap.

The other significant thing about this night was that I baked a pumpkin spice cake...and NOTHING CAUGHT ON FIRE! I know-it's a miracle. It was actually pretty good, and it went over well with the boys the next night. So you see, I am not completely useless as previously thought.

Friday we went to a party at Tara and Steve's where I told everyone I was not going to drink then proceeded to get completely smashed and yell "You jackin' it?" over and over to this kid who came dressed as Carl Monday. Unfortunately for me (and him), he hadn't seen The Daily Show clip I was referencing. That really didn't stop me, though. D and I dressed as...oh man. I really don't even want to tell you it's so lame. Okay we went dressed as Vulcans. From Star Trek. Seriously. See we went to the costume store to find costumes and couldn't find anything but these stupid Star Trek shirts. The comfort of such a costume was overwhelmingly appealing to us (the tops were fleece) so we bought these vulcan ears that were bright orange and just went for it. It was ridiculous. Though the ears were funny.

Saturday night we went to ALoyd's house for his annual party dressed as ourselves from high school. Diane had on her volleyball jersey, warmup pants, ribbon made of our high school colors in her ponytail and prom queen tiara. She was all self conscious about the crown thinking people would think she was being a snob, but we convinced her to wear it. Then we called her a snob for rubbing it in our faces.

I was sporting my Strongsville Mustangs t-shirt and ever present flannel. I had one in my closet that Diane had tried to get rid of, but I took it back without her noticing. I also braided my hair when it was wet and let it sit all day so it would look like I had a perm and then I put it up in a scrunchie. And also...okay it's confession time. For my freshman and sophomore year, I had a tail. A tail, you guys. From behind my right ear. I was not the only one-all my friends got them, too. Though it's true-I hung onto mine a little bit longer than everyone else. I used to braid it and PUT BEADS AT THE BOTTOM. Holy crap, how did I even have boyfriends? Anyway on Saturday I recreated the tail, and I have to say-taking it out was hard. Then I remembered the episode of "Friends" when Monica gets braids all over her hair, and I realized it was a slippery slope so for the second time in 13 years (holy shit), I let go of the tail.

The only thing inaccurate about my outfit was that in high school I wore sandals everyday. It didn't matter what the weather was, it was always sandals. On Saturday, in my advancing age, I thought to myself, 'You were a fucking moron in high school (tail). No need to recreate that.' so I wore tennis shoes. Then D and I topped off our outfits with some buttons with our pictures on them and our letter jackets. Then they played "Hey Jealousy" at the party, and my costume was complete. I was me in high school. Only incredibly more drunk.

And just a couple notes on trick or treating:
- I am scared of junior high and high school kids.
- One kid called Diane ma'am.

I hope everyone had a happy Halloween!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Re: last night's Lost

Oh no. They. Didn't.

*Stop reading if you haven't seen it.*

Eko?! My beautiful strong built-like-a-brick-shithouse Eko?!? NO!!! Come on he stared down the smoke before. Stared it down! Not to mention he was hot and strong. He was an important part of the castaways. He brought an important element to the mix-spirituality. Locke is the only other one who, unbelievably, has a spiritual side, and I'm not sure his hasn't completely broken at this point. Holy Christ this hurts, Lost writers.

I mean the episode started off very strong with Jack taking off his shirt. I think they put that scene in there after the uproar (by me) from last season's finale when the 3 guys went out to the boat and Jack was the only one who didn't take his shirt off. So I mean they made up for it last night and that was awesome. It's possible I rewound it a couple of times. I'm just saying.

But oh my God the stuff with BenHenry, Juliette and Jack. What the eff is going on! Did you see BenHenry's face when Jack called him out on his tumor and told him he was basically a dead man walking? Fear. Complete fear. I'll tell you what-BenHenry is creepy as all get out, but the actor who plays him may be one of the best actors I've ever seen. By the way-I like how BenHenry's like, "Hey so I know we kidnap all your friends and run experiments and torture them and stuff, but um could you do this one surgery and save my life? I'll let you have a hamburger and watch cartoons in your prison cell." How about no.

Then the thing with Juliette and the video. Holy crap I was losing my mind. I told you she would break! Who knows what is real. BenHenry and Juliette could be conning Jack again I guess, but I hope not. The only reason I don't think it's a con is remember the beginning of this season? Juliette is staring in the mirror and crying then she forces herself to get ready. Then she has book club (seriously-book club?) and doesn't invite him. So there's dissent amongst The Others. It's delicious. I'm seriously flipping out right now.

Can we talk about how Eko made that big awesome speech to his brother about how he confesses to sins he's proud he committed, and then his brother was like, "You talk to me as if I'm your brother." Uh, I'm sorry what? Who are you! I think that all this supernatural stuff and the giant Eko-killing smoke are not being controlled by The Others. I think it's the reason they are not living on that island themselves.

Also-creepy one-eye-eye-patch guy. Yeah that guy's clearly crazy. And here is why I like Locke-he's smiling. He's smiling even though he knows that guy is coming for them. He's smiling because he's knows they are onto something. Dammit Locke is fantastic.

Best ending to a show ever: "He said we're next." I had chills.

Look Lost writers, you guys are really sending me mixed signals of how you feel about me. I mean you give me these amazing scenes with Jack's shirtless body, BenHenry and Juliette, and you write an incredible ending but then you kill off Eko and I see the previews for next week. Oh yeah-don't think I didn't see the goddamn previews. Sawyer and Kate having sex? SAWYER AND KATE HAVING SEX!? I read somewhere before the season started that Kate would finally choose. This is not who she was supposed to choose!! Man this is just like "Felicity" when Felicity ended up with Ben instead of Noel. I mean it was a fine choice but not the right choice. Oh well. It's about time someone got some action on this island again. Also even though I don't want Sawyer and Kate together, Sawyer's one of my favorites, and if they kill him off, ABC will be getting a nasty letter from Sarah. That is for sure.