Friday, April 13, 2007

See me talk about more than just TV. But then also TV.

Note to self: Maybe going on and on about how jealous you are of your dad that he doesn't have to go to work anymore isn't the best idea when you are talking to your boss' boss and the senior vice president of your entire department. It doesn't really shout "committed to my job" quite like you think it does.

Note to Joe Francis: Karma's a bitch.

Russ asked for my reaction to this article, "50 Things She Wishes You Knew: Universal truths that all men should--but don't--understand". I have to say in all honesty, the author is right on for most of this. However, like I do for most things in life, I have some comments (in green):

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you. Turned on? That's a little misleading. I'm in a cubicle for most of the day. I don't get turned on in a cubicle. However, getting an email from a guy I like does make me happy, and it's hard to stop smiling. But it's difficult to get turned on when you are sitting 10 feet away from someone with a "Don't talk to me until I've had my first cup of coffee!" mug.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick. So do Salt & Vinegar Pringles. And cooking me dinner.

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast money.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes. Oh come on, lady. This is bullshit, and you know it.

30. I want to be Madonna. This may have been true in 1987. Now I want to be Hilary Duff.

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers. For the author: Gross? For the men: Seriously wash your hands after you pee. We've talked about this.

41. I love it when you're sweaty. Except for your pit stains.

42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas. But if you call your female friends "gal pals" you and I have bigger problems.

44. I like porn. And by porn I mean McSteamy in an impossibly tiny bath towel.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands. But he's starting to get heavy and he smells like cheap wine. Ooh-obvious joke. Shame on me.

Lost
Okay, guys, is there any doubt left that Juliet is a lying whore? Seriously. Huge surprise that the whole thing was a plan for her to infiltrate the group. As if it wasn't completely obvious last week. JACK, YOU ARE AN EFFING MORON. I'm so sick of this chick getting all the screen time while our original Losties are just bit players now. Can we get some more Sun and Jin, please? Where the hell is Rose and Bernard? I don't have time for this Juliet bullcrap. It's not like we're actually going to learn anything from her because as previously mentioned once or twice-lying whore.

So many gag me moments on Wednesday.

Jack: Leave her alone. She's under my protection. GAG

Jack: You're one of us. GAG

Jack and Juliet making googly eyes at each other while she's putting up her tent. GAAAAAAAAG.

Look I actually started to feel bad for her this episode. Clearly she's not inherently a bad person. She's being kept prisoner on this island without any contact with her family and was given an impossible task as her only hope of going home (healing those women who keep losing their babies). But all that means is that she is desperate to leave and will do absolutely anything to get the hell off that island which makes her extremely dangerous. She doesn't care who she hurts. She just wants to go home. Part of me honestly can understand it. The other part of me is like, "Yeah kill off the whore."

Will she throw our Losties-and Jack's heart-under the bus? Or will she decide that truly becoming a part of them is her best chance at going home? Who knows. But for now she needs to get out of my face.

Also in the previews Kate's making out with Sawyer. Sarah. Not. Happy.

The Office
Holy cripes. First of all I love that Jim and Pam were bonding again. Also I'm so happy Andy is back and is unsuccessfully trying to get people to call him Drew. Ed Helms is brilliant. Dwight shunning him is even more brilliant. Especially when anytime he has something to say to him he says, "Unshun". Flipping fantastic. Toby discussing the dangers of carpal tunnel and eye strain was priceless. And I seriously can't believe Michael called that Madge lady Pudge. I loved all the betting that was going on especially when Ryan got Kelly to explain how Netflix works. And additionally how in the same conversation Pam won money because Kelly said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim won because she mentioned 6 romantic comedies. Honestly I can't deal with how genius this writing is. Don't even get me started on Stanley's car with the watermelon. Jesus H. I think I pulled something in my stomach I was laughing so hard. I love Michael, "Find out who's car that is. If it's Stanley's call the offices of James P. Albini. See if he handles hate crimes."

Other highlights:

- Replacing Creed's apple with a potato and he doesn't even notice

- Dwight: Unshun. I need a favor.
Andy: Anything.
Dwight: Calm down.

- Jim: Dwight says that he doesn't know one single thing about bears.
Dwight: No. Tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim!
Jim: Andy... It's too far.
Dwight: Damn you.

- Dwight, you ignorant slut.

- Darryl: It takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you.

- Darryl: You braveheart, man.
Michael: I braveheart.

- Michael: I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But yes.

And the best line on 30 Rock:

Jack to Liz: Lemon, I'm going to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.

8 comments:

russ said...

New Lost development of note -- Juliet busting out all over. Do they call them "The Others" or "The Udders"? Maybe we just misheard all this time.

Russ' storytelling spidey-sense tells him that Jack's attitude will win her over since she should know that in the end Ben cannot be trusted.

Skeezix said...

The office really made me want to throw a watermellon off the roof onto a trampoline.

I also love this line:

Michael is going to actually kill himself by pretending to kill himself.

And the recap of Andy punching a hole in the wall is always good for laughs.

urban princess said...

Yes, McSteamy in an impossibly small towel is hot. So hot it hurts me. I'm pretty sure Leah hates it that I say "HOT" everytime he shows up on the screen. He's so hot that if I met him in real life I'd immediately become the dumbest woman on the planet.

Johnny Virgil said...

i can't believe you left out creed finding the castle because he was pissing in the bushes.

Sassy Blondie said...

Sarah, you totally called it with Juliet. I have to say, my distrust of her is/was pretty strong, but I like you started to feel sorry for her with the flashbacks and such. Good freakin' God they are making Jack an idiot being led by his johnson! And Kate and Sawyer part two? I think I might cry...what about Jack and Kate?? I too am ready for more of our originals...and the backstory on who the hell Ben really is!

The Office...what more can I say? Effing brilliant as usual. My fave part was definitely Creed pissing in the bushes and all the wagering. Classic!

And frankly, Sarah, there is really only one important thing I wish he knew...

Lindystar said...

#24 - You're such an awesome hor.
But you forgot to add the pay scale.

If he doesn't get your rocks off that's triple.

If he gets them off just o.k. that's time and a half.

If he doesn't go lingual it's regular pay but your not coming back.

Lindystar said...

Ok I forgot something, that bullshit of an excuse that made me think that Greys was really going to be on last night was F***ed up.

I don't need a recap. I need new shows and on a regular G-D basis you freaking bitch, asshat, pendejo, used condom fuckers.

K that's it.

Love your post. :)

Sgt said...

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick. So do Salt & Vinegar Pringles. And cooking me dinner.

I hope the Pringles are for you... cause if that was all in combination... well that infection one comes to mind.