Monday, June 20, 2005

I am alive

Oh my God, you guys-moving sucks. I'm sorry I have been away the past few days, but I have been busy packing and moving. Also I didn't have an internet connection. After suffering severe blogging withdrawal symptoms, I decided I had to find a way to post something so here I am. Let me recap the past few days for you. I shall do so through a series of letters.

Dear Irene Cara,
I am so happy you won "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Too bad I FUCKING MISSED IT!!!! Goddammit! I was too busy packing, and we had to unhook my TV to get it all ready for the movers on Friday, and just--I don't even want to talk about it. I am so upset. I hope you know I was with you in spirit even though I couldn't physically be there. And by "physically be there" I mean sitting on my couch watching you through a satellite feed.

Dear Internet,
I am hoping they will rerun this last episode like they did the first two. If that happens, you can expect a recap at that time. I'm sorry I let you down.

Dear movers (Joey, Frank and Greg),
Thanks for moving my furniture and not breaking anything. You guys rule and quite possibly have the worst job ever known to man. Frankie, cut your hair.

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for helping me move the rest of my stuff. You are all amazing, and I love you very much. I had so much fun eating pizza and making fun of John's vasectomy with you.
Sidenote to Gerbs: Thanks for showing up right in time for the pizza then putting away my DVDs and taking off. Your generosity knows no bounds.
Sidenote to Matt and Jace: Any CDs you guys stole, I want them back immediately, or I will press charges.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thanks so much for everything you have done for me the past few weeks/months. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. You are amazing.

Dear new potential neighbor,
I didn't know that guys who are that hot actually exist in real life. Please for the love of God move in by me, and let us start the greatest love affair of all time. Or at least let's make out.

Dear God,
Seriously let that guy move in by me, and help a sista out.

Dear friends again,
I hope you all can understand that moving is stressful, and that after all of that stress a girl needs to have a few drinks. I realize that I had enough drinks for 4 full grown adults, but I was celebrating 4 different special events: 1. Kim's birthday, 2. My new condo, 3. Steph's new car, 4. John getting his nizzies whacked. The high points of Saturday night were very high, but the low points were very, very low (giving Jace zerberts in the middle of the dance floor, lifting up Jace's shirt...really all the low points involved Jace--sorry, Jacie. I hope this won't make things awkward for when you marry my mom.).

Dear Dad,
Happy Father's Day, Daddy. You are the best dad in the whole world. Thanks for doing all the "Dad" stuff and always making sure I am safe and sound even when I'm not living with you. The only way I can truly express how I feel about you is by giving you this Portable Powerpack. I love you!

Dear anonymous commenter who wrote this,
"How, I wonder, do people such as you (seem to be from the things you write) even have, get or borrow the resources needed for a "new house"? You've got a new house and you (reportedly) do what you describe here—"Diane, sorry you had to drive Drew and my drunk asses home Saturday night, and sorry we were singing Christmas carols out the windows at people on the street." ?"
1 - Eff you.
2 - Prostitution.

12 comments:

Matt said...

A) Never! Besides, it'll take you so long to go through and double check that Diane and I can spell - you'll never know what CDs are gone. Its a brilliant plan.

B) You were drunk Saturday? I didn't seem to notice. Must have been the white russians.

C) So, prostitution bought the condo? Does that mean I own half of it in some twisted legal way? Steph, look into that.

Gordon said...

You were drunk on Saturday? I didn't notice either. Oh wait, that's because I was friggin incoherent....

~jess~ said...

I love your letter posts.

Also, I so hope that guy moves in beside you. Mostly so that you can spy on him and take dirty pictures to post on the internet... *crosses fingers*

russ said...

Sad to say, Irene Cara was truly terrible. The whole HMBOMT show was very lack-luster, despite the genius of HoJo. It was prolly worth watching to see what a spaced out hippie Sophie B Hawkins is, but that's about it. Cameo didn't sell their stuff, Wang Chung, the less said the better. I was pulling for Howard Jones, and he prolly had the best performances, but he was sitting at a piano the whole time. Irene was the only one slightly entertaining to watch, then she brought out her group "The Pointer Sisters", err, I mean "Hot Caramel" to back her up. They were ok on their own but didn't harmonize well.

Sorry to say, her performance won on the curve, but was no better than a C+.

Scott said...

Where on earth does anonymous live that you can't even go out on Saturday nights and still buy things? Anonymous, finish high school and maybe you'll get that promotion at Taco Bell you've been wanting.

Johnny Virgil said...

Welcome home!

"AG" said...

Moving is the worst, and I did it about 3,249 times between going to school, moving, marring a Marine, etc. I really hope that hot guy moves in.

John said...

Yeah I wasn't really shopping for a house in your neighborhood I was just taking a walk.

Golightly said...

Congrats on the move!

Public Frog said...

Hey, I'm glad you found "anonymous" there at my blog! Somebody I know from a message board, and he followed me over.

Anyway, I posted this in my comments, too, but I'll spam it here as well: Ol' Anon tends to scold people who take life too lightly. Drunkenness and television-watching are right out.

"Seriously guys-blogs are a small window into a person's life. All content is completely controlled by the writer which means you know about me what I want you to know about me."

Yep, true, and I can testify. Thanks for stopping by! I do enjoy peeking in your e-window.

ThatGirl7278 said...

I'm so jealous of you Sarah. I want an a-hole "anonymous" commentor on my blog. All I ever get are "you're so funny" or "will you marry me?" and "I'll be your Sugar Daddy"-type posts. Damnit.

Anonymous said...

Well, you know how to get to Carnegie Hall, right?

Keep practicing and maybe one of these days you'll have your very own "a-hole" anonymous poster replying to your vapid running commentary.

Remember, though, patience is a virtue. You know what a virtue is, right?

Until then, désolé, I'm fully booked from now until Bastille Day, 2068.

Bonne chance.