You know what's so awesome about a brand spanking new house? No problems. Oh except for the leak in my garage floor and the leak from my furnace which is coming into my downstairs bathroom. But other than that...it's great.
Okay what? What is the goddamn deal? Neither problem is very serious, but they are both seriously annoying. Especially considering IT'S A NEW FUCKING HOUSE!
According to my dad, these types of problems are pretty common even with new houses. Hmm..somehow that doesn't make me less pissed. Oh well-I'm meeting Bob the repair guy today on my lunch break (cool way to spend a lunch break), and hopefully he can fix me all up then we can date and then he can move to Baltimore.
Some quick apologies:
Diane, sorry you had to drive Drew and my drunk asses home Saturday night, and sorry we were singing Christmas carols out the windows at people on the street.
Jace/Renee, sorry I bought too many martinis and amaretto sours and didn't have enough money to cover my part of the check thereby resulting in one of you paying for me. I'm not sure who it was that actually put in money for me, but I owe one of you.
Kim, sorry I totally nailed you in the forehead with my chair-in-a-bag. I feel awful-especially now that it's red and swollen. No it looks good, though.
New guy at work who is French, sorry your accent makes you sound gay. I mean maybe you are and that's absolutely fine, but if you're not no one will ever know. That sucks, mon ami.
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OKay, I swear to God, I am taking a vacation to Cleveland
"I am taking a vacation to Cleveland."
Words no one has ever spoken before.
There's a whole (ok, half of a) movie about a vacation to Cleveland.
C'mon.
My favorite part of that plot summary is "the wastelands of Cleveland ". Obviously the write has never been to Cleveland because he/she would have known that all of Cleveland is a wasteland.
Sarah, there's a lot of stuff that has to go together just right to make a house stand up. A few little incidents aren't too bad. And look at it this way, they're fixing it, you don't have to worry about a thing, don't have to pay somebody to come in and fix it and just get to order them around. It'll be great.
How, I wonder, do people such as you (seem to be from the things you write) even have, get or borrow the resources needed for a "new house"? You've got a new house and you (reportedly) do what you describe here—"Diane, sorry you had to drive Drew and my drunk asses home Saturday night, and sorry we were singing Christmas carols out the windows at people on the street." ?
By the way, didn't you know: _all_ french people _are_ gay. If they weren't, then why do you suppose they talk with that funny accent?
What you've got to explain to your new work-mate is that here, in America, his accent is going to be a dead give-away !
You might suggest that he try to explain it to others there as simply a birth defect (maybe wear a button to that effect), not something that means what you recognize it obviously indicates.
He'll be very grateful that you took such an interest. Okay seriously he will.
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