Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I'm an ass and there are pictures to prove it

I was going through pictures last night looking for some good ones for my collage frames, and I came across these pictures from when a huge group of us went up to the Post-Gazette Pavilion in Pittsburgh to see Jimmy Buffet. There is one picture in particular that caught my eye that will never be making it into any collage ever. Let me explain. I am not a Jimmy Buffet fan. I really don't like his music besides "Margaritaville" and that song about the cheeseburger. But I am a huge fan of Jimmy Buffet concerts. If you have never been, you really should make an effort to go. Buffet fans are CRAZY. I've never seen a group of drunker people ever.

I just want to mention that I love watching concerts at the Post-Gazette Pavilion. They let you in really early to tailgate, and the cops don't give a rat's behind about people drinking. They only care that you're not using cans or bottles. In fact they drive around handing out plastic cups. How awesome is that!?

Anyway, nobody tailgates like Buffet fans. When we went we did the usual tailgating behavior: cooked some burgers, drank some alcohol, played some Flip Cup, took pictures of a paper parrot in some questionable poses. The entire week before the concert, the entire drive to the concert and the entire day leading up to the concert, Gerbs kept talking about how he had a first aid kit in his car. See, the year before when we went there for Poison, my sister broke her foot (more on that another day) so Gerbs was convinced we needed a first aid kit. He was so proud of himself for bringing it. I told him if he mentioned the phrase "first aid kit" again I would smack him.

Toward the end of tailgating when we were getting ready to pack up and go, I decided, quite logically, that I would ram people with my head-you know just to see what would happen. It's possible I was slightly inebriated and may have just woken up after passing out while in the middle of sipping a drink through a straw. Anyway, I decided to run full force into Al to try and knock him over. I backed up, got a running start and slammed into Al...who didn't even move an inch. Unfortunately for me, the laws of physics meant that since Al didn't move, I did. I fell backwards-hard. I landed on my ass and sat there laughing for a while. Someone immediately took a picture and then I started feeling some stinging on my legs. "My leg stings," I said. I heard Gerbs shout, "I'll get the first aid kit!" Then all the guys ran over to help me up. They were semi-freaking out, and I was like, "Whoa, my babies, it's okay. I just fell." Turns out I didn't just fall. I fell into a pile of hot, burning coals. They had just been dumped out of the grill we were using to make hamburgers.

By the time I got up, Gerbs was standing there with his First Aid kit. He looked so excited. I could tell he was looking for damage to my body so he could use some gauze or something. "Too bad, Gerbs! I'm fine!", I said, still laughing like the moronic drunk girl I was. Then Renee said, "Holy shit what is wrong with your hand?" I looked, "Ooh that looks bad" I said. I had landed with almost all of my weight (and that's a lot) onto my left hand. It was bleeding and actually had little rocks stuck in it. It sounds grosser than it looked. Just kidding-it was totally disgusting. Gerbs immediately handed the first aid kit to someone else. "Hey-I bought the damn thing. That's as helpful as I get. You guys do it." Thanks, Gerbs.

Seven girls immediately swarmed around my hand and starting cleaning it and picking out rocks. They kept telling me to try and concentrate on something else so I wouldn't feel the pain, but I was too busy trying to kick my friend Mike and steal his potato chips to even notice that I had a hand. I ended up having to wear these big bandages on my hand for a week, and my leg was a little burnt, but whatever. Someone somewhere has a picture of me sitting in a pile of coals wearing a visor that lights up and a t-shirt that says "Get leid island style" with both hands over my head doing the "I love you"/"[80's band] fucking rocks!" hand signal. That's worth a little pain.

9 comments:

Matt said...

That was the most disappointing, shitty comment I have ever read after reading such a hilarious rendition of a past life changing experience. That past commenter sucks a lot.

Sarah, stop reading now. What do I have to do to get ahold of that picture - the possibilities after acquisition are priceless. Sarah, you can read again now. I'm convinced that you have one of the most hilarious and random lives of anyone I've ever met. Well, not that random I guess...90% of the time the stories involve some sort of alcohol...so they all have a common thread.

russ said...

Wanna freak out a little about the Lost Shark?

Sarah said...

OMG, RUSS, I KNOW!!! I was just told about this on Friday. What is going on????

ORF said...

I have that t-shirt!

And sharks have "tails" not "tales."

russ said...

Dude, when was the last time you talked to a shark.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I think it's cool that you're a head-butter.

Rock on.

babyjewels said...

That was just a great f*cking story. You may want to start carrying your own first aid kit, though.

Mon said...

Always a good story from a Buffet Concert! Greetings fellow Parrothead!

Beebers said...

wow, smoldering coals! i've fallen down drunk a lot... er, couple of times, but never into anything on fire. kudos - that's impressive!