Monday, October 17, 2005

Player

You guys, I totally scored this weekend. I know-I can't believe it either. It was, I'm sad to say, long overdue. And man was it satisfying. All I had to do is open myself up to receive, and then I did. I mean I wasn't expecting to score this weekend, but it happened-right there in front of all my friends.

I got a touchdown.

We won our football game by 31 points, and I got 7 of them. The moment was almost marred when I spiked the ball, and it bounced back up and almost hit me in the face. Thankfully I caught it before any damage was inflicted. Even though I need to work on my spiking skills, I am clearly an awesome football player, and I think it's time for me to renegotiate my contract. If I don't get what I want from Yes, I'm Still Drunk (our football team), I am willing to go free agent next year.

P.S. I formally submit for nomination for the Worst Invention in the World award the yogurt smoothie. Because the only thing worse than eating yogurt is drinking it.

6 comments:

Gordon said...

Wow...I'd say you need to turn off Anonymous comments, but then Steph wouldn't be able to say something moderately useless. But the spamming comments are really getting annoying. But maybe I can learn more about private road construction and do it as a science fair project.
Also, you can't be a free agent, you signed a lifetime contract that night you left your credit card at Velvet Dog. Sorry

[drowninginjello] said...

I second your nomination! I don't even think they should be allowed to call them smoothies, because other smoothies actually taste good. Yogurt snot is more like it.

Oh, that girl. said...

Hey, I got so excited for you, and then wham, not at as excited for you. YOu know its all about sex with me. And it was especially great when you mentioned you might be an exhibitionist...but NO! You have to let me down. Now you must post pictures of your boobies to make up for it. Third on the yogurt thing though, yucky.

Still wanting to make out with you,

Min Pin Momma

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Hey, I'm adding you to my fantasy football team!

John said...

you totally outplayed Randy Moss this week. Fucking Moss. Every year he kills me. Next week Sarah is starting for the Shop Dungs in the Poor White Trash league. There's no way you can do worse than Moss..... effing Moss.

diane said...

Hey John...

since you agree that randy moss sucks balls this week, let's not count your win over me in fantasy football. Thanks.