Thursday, August 11, 2005

I'm a salad machine

Update on my diet: I want to thank my friends, family and everyone who reads this for their advice and well wishes. I kicked total ass on my diet yesterday, and since I have absolutely no willpower, I can only conclude that Day 1 was successful because of you guys. You're all awesome. Yogurt is not. Celery with low-fat peanut butter is.

I think I found a great way to work out on my drive in to work: listen to "Photograph" by Def Leppard over and over and over at maximum volume. It gets your heart rate up and your adrenaline pumping. There's no way you're not burning calories when you're listening to a song that rocks so effing hard.

I have no ideas for a cohesive post today so here is some random shit:

I punched myself in the face this morning.

My dad rules because he spent 3 hours helping me hang pictures last night. They are heavy and I am dumb and lacking power tools so my dear old dad came over to help me. They look awesome and so effing level I could just cry. I love you, Dad!

My mom rules and is kind of annoying because she has been harping on me for a year and a half to go get tested for hypothyroid, and finally I went so she would shut the hell up. When the doctor asked me why I was there I said, "I gotta be honest, Doc, I'm here for one reason: so my mom will leave me the eff alone." He laughed really hard and did a blood test. A week later I was started on hypothyroid medication. Goddammit, Pam. Why do you know everything!? Thanks for diagnosing me with significant health problems twice this year (gallstones, hypothyroidism). I love you.

Miss Teen Ohio won Miss Teen USA. I'm sorry, but she is effing hot. We know how to grow 'em.

Steve Karsay is back in the majors. Maybe it's because he's totally fucking awesome and hot. Oh for those of you that don't know this already, I LOVE STEVE KARSAY AND WILL HAVE HIS BABIES. I mean if his wife doesn't mind.

The other day on the escalator a lady walked up to Derek and shoved the plastic bag she was holding at him. "Here hold this, dear. I want to show you how heavy it is. It's 60 pounds. You tell Diana Ross and the Supremes that I read my books." Holy awesome crazy lady, Batman.


Anonymous said...

I read your link to Miss Teen USA. Did you see the runner-up was Michigan. Yeah it was! Ohio kicks Michigan's butt, as it should be. I'm ready for football season. Bring it!

Oh...was that not the point of your blog today? sorry. -steph

Violet said...

Good job on the salad thing! You rock. And I think I love the lady on the escalator!

Stumpy McShortness said...

..sounds like Mom missed her calling.. she should be a Doctor!!

Yamell said...

All of you funny ass people need to move to Las Vegas and be my friends. :-) I've also asked Ellen and the cast of Friends. Maybe you can all rent a moving truck together to make things easier.

Oh, that girl. said...

I really want to make out with Miss Teen Ohio! Really really bad! She was really really got! Oh, and yes, mom's are always right. Its really effing anoying.

Rob Seifert said...

Congrats on the diet success. I too have been dodging a trip to the doctor for some time now despite the nagging of my mom, sister, and wife. Somehow it feels like if you ignore it, there's no problem. But yes, I'll go. grr.


John said...

holy crap check this out

I need new pants

danielle said...

holy shit. this is your greatest post of my entire freaking life. 1. i listen to photograph on repeat at full steam in the car too. 2. you shut your damn mouth. i'll have steve's babies. 3.holy eff, how did i miss this derek elevator thing.

Kels said...

Okay HOW white are Miss Ohio's teeth??? They look like chicklets covered in vaseline.

I feel you on the salad thing. Today I will be having a salad as well. The only interesting thing in this salad will be raisins. Yes. Raisins.