Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Does every junior high kid suck?

When we were in junior high the PTA had us fill out these questionnaires about ourselves that would get mailed back to us a year later. They were part of the drug and alcohol awareness week program-trying to get kids to focus on their future goals and remind them what's important to them blah blah blah.

Here is the one I filled out on October 25, 1990 which puts me at age 13 and in 8th grade. I just know I will lose readership because of this. It is that dorky.

My answers-things I actually wrote-are in green.

Dear Sarah,

I am writing this letter today, during National Awareness Week, to be sent to myself one year from today. It will reflect current trends, my feelings and opinions.

I would like to be a successful actress.

I wish my family would lighten up and live forever.

At school I'm horribly popular (idea from Kim J.).

My friends are really cool and nice and sweet and they care about me. No really they are geeks.

My favorite music/group is New Kids on the Block.

Children would be better off if they stayed away from drugs.

I need to work on school and acting.

Drinking is for buttholes and it's stupid.

Where do you see yourself one year from today? What is one thing you would like to accomplish by then? I would like to be acting in movies and to be a famous actress. I also want a boyfriend. I would like to be in a love scene with Socket Wrench [Ed. note: I will explain this in a minute].

Discuss how you feel about chemical usage...commitments of your own, opinions about others. Chemical usage is for dopes (Ha Ha! Get it??) Anyways, it's really stupid. I'll never, ever do drugs or drink or smoke. I think people who do that crap are just killing themselves.

P.S. I heart Jeff-from guess who? [Ed. note: the aforementioned Kim J. wrote this on there]

Um...loser? To recap: It is 15 years later, and I have completely let down my 13 year old self by drinking enough for 6 average-sized adults on a weekly basis. In addition I have completely failed in accomplishing any of my goals:

1. I am quite possibly the worst actress in the free world.
2. I did have a boyfriend a year later, but I dumped him then watched him date one of my friends, became raging jealous and somehow ended up going to 10th grade Homecoming with a drug dealer in a bid to win him back.
3. Socket Wrench is my code name for this guy who went to my junior high. He was older than me, but in the class behind me so clearly I was attracted to him for his mind. Also he fought a lot. Obviously I was in love with him. The closest I came to doing a love scene with him was when HE ASKED ME OUT AT MY 10 YEAR REUNION 2 WEEKS AGO!!!!! (Sidenote: the weirdest part about that whole situation is this: what the hell was he doing at my reunion? He didn't graduate the same year as me. Diane said that maybe it's because at one point in time he was actually a part of my class.)

13 year old Sarah totally thinks I'm a butthole. At least I don't make bad puns, you little brat.


Erik Holtan said...

Oh Sarah,
You say you were THAT popular, then you would not have said half that crap! And NKOTB? I guess it was typical for the time though!
VERY FUNNY STUFF, and that is why I come here!

Tigerlily said...

Drinking is for buttholes and it's stupid.

Holy Jesus that's good stuff

Scott said...

I think that 13 year old you is Natalie Portman from "Beautiful Girls". And I am Timothy Hutton. I am going to wait five years for her to blossom into a woman. (Not sure if this is too obscure to make sense) Man I suck. Please go to my website to learn about herbal male enhancment - or something.

Anonymous said...

13 year old Sarah WAS totally a dork, there is no arguing that, (though socket wrench is a FANTASTIC nickname for a perennial flunky), but do not fear because several of us were also dorky at one point. When I was 13, I loved video games, comic books, dick and fart jokes, watching the Browns (lose usually), and sneak-a-peek at my dad's Playboy collection (the Cindy Crawford one was the culmination of my being) Now that I am 25 I love video games, movies about comic books, dick and fat jokes...holy crap... I am STILL a dork!! well at least I can't look at my dad's playboys anymore now that I FINALLY moved out of my parent's house... maybe I'll visit tonight

anonymous dork (SHIT!!)

Sarah said...

Erik, I was incredibly popular. I mean like with my group of 5 friends.

Toren, I really had a way with words back in 8th grade, no?

Scott, duh I love that movie!!! You're a little creepy though. It's okay we can still make out at lunch.

Drew, seriously why do you even pretend like you are anonymous.

matt said...

yes anonymous, I agree, you are a dork. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

sarah, wine tonight?

Networkchic said...

New Kids on the Block? Hey that's still my favorite group.

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed that you saved the questionnaire!

Sarah said...

Impressed or sad for me, AG? Be honest.

Anonymous said...

I'm sad...that I didn't save mine, too! Actually I never had one. It's a good thing since I was drinking and smoking through high school!

lengli said...

I love finding random pieces of my past; unfortunately, I didn't really start collecting until I was in high school, so that whole part of my middle school existence has been obliterated. So kudos to you, my friend, kudos.

Thanks for stopping by my blog, and may the Lionel be with you!!!

slcup said...

Sarah, were we separated at birth? Honestly, my Dare questionnaire looked eerily similar to yours. Except that I wanted to be a professional food taster instead of an actress and I was in love with a dumb guy with a mullet who I called Lee. Don't know why...

ORF said...

Toren, I agree, that's my favorite quote!
Sarah, you should send that to Sarah B. for her Cringe readings. It's perfect!