Monday, September 05, 2005

Labor Day

An update on my diet
This weekend I bought two things: a treadmill and a scale. The former is barely going to fit into my house, and I definitely didn't have the money for it, but I am really excited about it. As I mentioned, I also bought a scale. That's right-the enemy is among us. This was really a big step for me seeing as if I had my choice I would throw all existing scales into a pile, cover them with gasoline and light up the skies. This may sound extreme, but let me at least plead my case. Scales hate me. They are really mean and tell me I am fat all the time. So do mirrors, but the only reason I don't burn them is because I need them to pluck my eyebrows.

But I digress. I bought a goddamn scale, but I didn't use it right away. I just stared at it, and it stared back at me. Finally I decided just to give it a go. If we go by what I weighed at the doctor's a month ago, and what my stupid new scale says, I have lost 8 lbs. In my opinion, there is no way in hell that is right especially since using 2 different scales is like comparing apples to oranges, but I am totally counting it. Suck it, Fat Roll. You too, Giant Ass.

Before I go, can we quickly talk about my friend Steph? Steph is a complicated woman. She has two sides. The first is the one whose compassion for people less fortunate than her knows absolutely no bounds. It comes from a place deep inside that will never be satisfied with sitting on the sidelines or just doing the bare minimum. It's this compassion that has resulted in her volunteering to go down to New Orleans to help set up a temporary medical facility for those in need (she is the chief compliance officer for a hospital). The first crew they sent down there essentially were taken hostage, and therefore Steph's trip has been postponed, but her resolve hasn't wavered. For purely selfish reasons, I do not want her to go. The thought of something happening to her down there makes me sick to my stomach. But I also know that there's no talking Steph out of anything if she has her mind set on it, and that there is something inside of her that makes it utterly impossible for her to not go. She has a need and a passion I'll never understand and always envy.

Then there is the Steph who was the only drunk person at Jace's party tonight. The one who flashed us, danced on each of our laps, crawled around on the ground, threw a chair, made me go to the bathroom with her and bit Woody on the ass. The one who called her sister in Vegas and told her she was "servicing" Jace then hung up on her. I love both Stephs, but Jesus this one is way more fun.


Anonymous said...

dammit sarah! stop blogging about me! in my defense, i spent the weekend 3000 miles away from you guys, in which i understand, soberity did not occur at all for you people. i was just excited to see everyone again. especially jace, which explains the service. now pick on someone better, i hear aloyd was a hoot. blog about him. please! -steph

Oh, that girl. said...

Steph sounds damn a lot like me....compassion out the ass, can't turn an animal away, but I get drunk like a nun stuck in a vat of Mickeys Ice. Yummy.

russ said...

I heartily support:
A) Buying exercise equipment. My stationary bike (and Tivo) are my only hope to do boring, non-sport exercise regularly.
B) Buying a scale. Otherwise, you can't make cool excel graphs of your weight-loss.
C) Hard-partying women.
D) Being a caring person and contributing to the relief effort.

Not necessarily in that order. Cheers to the S's.

Sarah said...

And I heartily support people who make Excel graphs for any type of reason outside of work. Well done, Russ. If John ever has a bonfire again, you and I will get drunk and discuss other uses for Excel.

Mon said...

The Scale! The evil enemy! Like most problems, denial is the first sign. So, by all means, buy several scales, and take the average of all for your weight loss. Or, just pick the one you like best! As I am eating my Tendercrisp sandwich. From Bk.

ALoyd said...

Hey, dont single me out here Steph, just cause you cant take the heat.... But yes, I did make an ass of myself on Sunday night. OOPS! You guys let me know when it is time to grow up for real.

russ said...

"Well done, Russ. If John ever has a bonfire again, you and I will get drunk and discuss other uses for Excel."

That sounds hot.

Scott said...

Both Steph's need to converge. We should have a fund raiser - that is also a party! The procedes could go the the hurricane victims and Steph could get drunk. Yes this is a great plan. Let's do it at her house on Halloween. As a humanitarian and a drunk she is pretty much obligated.

babyjewels said...

I just got a new scale that weighs to the ounce, does body fat and tells you your percentage of body water. I now can obsess and suck at all three. fun.