Thursday, February 01, 2007

Insert clever post title here

This is what you miss when you don't open the Sunday paper for 3 days:

I went to my neurologist yesterday. No, I don't have mental problems. I mean, okay yeah I do, but I'm not being treated for them. I go there for my migraines. Every time you go for an appointment they take your vitals like they weigh you (such a joy), take your blood pressure, etc. Yesterday I was asked a question that I have never ever been asked at a doctor's office-or anywhere else-before. As I sat down to have my blood pressure taken, the nurse looked at me and said, "Have you had any kind of breast surgeries ever?" I honestly didn't know what to do. I just stared at her thinking, 'There is no way she just asked me that. I must be hearing things.' So I racked my brain trying to think of what she possibly could have said that I misinterpreted to hear "breast surgeries". After about 45 seconds of just staring at her in silence, I realized that I had just spent 45 full seconds staring at her in silence so I just said, "No. No." Then she moved on as if she didn't just ask me if my boobs were fake. I have been to this doctor like 3 other times, and they have NEVER asked me that before. All I know is, I am definitely wearing that bra/shirt combo much more often.

I think my friends and I are at a crossroads. We are getting older and more tired yet we still want to party. This explains why on Saturday we spent 2 and a half hours playing Pictionary then hopped in a cab and went downtown to get shitfaced and watch The Websters perform at a bar. Okay this isn't entirely true-we were actually already shitfaced before we went to the bar.

As we get older, game nights are becoming more and more common in our little group (as are back injuries and 4-door sedan purchases). They are cheap and fun and I can sometimes wear my pajamas. For Christmas Steph asked for Pictionary and a big dry-erase board on an easel. At first I made fun of her. Then I realized it is the greatest thing ever. I nearly pee my pants watching my friends try to draw under pressure. Gordo is some kind of weirdo guessing savant. You draw a straight line, and he's like "Of Mice and Men!" and it's correct. But I suppose he has to be good at the guessing, because his drawings are...ridiculous. Matt corrects everyone's drawings after the timer has gone off, graciously using his skills as an architect to demonstrate how a surfboard or sandcastle really should be drawn. My sister has, at least twice, drawn a penis and on Saturday she drew two people having sex as a hint for the word "pretzel". Clearly she is a deviant of some sort, and I should probably get her in to see a therapist.

After Pictionary, we went to see our favorite cover band, The Websters. Here's what I remember:
- A lot of wine and cranberry and vodka made its way into my system that night.
- When we got there, everyone in the audience was at least 15-20 feet away from the stage so Steph and I ran right up to the front and went crazy. As predicted, everyone soon followed suit.
- I think Steph tried to make out with the lead singer.
- For 3 hours I used all my willpower to not reach out and strum the bass player's guitar.
- Matt kept screaming that he was way past drunk and had moved into the "fucking drunk" stage. Also he had a picture of his new car in his wallet and was showing it around.
- The over/under for the number of girls Gordo would hit on was 3. He said he wouldn't hit on any. I counted at least 2. Anyone else see any more?
- Sharda's cousin, who doesn't know me at all, was there and I got about an inch from his face, pointed directly at him and screamed, "Sharda, there's your cousin!!!"
- I kept thinking I'd end up leaving a little early to get some sleep then suddenly the bouncer literally had to ask us to leave because it was 2:30 and we were still sitting at the bar trying to order drinks.
- Somehow we found a cab and tried to get in, but as soon as 4 of us were in it, the driver took off. The door was still open. Diane immediately starting yelling at the cabbie for being a jerk, and he tried to kick them out of his cab, but Diane said, "No we are not leaving. Now take us home, and you better take us DIRECTLY home-none of that side street crap. By the way there goes your tip." Let's just say Diane is not good at creating a friendly rapport with cabbies after she's been drinking. After tipping the cabbie $1, they asked him to come back and get us (the ones who were left behind). He said okay and took off. Shockingly, he did not come back for us.
- Gordo, Kevin, Kim and I waited outside in 11 degree weather for a cab for 30 minutes.
- When a cab finally came I was so happy I seriously considered dropping my pants for him.
- When we got back to Steph's place she came down to let us in and also to let her dog out and she was wearing a tank top. 11 degrees.
- Later Steph thought she was ordering an hour long epside of "The Hills" on pay-per-view, but it turns out she was actually ordering black porn. That is a special kind of drunk, you guys.


Johnny Virgil said...

That's an honest mistake -- She mistakenly ordered "The Hills, Yo" which is completely different.

Don't ask me how I know.

Anonymous said...

I didn't tell you the story of trying to watch The Hills for a reason. Diane! I hate you for telling her! But it is such a good show, this week's episode and Heidi's birthday party was awesome! And let's be honest, that's not the worst drunken thing I have done...(also, the tank top was b/c my place was 5000 degrees, you were in it, you said the fan felt heavenly when I turned it on...damn steam heat.) And why didn't you talk about Aaron Loyd's pickle. That was my favorite part of the evening!

Sarah said...

Dammit I forgot about the pickle! Diane told me to check with you first about the porn story because she said she didn't think you wanted me writing about it. I chose to ignore her completely. I'm sorry, but that is blogger gold-and one of the best stories I've heard in a while. I left out how ALoyd went back up to get his phone and we called you to find out what was taking him so long and you said you were naked. If I write it in the comments does it count as posting it?

Blazer1234 said...

Sounds like a blast. I miss those days of getting totally shit-faced drunk. (Just not the hangovers.) Just know that game night sticks around after you get married and have kids. You just don't get to go out afterwards and close the bars, though. Kids tend to put a damper on that.

Next time, drink one for me, ok?

Anonymous said...

I wasn't naked, I had on grey sweat pants and a tank top. I remember that. I think it took so long b/c I had a hard time finding my keys, we destroyed my place, it was filthy. Last time I let you plan the evening and then choose my place as the location.

But i'm not mad...i've decided I'm just going to start my own blog. I'm filling it with all my uncensored Sarah stories. It's cool.

Also, you do have a nice rack. No wonder the nurse inquired. -Steph

russ said...

I totally want to sell wine and other crap to people who just want to stay in with friends. That's where it's at.

slcup said...

Not that I've actually seen your rack, but I'll agree it's fantastic. All Sarah's have kick ass racks. I mean, c'mon, I do.

Gordon said...

Hey, did you know I can't f'ing draw? Seriously, you should mention that more often.

Skeezix said...

That night sounds exactly like the ones I've been having lately myself. Card games that devolve into drunken shenanigans.

Alan the Great said...

I totally don't recognize that title, by the way. And I do believe its a coincidence it came up the same day as you left a comment on my blog...

LMAO, J/K. I love a good drunk story; if you survive to tell them, their probably good. If you don't, their probably even better.

Sarah said...

Alan, OMG. I totally didn't even notice that. Clearly we are meant to be best friends.

Alan the Great said...

Ah, that must be it.
With that in mind, mind if I link to you? I'm making a sidebar with some cool blogs on it.

CruiserMel said...

That sounds like too much fun! We want pictures next time!

Pete Dunn said...

Drunk girls in tank tops ordering pr0n? How do I get on THAT guest list?

Gordon said...


I think pictures of such incidents would be dangerous to a lot of people's careers. We're professionals you know!

KP said...

I think if you just put a black strip across their eyes in the picture, it's ok.