Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Road rage

Everyone who drove my route today is a GOD.DAMN.MORON!!! Especially you, black pick up truck with the stupid cap on. Yeah I'm talking to you, numbnuts. The one who thinks if that if the lane next to him is backed up he should probably not be moving either even though the there are absolutely no cars in front of him for 10 miles. I swear if I ever see you again I will side swipe you. Then while you are still dazed, wondering what happened, I will get out of my car and come over there and punch you in the neck. Then I will steal any change you have in your cupholders. Sac up and drive like a real man, or get the hell off the road!

7 comments:

danielle said...

hey, since you had all the road rage this morning, did it inspire you to drive in the shoulder by any chance?

Anonymous said...

Ok, how is it that I haven't run into you in some Lakewood bar while listening to your hilarious tirades? Anonymous guy here, the one who said I shared your fantastic breakup experience? Anyhow, I hereby make formal application to fill the position you're hiring for. I already sleep on the right side of the bed, and you won't have to worry about any attempts to cop a feel because I always sleep facing the wall. Of course, if you're actually offering over-the-shirt grabs, well, who'd turn that down?
Weird, I know, but what do you expect from me? I was stupid enough to assume I'd actually be married to someone from a 5 month relationship. Great, now I've made a confessional out of YOUR blog. Embarassingly, I will probably get phone calls about this post because I've managed to make some friends into Okay Seriously addicts - they appreciate your sarcasm as much as I do. Anyhow, thanks for the laughs - they are priceless.

Carly said...

Sarah - I think you need to let Erik, John, and Scott interview this candidate. (Have him go out drinking with them before you agree to meet him... get a credit report too so you know he's not some deadbeat wierdo!!)

My brother in law met his wife on Match.Com so who knows?

Sarah said...

Anonymous, you probably have seen me out at a Lakewood bar, but I was probably with my friends dancing, singing and screaming like a total jackass so you were either scared or embarassed for me.

John said...

I will interview this anonymoous guy for you. As long as Scott goes with me. And as long as I leave the Jolly Ranchers at home.

Charlotte said...

I've been having a horrible week, but you crack me up. Thanks for the smile.. I'd like to add a link to you by the way, perhaps it's unnecessary to ask.. but who knows, you may not want to be associated with me:)

Johnny Virgil said...

It struck me as I was reading this that the term "Sac up" would be a good voice recognition command for something that Scott could invent for bag management. Namely, some sort of automatic bag adjustment mechanism that compensates for temperature stretch during normal everyday wear, but in an emergency would accept voice commands. So if he was about to get in a fight in a parking lot for instance, he could just yell, "SAC UP!" and it would retract his bag to a safe place so that no accidental damage could occur during the altercation.