Monday, February 28, 2005

I'm still not back at work

When I was in the hospital all doped up on morphine, I remember thinking, "Oh my God-I have so much to write about in my blog because of this." Now all I can think about is that no less than 15 people that I don't know saw my boobs.

Also I will say this: don't be so quick to dismiss catheters. They really don't hurt that much, and you never feel like you have to pee. You just have to lay there not peeing, and some poor soul has to drain all your pee from a bag for you. I'm just saying if you're ever feeling really lazy, look into it.

I have a few shout-outs I need to make.

To my friends and family: Thank you soooo much for all the cards, flowers, phone calls, etc. I appreciate them so much, and they really did make me feel better. Mom, Dad and Diane, thanks for staying home with me and taking care of me. Now make me lunch.

To my nurses: You guys rock. I'm sorry for all the gross things you had to do for me including the previously mentioned pee-draining.

To the hospital volunteer lady who pushed me in the wheelchair out to my mom's car when I left: Slow the fuck down, biatch! And quit spinning me and maneuvering me all over the goddamn place! I am not a toy car! Also my mom told you she parked a million miles away so quit sighing impatiently while we wait for her to come to the door. Don't volunteer if you hate it so much. P.S. There is an age after which that haircut is no longer appropriate.

To my other organs: Let this be a lesson to you all. If you mess with me, I will not hesitate to remove your ass.


Scott said...

Just reading the word catheter makes me want to pass out. Never say it again.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I agree. There's a reason why Hallmark stayed way from the "Congratulations on your new Catheter!" cards.
And you know they'd make a card about baby stealing if they thought they could make a buck. Bastards.

Johnny Virgil said...

Ever notice how the "congratulations on your new baby" cards are right next to the ones that say "Sorry for your loss?" Coincidence? I think not.

John said...

pee draining makes me want to vomit..... wait.... yeah pee draining makes me actually vomit.

Erik with a K said...

Sarah, I've totally got your back on this one. Catheters are the greatest thing ever - when I was in for surgery (penis reduction) and had one, i just had to think about going to the bathroom and it happened.

I'm seriously looking forward to the time when I'm old and gray and just don't feel like missing good TV to go and pee. I can just think about it and make it happen.

You guys don't have any idea what you're missing, in your upright, bathroom-centric insulated world.

Johnny Virgil said...

Erik, I'm pretty sure the catheter is an intregral part of John's D.O.O.D.U. line of reclining chairs.

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