Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Injury Report

On Saturday we played football in what was essentially a giant mud pit. If you stood in one place too long, you were suctioned to the ground. A girl on our team got suctioned and then tried to run except only half of her foot would move. The other half just stuck there. And therefore all the ligaments in her foot tore away from the bone. Ga-gew. Her injury got me thinking about all my serious injuries. And here's the thing I discovered: almost every single one of them was completely self-inflicted. They were brought about by my complete and utter lack of coolness. Here I compare and contrast:

  • Tearing ligaments in your foot while playing football? Cool. (Mariella)

  • Breaking your wrist because you fell off the wrought iron lamp post you were climbing after your dad told you 72 times to "get the hell of the lamp post"? Uncool. (Me)

  • Tearing ligaments in your ankle while playing volleyball? Cool. (Diane)

  • Getting knocked unconscious because you smacked into a concrete wall face first because you were running at it full speed in wet snowboots after your mom told you 72 times to "stop running at the damn concrete wall"? Uncool. (Me)

  • Tearing ligaments again in your ankle while playing volleyball? Cool-albeit a little less cool than the first time. (Diane again)

  • Having to be on crutches because you bruised your heel jumping out of the back of a school bus during an emergency drill? Uncool. (Me)

  • Breaking your tooth off in someone's head playing basketball? Way cool. (My dad)

  • Burning your entire wrist and hand because you accidentally spilled 200 degree water on yourself while trying to dump out the water that keeps the hot fudge hot at your afterschool job at Friendly's? (Me)


Hugh Janus said...

I gleaned a cool new threat from your post.

"Don't make me break my tooth off in your head!"

My coolest injury? (Not because of how, but rather subsequent events)
Breaking my ankle playing basketball at Kent State. Went to the campus doctor where they put a cast on. After one day of annoyance with crutches and not being able to play basketball, I returned home, cut my cast off with a steak knife (not the easiest task), and proceeded to play b-ball that night and every one thereafter.

Terrell Owens, what a pussy. It took him 4 weeks to make it back from a broken leg. It only took me one day.

Least cool? While jogging down a hallway in our house to get to the ringing phone, our cat decided that it was a good time to try and do a figure 8 around my legs. I saw the cat go spinning away as I made contact with her as I went head first into the end of my weight bench.

If someone was taping it, both me being tripped by the cat and the cat spinning through the air would have been a good funniest home videos. They would have had to cut it off at the point where my entire face was covered with blood. 8 stitches required. I don't know if that counts as an injury. While interesting, I think it was probably uncool.

sara said...

i injure myself pretty much daily (today's injury left me with a bruised, painful to bend, knee cap.) but these 2 are my most serious...

suh-weet self-inflicted injury #1...breaking my elbow while goofing off with my pint size roommate. i decided it'd be fun to throw her around with some of my newly learned judo moves. result...broken elbow, cast from my hand to my shoulder for almost a month. trust me having your arm at a perma-90 degree angle, not so much fun. i had to shower with trash bags over my arm and sleep on the couch b/c i couldn't climb up onto my bed.

pimp self-inflicted wound #2...pulling a tendon in the bottom of my foot by jumping off the top bunk onto a cement dorm floor. why? b/c a hot boy walked in and i wanted to make sure i greeted him properly. he did end up picking me up off the ground and letting me lay on his lap writhing in pain. so i guess it wasn't a completely lost cause. by the way, i was on cruches for about 3 weeks with that one.


Scott said...

I played volleyball with Sarah last night. She managed to avoid major injury - but she did get violently ill. So please send your well wishes her way - she is probably not feeling well today either.

Get well soon Sarah!