Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Survivor

I had to tape "Lost" tonight because a bunch of us went out to dinner. I just finished watching it (it was amazing), and it got me thinking about how I would react if I was stranded on an island. What would my role be? What skills would I have to offer? Here is what I came up with:

1. Bitching about the beach
2. Reenacting scenes from "Friends" (all seasons)
3. Having a severe allergic reaction to any and all of the greenery and/or animals on the island
4. Procreating with Charlie Salinger. Constantly.

It occurs to me now that maybe I am not well equipped to be a castaway on "Lost" (except for that last one-call me, Charlie!). However, I do have many other valuable skills and talents, such as:

1. Making a 20oz bottle of pop last for 4 days
2. Eating a can of Salt & Vinegar Pringles in 35 seconds.
3. Tripping up stairs.
4. Tripping down stairs.
5. Knowing the words to Def Leppard songs
6. Saying the word "amazing" about 7500 times in a 5 minute conversation
7. Being a master of disguise. For example,
  • When I dance, I look like someone with Down Syndrome.
  • When I run, I look like someone suffering from heart failure. (I know this one works because one time John tried to give me mouth to mouth. The weird thing about that was that I wasn't even running at the time. I was just trying to eat lunch.)

Do you guys think you would survive on a desert island? What skills would you have to offer? If anyone steals my Pringles talent, I'm gonna be pissed.

8 comments:

Erik with a K said...

My "mad skillz" to help me survive on Lost include:

1) Break Dancing
2) Ice skating (not so helpful on the island)
3) Buttering each f-ing piece of popcorn individually with REAL butter, if we had a micro
4) Laser holography
5) Animal petting (that could mean a lot of things)
6) Putting sauce on things
7) Sleeping but not snoring
8) Scratching things
9) Cutting myself accidentally
10) Reading your blog which is the most awesome blog ever created by humans
11) Using my "big boy" words instead of monosyllables
12) Creating lists
13) Taking up space
14) Looking intimdating if someone tries to mess with a friend
15) Shoe tying

Johnny Virgil said...

I can build stuff out of other stuff. And I would probably be pretty good at killing things. For food, I mean. I wouldn't kill the girl who kept reenacting Friends episodes, just because everyone else on the island asked me to.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I would be the guy making annoying quips. Here's a sample:

"What does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?"
"Hey, it's a beach day!"
"Hot enough for ya?"
"What's that smell? Oh it's me."
"That's the last time I fly with those bastards."

I'm dissapointed in LOST right now. They need to move the story a little bit quicker, and make it less predictable. As soon as they handed out the guns I knew that Ethan was going to get snuffed and they'd be no closer to any answers. I suspect the producers sense the pace has dropped off, because they premised the "next week on LOST" with "Secrets will be revealed..." Yeah, I'm sure it's going to be big.

Sarah said...

I love you, Shamus, but lay off "Lost" or I will be forced to kick you in the shin. I'm hoping the secrets that are revealed next week involve Charlie Salinger and Evangeline making out.

slcup said...

My sad little list of talents:
1. I'm able to attract the biggest loser in a 10 mile radius
2. I can tie knots in my hair
3. If there's a pen on the island, you can bet I'll have it's ink all over my tattered shirt in like 10 minutes
4. I love to organize - I'll have the fuselage and luggage organized by size and usefulness in five minutes flat
5. I will inevitably freak out about the sand and dirt and bugs and drive everyone crazy - now that's a talent
urban princess sarah

John said...

1. I can make sand porn
2. I will figure out a way to make premoistened wipes.
3. I will try to get a best ass by campfire competition going
4. I will sing the high parts
5. I will make you wish you'd died in the crash
6. I will write letters to the airline and send them off in bottles
7. I will sing Peter Cetera songs
8. I will get the morning wood (for the fire I mean)

Mel Mega said...

Okay, I am new to your Blog, but after reading list I think that you and I may have been best friends in a former life. You are too friggin funny! I would gladly act out Friends episodes and sing Def Leppard songs with you.

Sarah said...

That is excellent, Mel Mega, because I think that every desert island requires at least two people to sing Def Leppard songs. Also even though I could act out scenes from "Friends" by myself, it will be much more efficient to have two of us.