Friday, March 18, 2005

I'm a poet and I totally did know it

The term March Madness absolutely applies to me when it comes to the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. I like college basketball (much more than the NBA), but I don't watch too much of it. That is, until it's tournament time. I'm not sure if it's the fact that every year the tournament is exciting and unpredictable or if it's because I have money on the line, but I completely lose my mind during the tournament. I barely function at work because I spend all day on watching the scores update in real time. I keep copies of all the brackets I'm in with me at all times. I become an ESPN junkie, and a basketball game is always on at my house. Always.

I tend to be in 3-4 pools at a time. Always one with the lunch guys and always one with my parents and Diane. Two years ago in the lunch pool I won the whole goddamn thing. The year before that I won the family pool. Actually I think I won that one last year, too. Man I'm awesome!

That being said, each year there is inevitably one pool I'm in that just gets royally messed up. Not because I pick the wrong teams, but because the teams totally and purposefully eff me over. In these times, I find it necessary to express my anger in the form of poetry. I've written poems for the last two tournaments in 2003 and 2004. I haven't written a 2005 poem yet as it is too early in the tournament for that, but I guarantee one of these teams will eff me over because all they care about is seeing me lose. So that poem is TBD. I will post it here when it's time, though.

With that, I give you the last two entries into the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Poetry Hall of Fame:

"I hate you, Wake Forest, but not as much as Duke" by Okay Seriously

Hey there, Wake Forest!
How are you doin'?
I am doing just fine
Now that my bracket's in ruins.

I thought you'd do it this year.
The rest were sitting ducks.
Then Auburn kicked your ass.
Excuse me, what the fuck!?

Oh it's not a big deal really.
I only had you in the final four.
Didn't make the sweet sixteen.
You stupid, stupid whore.

I feel like a cheap hooker
Whose job is to sell booty.
You, Illinois and Florida
In one night you guys all screwed me.

"Thank you, Kentucky!" by Okay Seriously

Kentucky, Kentucky
Why you so sucky?
I want to punch you in the face

My bracket's now done
And you are the one
Who put me in my place

Sorry to place blame
But wow you are lame
You are such a giant whore

There's no way I can win
I took it right on the chin
And ass is sore


Violet said...

Oh my gosh, your poems rock!! I love March Madness! UCLA screwed me this year, though. U Clowns Lost Again! Played like a really bad third grade team. Best of luck in your pools and can't wait to see the 2005 poetry!

Erik with a K said...

That rocks - I'm going to hire you to do some for me next year when I don't get a raise...

Carly said...

Now see, if I knew this YESTERDAY, I could have filled out that bracket that got dropped on my desk. Where were you when I needed you? sigh....

Scott said...

I can jsut see you hovering over 4 brackets marking off wins and losses. Like an old lady at the Bingo parlor - playing 5 boards at the same time.

Sarah said...

Scott, that is an eerily accurate description of what I look like.

Carly said...

Yo Sarah, did you have Syracuse? I know people everywhere are cursing them RIGHT NOW....

Johnny Virgil said...

Ohhhh, ok. March madness has something to do with basketball. I see that now.

Anonymous said...


Love the poetry. In honor of our recently past Irish holiday, I submit to you this limerick which I hope expresses how I feel about the team I had going all the way. Please forgive the profanity. I know you have delicate sensibilities regarding such things.

There once was a team from Kansas,
Who ruined my glorious plans as
they lost in round one to Bucknell.
What a horrible F**k-Knell.
The players can kiss this fan's ass.

(Glad to hear you're still tearing up the city, even without a gall-bladder)

John said...

Hey what about the Duke poem? I think that was the original. I will track it down and post it here if you can't find it. It's the reason the one about Wake Forest says "...but not as much as Duke"

Sarah said...

Yeah I couldn't find that one. It's lost! If you find it, send it to me!