Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I've been found out

I just got an anonymous comment on my post from this morning which I would like to print for all to read:

"If you are as young and healthy and unencumbered as you indicate, why get so hostile? Why do you NEED to be by the door, or is it just a selfish, me first attitude? You have never been pregnant, never had to deal with strollers, never had a handicap and have no clue what people go through. And you don't care because you are a princess and nobody matters but you. The store is putting in those spots because they want those kinds of people to shop there. They may not want your kind, especially if you are the ones who throw clothes on the floor and are otherwise high maintenence. You definately have a bad attitude in your blog. Cuss away. This is America and you are allowed to do that but almost nobody will respect you for it and they will do stuff to try to keep you away. Maybe you need to spend less time at the mall and get a life. And if you don't want to be attacked, quit attacking!"

Dear anonymous commenter,

Wow. This is really embarassing for me right now because obviously I was personally attacking you. I just can't believe you picked up on it. Boy is my face red.

Seriously, though, I must know--how do you see right through to the heart of me just by reading a bunch of sarcastic posts written over a 3 month period of my 28 year life? It's amazing. I mean how did you know that I only go to the mall to throw clothes on the floor and demand attention from everyone around me? It's almost as if you follow me around. And I didn't realize I was unwelcome at America's malls. Thank you for the heads up. Hey-attention all unmarried people: we are not welcome at shopping malls! Only people who are pregnant or are parents or have a handicap! Things we can't possibly know anything about!

Since when is cussing not a way to gain respect? This is news to me. Wait-is sleeping around not a way to gain respect either?

You're right. I need to get a life. Maybe I should go anonymously post on people's blogs and pretend like I know them then get all holier-than-thou on their asses. I mean you seem to think that is a more productive use of time so maybe it will be for me, too.

You don't know me, and you'll never know me just by reading a few posts on my blog so why don't you jump back on to your high horse and ride away.

And for the last time fucking address me as Princess Sarah! How many times do I have to say it!?

11 comments:

slcup said...

Um, I DO go to malls and throw clothes on the floor and scream for attention and sleep around and cuss to earn respect. Does that mean we can still be BFF, oh Princess Sarah?
urban princess

John said...

I once lit a bag of doodie on fire and set it in the handicapped spot at the mall just waiting for the hijinks. Unfortunately I just sat there smelling burning poop for a few minutes and it went out. That's really all those spots are good for though is poop fires.

Sarah said...

We most certainly are still BFF, U.P. Sarah. But apparently we will have to find somewhere else to hang out because they don't want "our kind" at the mall.

slcup said...

Those bastards!
urban princess

"AG" said...

I don't know you but read your blog because you're funny...when you had surgery you were cracking jokes. It's a gift to be able to find humor in everyday things.

danielle said...

i applaud ammo gal. she's been reading your blog for a short time and totally has you down. anonatron read you for a short time and completely missed the point.

heres2me said...

Dear Sarah,
It's Jace. I am mad. Not because you ditched me Saturday night but because of all the reasons anonymous listed. She's right. And important. Moving on.
Ok, we're still best friends but tell your partents..."not cool." Here's why. That guy that did your walk-through on the house...it's me. All we do is make excuses for the other construction workers and let people be mean to us...Seriously. And I played the saxaphone in marching band too. But don't tell anyone about the saxaphone thing...may ruin my really macho reputation...maybe I should post this anonymous...yea, I'll do that. Here's to Me...

Carly said...

Anonymous posting... how pathetic.

Your majesty, you are hysterically funny, and WTF... swearing is bad? I swear like a trucker (ask Johnny and Shamus)

Some people stick their kids in strollers until they're FIVE or so. What a racket!!

PS. If there's anything a clerk doesn't want in a store it's a screaming kid getting graham cracker goo all over the clothing!!
Child free women get to buy much nicer shit for themselves.

Erik with a K said...

I still use a stroller...it's really kind of sad and pathetic because no one will push me. I just end up motionless in the parking lot next to my minivan, with the faint smell of burning poop wafting over from the handicap spots...

Tigerlily said...

HEY ANONYMOUS!!!!!
WHY DON'T YOU HEFT YOUR BLOATED ASS ON OVER TO MY BLOG, MY GOD YOU'LL FALL OUT! Get a life, I think we may all benefit from it. Anyone picking on Princess Sarah has got to answer to me, my 6 dogs, and a pack of crazed muskrats that have joined my gang. If worse comes to worse, we can stuff her in my safe and send her to Jabip, WHICH IS WHERE I USUALLY HAVE TO PARK BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!!!!! Fuck, piss, balls.

Melanie was here said...

I am new, very new to blogging. I have come to realize that while some anonymous posters are friendly, the vast majority are balless peckerheads that think they know what is best in the world when clearly they don't have any idea. Have none of these people heard of sarcasm? Good God, I couldn't survive without it! Princess Sarah - keep tearin' up the blog! You crack me up!