Thursday, March 10, 2005

Let's get physical-not like that, sicko

Whoa-since when do guys not like fat chicks? Oh-since like the 17th century or something.

Here's the deal, Internet. I need to lose some goddamn weight. John and I are both trying to do it. His reason is so Danielle and I will talk about his hot body at lunch. My reason is so I can be a better dresser. Both reasons are lame, but we'll just see how lame they are when we are totally hot.

Now, I've already jumpstarted the process by having an organ removed. But it turns out the gall bladder is pretty small so it probably only accounted for a couple pounds. Poor planning on my part. I have my eye on a couple others (Appendix, sleep with one eye open. What are you laughing at, Left Lung? You think you're safe? You've gotta be worth like 10 pounds or something.).

Actually I'm keeping the organ removal plan in my back pocket--for now. Since my insides are so messed up right now, I cannot eat anything with a high fat content which in layman's terms means I can't eat anything that tastes good. So I am attempting to change my eating habits. And as my first observation I just want to say, do the people at Lean Cuisine honestly expect me to eat one of those mini-meals and be full?

I also plan on working out as soon as I'm physically able. I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate this part of the plan. You know those people who work out for like 2 hours every single night and leave the gym like, "Oh my God I had such a great workout today! I love it! I feel terrific!"? Yeah I am the person who sneaks up behind those people and snaps their necks.

I fucking hate working out. My sister and Renee love it. They're always talking about how much fun it is and how great it makes them feel. The only reason their necks haven't been snapped is because they are funny when they're drunk.

I will keep you updated on my progress since I know it is really important to all of you. This effing blows. Seriously.

By the way, despite my new commitment to fitness (I can't even say that with a straight face), I will be eating Thin Mints even if it kills me.

5 comments:

Johnny Virgil said...

I can be your sponsor, like in AA. If you have the urge to eat an entire chocolate cake or something, just page me and I'll talk you down. If you want a good work out and diet plan, get the body for life book. Seriously.

Johnny Virgil said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Scott said...

Making out burns tons of calories AND you can't eat while making out.... yes, I am volunteering.

"AG" said...

My husband loves to run. He'll come with me for a three mile walk, and then he'll say "OK, I need to get some exercise so I'm going for a run now." Ew.

My real reason for wanting to lose five pounds is not so that I fit into my jeans better, but because this is probably the last year I'll look good in a bathing suit before my ass falls. I'm 37, just saying!

So, I also need to do more exercise. Yuck.

diane said...

let me just clarify, i do not LOVE working out. I'd rather be stuffing my face while watching tv. If we are talking about Scott's "workout" though, then yes, I do love it!