Wednesday, March 23, 2005

My Spring Break in the Bahamas - Part 2 of 3

That first night we get drunk at the pool bar. It's actually hopping, but not with kids on Spring Break. It's all locals. One guy walks up to Diane and Renee, shows them his huge bank roll, and asks, "How much for the both of you?" They laugh out of sheer panic then run away, and it's determined that Joey really wasn't lying about the by-the-hour thing. Then later I go up to the bar with Diane and some guy grabs her ass. She asks him to stop, but he won't. He keeps grabbing her and saying, "Hey. Hey. Come sit with me." Finally I push him away and say, "Leave her alone, asshole. She doesn't want to talk to you. Can't you see that?" Then we walk away. This is a big mistake because apparently this man has a gun, and he comes over to me later to tell me so. He tells us he is a drug dealer and that he has a gun, and he has shot people before, and that he could shoot all of us right now, and nothing would happen to him because his cousin is a cop. This is the second time in one day we have been told we might die. Somehow my 4'8" roommate, Megan, calms this guy down and actually gets him to like us. She is a total badass and is really scary--even to me, and I am over a foot taller than her. Finally we find our fellow Spring Break boys and make them stay with us all night because we are scared of every single person at the motel. Also Renee was trying to hook up with one of them so you know.

The next day we head to the "beach" again, and our pal Joey is there. We hang out with him. I actually attempt to get in the ocean (you know how I feel about the ocean), but then I see something jump out of the water about 20 yards away, and that pretty much does it for me. It's about this time we start to notice that Diane has some kind of rash on her chest and back. She is kind of miserable because it itches so we buy her some Benadryl. We decide to get lunch, and we say, "Hey Joey-we're going to get something to eat if you want to come." So he does. Lunch is tons of fun. We get the bill and start passing it around and Joey says, "I don't have any money. You guys invited me so you should pay." He had lobster--the most expensive thing on the menu. We're all just kind of staring at him in disbelief, and Kim says, "Okay we'll get it. That's fine." Then we ditch Joey because seriously what the eff? We didn't say we would buy you lunch. We just said if you wanted to tag along you could. Plus earlier in the day he had started to get creepy and talk about doing hard drugs with us so it was time for us to say goodbye anyway. You suck, Joey!

We come back to the motel later that night after going to a club, and we can tell something is amiss. It's too quiet. We walk to our rooms and see a few police cars sitting right outside. We quickly go inside. Suddenly there is an eruption of sound. Men shouting, dogs barking, car engines. Headlights are shining into our room. We carefully peak outside, and it turns out that right outside our window, a full-scale drug raid is taking place. The dogs are police dogs searching for drugs. Men are being arrested and beaten. Guns are being pulled. It is the closest I have ever come to actually soiling my underpants. We turn off our lights, pull the shade, put all our luggage in front of the door and lay in bed, under the covers, totally freaking out. This is the third time on this trip we have almost died.

The next morning we call our parents and tell them what happened. They immediately call the vacation tour company, and the woman on the phone tells my mother, "Oh that's weird-we usually never let girls even stay at that hotel. I wonder how they got through." I wonder had we been raped and murdered, would this lady have said, "Oh that's weird."? My mother succeeds in getting us transferred to a new $150 extra person. But none of us care. We would rather be poor than dead.

They put us up in the Marriott. It is BEAUTIFUL. It's exactly what you picture when you say you are going to the Bahamas. It has a huge (real) beach right on the ocean, an enormous swimming pool fit for human use and the rooms are gorgeous. They have carpet AND a telephone! Ah-the luxury! There is even a remote for the TV. It is like we have died and gone to heaven--died as innocent bystanders during a shoot-out between the cops and the druglords and then gone to heaven at the Marriott. Oh and it isn't long before we discover that the guy who propositioned Renee and Diane on our first night here is the Spring Break DJ at the Marriott.

to be continued...


slcup said...


Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Holy f'in shit this is a great story. I've haven't had as many brushes with death thru my life as you did one one vacation. And it's not even over yet.
You're like a cat.

Erik with a K said...

OK, that's it. I am proposing a BloggBuddies Whirlwind Vacation somewhere (safe), so we can all get together and hang out and hear stories like this in person. I mean seriously, this is absolutely hilarious and scary. Almost like the time my 3 friends were arrested by NY State Police for "kidnapping" me on the way home from a concert.

Can't wait for Part3!

bub said...

sarah, not to side with joey, but that's not uncommon in foreign countries. places like italy and spain, stuff like that. whoever asks the other if they want to come along, is expected to pay. the best way around it is to say "i'm going here to eat"...that's it. if they want to show up, they will. never ask a foreigner out to lunch, they want you to pay.

Sarah said...

Dammit, Bub! You're blowing a hole through my story! :) Just kidding. Yeah we kind of figured that was a culture difference which is why we paid up. But we ditched him anyway because of the creepy hard drug talk. Plus he told us that when he dances with girls he likes to rub against them. Ew. Guys in the U.S. do that, too, and it's not okay. Do you hear me, any and all men reading this? IT'S NOT OKAY!!!!

Oh, that girl. said...

Okay seriously, I thought you were a man,
With talk of sports I knew you were a fan.
But I read your rescent posts and suddenly realize,
You are the type of woman that women idolize.
I guess I should have known, given your poetic ease,
That there is no way there’s a penis hiding between your knees.

slcup said...

That poem by Min Pin Momma was effing hilarious!

Sarah said...

Yes it's absolutely fantastic! Holy crap I love homemade poetry.

Anonymous said...

This is better than watching Cops!