Friday, January 14, 2005

Ah-nold got Maria jewelry for Xmas

Unfunny - So last night I was watching Jay Leno. Not on purpose-I was just waiting for Conan to come on, obviously. It was merely a means to an end. Anyway, I know that I am only mildly amusing and usually only to myself at that, but I know funny when I see it or hear it. Even if I can't execute the funny, I can recognize a good execution from someone else. And here's the thing--Jay Leno is the least funny person on Earth. That is a scientific fact. I've run the tests, people, and he just isn't funny. Is he a good guy? Sure. Is he likeable? Definitely. Do his monologues make me want to slit my own wrists? Yes! Now, I don't want to hear from all you Leno Losers (that's what I'm calling fans of Jay Leno) saying, "Oh my gosh Jaywalkers is so funny!" or "Headlines are so funny!" because that is someone else being funny-not Jay.

Last night he interviewed Arnold Schwartzegovernor, and they were talking about what he got for Christmas and what he got Maria and what he got his litter of kids, etc. It was the least funny thing to happen to television since "Committed". The only time I want to hear Ah-nold talking is when he is saying "You're luggage" to an alligator before he shoots it or "You're fired" to a terrorist before he blows him up. And the worst part about all of this is that I fucking fell asleep before Conan came on, and Topher Grace, who IS funny, was his guest. Damn you, Jay Leno! Damn you straight to hell!

You know who else sucks? John Leguizamo. How not funny is that guy? Also Tom Green could use a swift kick to the sternum. I mean really what did we ever do to you, Tom?

Now this guy is funny.

Movies - Is anyone else a little happy to see Michael Keaton coming out with a new movie?

Music - Even though it came out at the end of 2004, I think "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson is going to be my theme song for 2005. It makes me want to put on that black leather outfit that Olivia Newton-John had on at the end of "Grease" and drive to Baltimore and put out a cigarette on B's forehead. I will need a couple of people to go with me, though: 1) Olivia Newton-John because there is no way in hell I can fit into that black leather outfit and 2) someone who smokes.

P.S. If you saw an asshole on the road today driving a green SUV, that was me.

2 comments:

Erik with a K said...

I wish Keaton did more movies, or especially did movies that did not suck. He was great in that one movie, with the other people and all the action. He was also good in Batman. And I don't even have to mention Beetlejuice or however it's spelled (John)...

And Leno SUCKS donkey stones, let me tell you. He was funny for 10 seconds about 15 years ago. How the eff does he beat Letterman?? Fucking Dancing Judge Ito's must have done it, but that was more than 10 effing years ago.

He does broadcast in High Def though, so I will sometimes watch, because like a moth to a flame, I cannot resist the lovely pictures...so pretty and shiny...

Golightly said...

Aww, man you missed the hotness of Topher Grace! He was cute and witful and just him sitting there speechless, is a whole lot more entertaining than Ah-nold and Jay Leno put together.
Sorry!