Monday, January 10, 2005

The separation heard round the world

You guys, we need to talk about something very important. I've been avoiding it because, frankly, it's just too painful. But I can't stay silent any longer. I think you all know what I'm referring to--Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's split.

I have been scouring the Internet for an explanation as to why this is happening but so far no luck. What the hell is going on? Do you think it's something we did? I know we shouldn't blame ourselves. I mean, they both still love us very much and will probably share custody of us. But I am just so sad. I haven't been this upset since Tom and Nicole split up. And to be perfectly honest I am still hoping for a reunion as far as that is concerned. And really don't get me started on Bruce and Demi. I've shed enough tears over that one already.

Making things harder for me is that my friend Kim is happy. She has always maintained that Jen married up when she married Brad, but she is only saying that because she has been obsessed with Brad since birth. Jen is cute and funny and has the best hair ever so you can bite me, Kim! Although I might only be saying that because I have a straight womancrush on Jennifer.

Anyway, since there's a pretty good chance that Brad and Jennifer are reading this, I would like to say something to them:

Brad, Jen, please try to work this out. Think back to all the good times: Brad's guest star turn on "Friends", getting matching highlights for your wedding, suing your wedding ring designer for replicating your unique wedding band design. Doesn't any of that mean anything to you? If it helps, I would be willing to go to counseling with you guys. Just think about it. You need to find a way to make this work. You owe it to yourselves. You owe it to us. And you owe it to your unbelievably hot future children.


Anonymous said...

Diane- I'm really having hard time dealing with this as well. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart. Dammit Brad and Jennifer. Damn you guys. I have lost all hope because of this. Thanks.

danielle said...

get ready to vomit all over yourselves...this is pure hearsay, but i saw on the news that jennifer caught brad having phone sex with none other than one miss angelina ho-jolie.

The Melan'jack said...

I heard from the channel 7 news team that it's because Brad wants babies and Jen does not.

But I also heard dirty dirty things about Brad and Angelina.

Scott said...

Okay - this is really deep inside scoop stuff (I got it from Jennifer Aniston's password protected blog). She has a entry where "B" (apparently Brad) is moving back to Baltimore. So there you have it.

Sarah said...

I should have known. That is the only explanation. I think Baltimore is filled with topless chicks and free beer.

Johnny Virgil said...

Which would be a great name for a band, incidentally.