Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Politics Shmolitics

You may have noticed that I don't talk about politics very much. Or ever. Here's the thing...politics suck. They are really boring, and people who talk about them tend to use large words and get really passionate and their voices get all high and squeaky because they feel like their point isn't being heard (this is true of both men and women). All of that requires copious amounts of energy. Energy I don't have. What little energy I do have has to be rationed out among being bad at sports, watching TV, pressing redial on my phone to call Diane and making fun of people. I really don't have time in my busy schedule to discuss politics. I try to watch debates, but they always kind of turn into a name-calling contest, and I get annoyed. Not that I'm saying I need to hear all about the issues or anything, but if you're going to have a name-calling contest let's at least hear some swearing and/or bathroom humor. I vote in every presidential election. 50% because I feel it's my civic duty and privilege and 50% because I don't want P. Diddy to kill me.

Okay I'm not completely without opinions on important issues (i.e., gay marriage, abortion, Ross & Rachel). I'm just completely without the willingness to discuss them with you. Plus blah blah blah with all the boring talk. Let's get drunk and dance to Pat Benatar.

Yes I know--I am what is wrong with this country. Believe me I'm well aware of that fact. And if I had the energy to feel guilty about it, I would, but as I just mentioned, I don't. However, please don't fear for our country's future just yet as I feel that my apathy is completely evened out by the political fervor of some of my good friends whose lives revolve around politics. I have never seen anything like it. For example, I went over to D's place during election night, and there was like a gathering of all the great young Democratic minds in the Greater Cleveland area hovering over the TV, refreshing the Internet every 5 seconds, discussing "which guys were coming up the pike" (not sure what this means) and rolling on the floor in agony every time a state turned red. There were tears and panic attacks and phone calls every 2 minutes from people calling to check if everyone was holding up okay. Someone who shall remain nameless even puked (Steph). Then there was me, Kim and Diane (who was sleeping on the couch). I will admit it-I was terrified. I made the mistake of suggesting we turn on Food Network. It wasn't well-received. In fact it was the first time I've ever seen blood run from someone's eyes. At any rate I'm pretty sure that is the last time I will hang around those people on an election night unless I am asleep on the couch. But I do feel proud to call them my friends because I know they are the ones who will one day change this country for the better, and I will have voted for them while P. Diddy held a gun to my head.

By the way, the Board of Elections just sent me the little card with my "new" voting location. I moved to my apartment in April. The election was 2.5 months ago. How do you expect me to care about politics when no one will even tell me where to go vote. Maybe next time we all put our heads down and then raise our hand when they say the name of the person we want to vote for. That seems like a more efficient method than the one currently being used. Plus no hanging chads.

Oh man-if only we could get through just one post without the obligatory "hanging chad" joke.


danielle said...

i would comment on this post but i do not wish to relive the evening of november 2. and also, i just commented on this post.

Johnny Virgil said...

Poor scott. He is just Soooooooo outnumbered. I feel for the guy.

Anonymous said...

Steph: I would totally sue you for defamation...for telling stories about me...but i learned you can't sue for the truth...and i did have blood in my eyes...seriously, the food network? I was going to punch you in the neck for that suggestion. if you don't start taking politics seriously, i will immediately report you to p.diddy, ben affleck, and leonardo dicaprio...watch it.