So I called B* last night to ask him a question about light bulbs. Light bulbs! It's true, you guys. You can even ask Diane. She was there. (And she was like, "What the fuck?"). Isn't that the lamest thing you've ever heard? I swear I will find any excuse just to talk to him. I have never been this pathetic before. Nor have I ever been this completely insane. I lost it last weekend when I talked to him, and he told me he was on his way to Home Depot to buy a new showerhead. I mean, I just lost my mind. Here's the scenario:
B: "I'm on my way to Home Depot to buy a showerhead."
Me: "Fascinating."
Me (thinking): "Oh my God he's buying a showerhead which means he's taking care of things around his house to make it a better place for him to live there and oh my God he really isn't coming back EVER!! He is just going to live there forever with his new showerhead and other newly implemented home improvements, and I am going to live alone forever with my Christmas tree up!!"
I have issues, you guys. I need professional help. And by professional help I mean my "Friends" DVDs.
*B is how I will refer to my ex from now on. Other contenders were StilllivesinCleveland and Poopy Face, but I went with B because it's the first initial of his name, and I'm just too damn lazy to type out either of those other two names. I'm sure right now you're thinking, 'I wish you were too damn lazy to type out this blog cuz holy shit this sucks' and to that I say, "You're a poopy face!"
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1 comment:
I like the idea of somebody out there with their christmas tree up all year round. It's kind of a "fuck you" to hallmark. And could also be to your ex, "Every day is christmas since you left, shithead."
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